THE SAD JOURNEY OF LOVE
The Struggle for Love

Love requires patience...

Where should we wait for our love???

That day, I was with him committed to keeping our love..

I became the happiest woman.....

Our wedding was simple but fun.....

He was a very romantic man at the time.

I am grateful to be married to a man who is shrewd, smart, handsome & well established.

When we were dating she was already successful in her career.

We were going to honeymoon in the holy land, that was the promise when we dated first..

And after marriage, I invited him to umrah to the holy land....

I was very happy with him, and he also very spoiled me. very visible from his love and affection for me.

A lot of people said we were a good couple. It was so obvious how my husband spoiled me. And I am happy to marry him.

***

Five years have passed since we became husband and wife, it did not feel like time was so fast going even though we only lived alone because until now I had not been able to give him a little angel (baby) in the midst of harmony in our household.

Because he's the only son in his family, so I have to try to get a generation successor for him.

Thank God that my husband supported me...

He thinks that God has not trusted us to keep His care.

But his family is starting to fret. From the beginning we were married, her mother and sister didn't like me. I often get unpleasant treatment from them, but I always try to cover it up from my husband...

In front of my husband they were very kind to me, but behind my husband, I was insulted by them...

Once upon a time when one year of our marriage age, my husband had an accident, his car was destroyed. Thank God my husband survived the death that almost made me a widow.

He was hospitalized when he was unconscious after the accident. I always accompanied him day and night as I read the holy verses of the Qur'an. I was busy going back and forth from the hospital and from where I was doing my social activities, I was busy taking care of my husband who was sick from an accident.

But when I came back to the hospital from our house, I saw in his room his mother, his sisters and my husband's friends, and right then and there.. I saw a very familiar woman chatting with my mother-in-law. They laughed to comfort my husband.

Thank God my husband was aware, I cried when I saw my husband was conscious, but I should not be sad in front of him.

I opened the closed door and said, "Assalammu'alaikum" and they answered my greetings. I stayed at the door for a moment and they all saw me. My husband looks at me full of spoiled, maybe he misses me because it's been 5 days his eyes are always closed.

His hand waved, hinting me to hold his hand tightly. After I approached her, I kissed her hand and said "Assalammu'alaikum", she answered my greetings with a soft voice but full of love. I also smile at his face.

Then.. Her mother spoke to me ...

"Fis, meet Desi's friend Fikri".

I remembered the story from my husband that his best friend had loved him, the woman was named Desi and she was very familiar with my husband's family. Until I finally met the guy too. I shook hands with him, I didn't talk much in the room, I didn't understand what they were talking about.

I was busy cleaning and treating the wounds on my husband's head, only a moment I cleaned his face, suddenly my sister-in-law named Dian took me out, he asked for company to the cafeteria. And my husband allowed it. Then I accompanied him.

But when outside my sister-in-law said, "you better just go home, there's 

we're guarding my brother here. You just rest. "

Surprisingly, I was not allowed to say goodbye to my husband on the grounds that my brother had to rest a lot and because his psychology was still unstable. I argued with him questioning why I wasn't allowed to say goodbye to my husband. But suddenly my mother-in-law came to me and she said the same thing. Later he will give reasons to my husband why I came home not saying goodbye to him, after all my husband always according to what his mother said, whether his mother was wrong or not, my husband still justifies it. I finally left the hospital with tears.

I was never allowed to visit my husband until he returned from the hospital. And I can only cry in my solitude. Crying why they hate me so much.

***

That day, I cried for no reason, which was on my mind I was afraid of losing her, I was afraid of her love being shared with others.

That morning, as I was cleaning the grounds of our house, my husband called me to the back garden, he had just finished breakfast, he invited me to sit on our favorite swing while looking at the fish scattered in the fountain pool.

I asked, "What are you calling me?"

He said, "Tomorrow I will visit my family in Sabang"

I said, "Dear baby.. I know, I packed your stuff in the travel bag and you've held the ticket, right?"

"Yes but I won't be there for long, I've only been there for 3 weeks, I haven't seen my big family since we got married and I'm going home with my mom", firmly answer.

"Mama asked me to accompany her when she came home later" she replied firmly.

"Now I want to spend the day with you because we're not meeting for 3 weeks, right?", he continued, hugging me and kissing me. My heart is saddened by his decision, but I must not show it to him.

Happy I was spoiled with a husband full of love and affection even though sometimes he was unfair to me.

I can only smile when I want to be with my husband, but because his family doesn't like me just because they're jealous of me because my husband loves me so much.

Then I decided that he was the only one to leave and we also had to save money on our household budget.

Because this is a sacred event for his family, so his whole family must be complete. Even so, I will still not be cared for by his family must come or not. Not attending just makes them very happy and I do not want to make boisterous this family.

The night before his departure, I cried while cleaning up the needs he would bring to Sabang, he looked at me and wiped the tears that fell on my cheeks, then I hugged him tightly. This heart murmured not letting him go as if something had happened, but I had no idea what was going to happen. I could only cry because I would be left behind by him.

I've never been left this whole time, because we've been together wherever he went.

Maybe I am sad because I am alone and have no friends, because usually only a maid is my chatting friend.

This sad heart will be left by him.

Until the next day, I kept crying. I don't know why it's this sad, I don't feel good, but I can't be so bad. I have to believe what my husband is. He will always call me.

***

Being away from my husband, I felt very uncomfortable, I felt alone. Fortunately I have busy as an activist, so I am not too lonely left to go to Sabang.

When we were in long-distance contact, our communication deteriorated and I became ill. My uterus hurts like it's wrapped around a rope. I couldn't stand the pain in my heart, to the point that I was bleeding. I was rushed to the hospital by my younger brother who happened to accompany me there. The doctor sentenced me to stage 3 cervical cancer.

I cried what can I be proud of again..

My in-laws will insult me even more, my poor husband who always hoped to have a descendant from my womb. And then I could only hug my sister.

I miss my husband, I always wait for him to come home and wonder, "when will he come home soon?" I don't know..

While my husband was there, I didn't know why he was always so angry when he called me. How will I tell my condition if he is always angry with me..

I better cover it up first about this and I don't want to worry him as long as he's in Sabang.

It's better when he gets home from Sabang, I'll tell him. Every day I wait for my husband to come home, day after day I count...

It has been 3 weeks my husband in Sabang, that night when I was looking at our photos, my phone rang indicating a text coming in.

I opened it in my phone inbox, apparently from my husband who texted.

He wrote, "i've bought a ticket to go home, I'll be home one more day, I'll tell you again".

That's all he's been exposed to. I want to be angry, but I'm just damning this bad ego. The day I was waiting for arrived, I waited at home.

As a wife, I also dress up and wear her favorite perfume to welcome my husband home, and later I will also solve our bad communication problems lately.

The bell rang, I opened the door for him and he said hello. Before entering, I held his hand in front of the terrace but he stood still, I bent down to take off my shoes, socks and washed his feet, I did not want any shaytan to enter our house.

After that I stood up to kiss her hand but what was her reaction..

By Allah, he did not kiss my forehead, he just kept quiet and went straight up to the upper room, then took a bath and slept without asking me..

I just thought, maybe he's tired. I also immediately tidied up his luggage until I fell asleep. The night shows 1/3 of the night, reminding me of the place of complaint which is Allah, the Creator.

We used to always congregate, but seeing her sleep so soundly, I couldn't bear to wake her. I just rubbed his face and I kissed his forehead, then I prayed tahajud 8 rakaat plus witir 3 raka'at.

***

I heard the sound of his car, I woke up and I saw him from the balcony of our room getting ready to leave. Then I called him but he didn't listen. Then I took my hijab and I ran from top to bottom without caring for the blood that was spilling from my womb to chase after her but she was so quick to leave.

I feel something is wrong with my husband. What's wrong with my husband? Why is he acting so unusual towards me?

I can't just shut up, my hunch says there's something. At that time I immediately called home and it happened to Dian who picked up the phone, I told him and I asked what was going on with my husband. He lightly replied, "Loe thought to herself!!!". The phone was immediately disconnected.

What's the matter? Ask my heart full of anxiety. Why did my husband change after he returned from his hometown. Why won't he talk to me, let alone spoil me.

More and more he became a quiet person, as if he had given up his responsibilities as a husband. We just talked as necessary, I always interrogated him. Always asked me where I was from and why I came home late and he asked in a loud tone. My husband has changed.

Even to my surprise, I was accused of adultery with my ex-boyfriend. I wanted to slap my husband who had accused me of being that low, but I always remembered.As wrong as a husband is, the status of a husband remains above the wives, it is a guideline that I hold.

I just pray that my husband will be aware of his behavior.

nex..........