THE SAD JOURNEY OF LOVE
IF SINCERE LOVE IS NEVER CONSIDERED

The second time I felt it again, after my first love ran aground. Such a beautiful first love in the teenage years in college. I know him because fellow members of the same organization even though we are different majors at the university. 

At first I did not know him even though I often saw him every time I left and went home from college. I am a nominee from Jakarta to Medan and not many friends that I have so we often chat in the afternoon sometimes at his boarding house with other friends sometimes in my boarding house with my friends, sometimes with my friends, there is also one major with only different levels.

Long story short somehow we became a couple like the others, our age is not much different just a week different. One day we went home to his village with the intention of introducing me to his parents, but what happened to his parents did not approve of us. 

Our love is not ordinary love because we were dating was actually not approved by my parents in Jakarta. The next morning when in the kitchen I heard his parents who also did not approve of us, I also forced to go back to Medan.

My love for her was no ordinary love, so great was my sacrifice to her for 2.5 years but she preferred her family over our relationship, and I also learned to accept the reality that God had destined me for. I went back to Jakarta and spent my days looking for a job and finally got accepted to work at a private elementary school. After a long time of myself closing my heart to the others present, we accidentally met in front of the principal's office where back then he was standing like a confused person. 

I thought he was a book salesman who came to schools to offer printed books to students. Turns out I was wrong, he became our partner's teacher. At that time I had not felt love or liking because he was very different from the type of man my dream is high, contained and also white and smarter than me. He's dark and skinny and curly-haired, far from the type of guy I dream of.

Four months we became teacher partners always we fought vaguely and insinuated each other even though it was not up to a great fight. Since then we have become closer and closer if we always go home from school together. Sometimes I was driven home to the boarding house even on foot. But I feel happy because there are friends to talk while walking until it does not feel like arriving at the boarding house. We went to the mall by taking copaja but I felt safe in his care.

Our different closeness everything makes us even closer. We were 10 years away but he was not ashamed. At that time I could only consider him an ordinary friend. We also have many people who do not like it because of the difference in age, ethnicity and also the status of our work. We stayed together despite secretly meeting outside of school hours. In school we are still professional as teachers.

Every time we went back to tutoring, we went out to eat and if it was Sunday we went to worship after that went to visit his niece who was of a different religion than us just to take her for a walk to the nearest mall. Our love story is like a soap opera that does not know how to finally live a relationship that he never thought existed. 

One year together, I learned to open my heart and try to love him as sincerely as though the inner pressure berlajar accept his presence. I always agree where he invites me for what he does, such as accompanying him to the workshop and also playing futsal even though I did not like the ball since he learned to like what he likes.

Jealousy and also my sense of irritation towards other couples also made him not want to think I exist. Often I cried praying to God to always be given fortitude to accompany him. Even though he comes from a family that is not capable but I never mentioned about our property or social level. Because love will not look at treasure but love looks at sincerity and earnestness. 

For almost three years I endured the inner pressure that I could no longer bear, and always asked God to call me. But God still gave me the strength to live it to accompany him who never considered me as his partner. 

He thought I was just an ordinary friend, ordinary for him to maki, ordinary to accompany him where he wanted even though I was so tired. It was usual for him to be angry even once we had a big fight just because of trivial things until the knife played in our quarrel, I finally ventured to ask his statement I was what for him after everything I did, he said, I never even asked for a gift on Valentine's Day or on my birthday because I realized eating wasn't enough. 

Our love is not ordinary love like a young couple who are teenagers who always want to be together. My love only clapped one hand, finally after he came home from his afternoon futsal play because I saw him with another woman so happy. I was jealous, angry, and silent and even answered her message with disappointment and emotion. I was told only via Whatsapp no longer close or come or look for it at the cost enough to get here. Though the day before we were still fine after he arrived in Jakarta after returning from Kupang. He mutated the work so did he mutated the feeling of my heart.  

It broke my heart after a long time with him when it was difficult, when his salary was not enough for the cost of living until finally being able to have the things he wanted. Even though it was all the money he made by repaying it to me, although sometimes he did not pay it and my sacrifice was always there for him, sacrificing time, energy and material things were all destroyed in vain. A sacrifice of sincere love from me that turned out only to be played with. That was the second love I felt after I closed my heart a dozen years since I left my first love married. 

My love for her is not an ordinary love, I really want to build a household and pass all obstacles together but destiny wills another. Destiny divides us, the love that I hoped to unite as before will no longer be possible. 

There are tears in my every prayer. A month or so I was in a relationship that never meant anything to her, I loved her so much and wished I could live with her but it was only a dream. I learned to accept my destiny that my love could not be reciprocated no matter how much my sacrifice meant to him. 

My love is not an ordinary love for her but I have to learn to accept the reality of life. Never look at love because of differences in economic status but build love with sincerity, honesty is also the intention to wade along with all the obstacles that exist.

Seriate....