Me, Dusk, And Falsity
Chapter 45

No Words of Defense

Slowly but surely Fisya began to recount the events that were a reprimand for him to Reni. At first Reni was surprised and even she also felt insinuated with the story of Fisya

“ Loe have prayed? ” asked Reni while slowly shrugging Fisya off her arms

“ Be...be..lum Ren ” replied Fisya with a distinctive voice after crying. Yes Fisya did not pray at that time

“ Yaudah loe pray first gih there calm yourself loe ngadu to Allah. Because, the best place to complain is only Allah Sya ” said Reni gave a very soft advice and Fisya immediately rose to take ablution

Fisya prayed fervently’nya to the extent that in between surah readings he again incubated his tears.

He felt very guilty for disappointing himself with a futile deed

The completion of the prayer did not forget Fisya berTO’a to Allah telling all to Him the Most Compassionate, Most Merciful.

Finished with do’anya Fisya took the time to read some verses of the Qur’an hoping his heart will be calmer

Alhamdulillah Fisya has been calmer than before and his tears are now starting to control him not to let him out again.

Fisya immediately approached Reni and her two younger siblings to join them again

Suddenly Reni said something that seemed to still want to continue Fisya's previous curse

“ Hafiz right Sya? ” said Reni and it was enough to make Fisya surprised

“ Loe Ren's point? ” Fisya even behind the question pretending not to know what Reni meant because honestly Fisya did not want to continue the discussion again

“ Loe do not pretend not to understand Sya I know how your problem is in Hafiz right? ” said Reni with a slightly firm tone.

While Dila and Fika looked serious looking at her two brothers who looked very serious

Reni was immediately able to find out who Fisya was worried about today. Yes, although Fisya did not mention Hafiz at all in his curhatan.

All that is not too surprising for Fisya because Fisya had previously told about his closeness to Hafiz and it almost every night happened

“ Sya, try to be honest with your own heart actually you are not strong right Sha save your own feelings let alone every minute you are communication ” said Reni

“ Yes Ren actually I am not strong just, yes want how not possible I told him first about my feelings ” replied Fisya with a little down

“ Actually the feeling of loe to him how is si Sya? Yes I am afraid that you are just comfortable not like ” asked Reni who really wanted to make sure Fisya's feelings

“ I don't know Ren how I feel about him. One thing for sure I keep telling the story with him and me..” Fisya's speech hangs because it is directly in the sambar by Reni

“ Comfortable constantly lyingin feeling loe actual loe need certainty but, he is also insensitive and finally loe just maintain the futile thing that you have been doing so far. That's what you mean by Sya? Obviously Reni

Degs…..

Fisya immediately felt pain in part of his heart. Yes everything Reni said is very true Fisya just stuck with his comfort without daring to question his clarity and eventually fell into vain actions that resulted in sin

Fisya is still silent a thousand languages because Fisya is wrong in this matter. Indeed Hafiz was also wrong but, in this case it was Fisya who was very, very worthy of blame because Fisya who had opened a gap for Hafiz continued to communicate with him

“ Yes Yes Sya ask yourself loe do not follow anyone said again. Please Sya lo must be honest with your own heart if it is true he is good for loe he will not approach loe in the wrong way ” said Reni back because it does not get anything in return from Fisya

“ But, it's not easy for me Ren ”

“ Yes brother, sister can definitely slowly ngelupain bang Hafiz Dila same Fikas definitely help sister kok ” said Fika while hugging Fisya and also connected by Dila and Reni

“ Thank you all very well insyaAllah brother will try to make lupain him. Brother is sure God must be a better way if he is a friend brother ” said Fisya still hugging the three

A few minutes later, they rested themselves in their own positions

Fisya changes these few months are indeed rather spontaneous and instant he did. Until it is not aware if the hijrah intention is slightly deviated. Fisya admitted that his intention changed because he only wanted to make his heart recover from the cruelty of the past not because of God alone

Fisya's heart did say he hijrah but his mouth and body seemed to betray the intention. It turns out that Fisya only migrated from one heart to another so that he forgot his past Astagfirullah…

Jum’at afternoons Fisya who has arrived at the boarding house immediately bathe and get ready to perform the maghrib prayer. Fisya asked God for forgiveness for the sins he committed.

Moreover, the sin he had just committed these few days was to desecrate his own hijra. Changed not because of God but because he wanted to be loved by his creature Nauzubillah.

Tonight Fisya again asked for a flush and advice to his adoptive brother Diani. All thatu Fisya do to be more steady to change later.

Fisya also sent a message to her brother

Fishy :

“ Assalamua’laikum kak ”

A few minutes later Fisya's message was immediately responded

Diane :

“ Wa’alaikumussalam, yes adekku what is it? ” replied Diani who seemed to know if Fisya would tell you something

Yes actually Fisya is not too often berkabar with his brother unless you want to vent like or just occasionally to ask the news

Fishy :

“ Kak Fisya want this story the same brother ” replied Fisya who went straight to the core of his goal

Diane :

“ Hayuk next deck want what story? ”

Fisya also unequivocally told directly about the problem he now faced by not mentioning the name of the man at all.

And it didn't take long after Fisya told me at length Diani seemed to understand the direction of Fisya certita

Diani also answered and gave advice to Fisya with her style during this time with soft words but, has a piercing and true meaning.

And Fisya was not angry at all because Fisya had to be treated like that

Diane :

“ He's just aja mode it's the same don't be responded to really deck ”

Fishy :

“ Brother but I think he likes the same Fisya brother? ”