The Door of Destiny Removing Single
Episode 30's
DARK AND DETERIORATED
The first day I entered the office, after a week I was in the hospital. The HRD space is my main goal right now. There are some things I have to go through procedure after taking a week off. I hope there are no more problems. My soul is still too fragile to accept the blow of trouble again.
Hafiz's departure for good from my side, made the news of our engagement sound extensive. The thing we've been covering up all this time, it's opening up on its own. The story of my love that ran aground again and this time ended tragically with the death of my future husband, is also widespread.
I was in the HRD room for about 30 minutes. I am grateful, the HRD Head can understand my situation. I was given the opportunity to catch up with me, it just so happened that my assistant who replaced me during the holidays also worked well. As soon as my business was done, I rushed towards my study.
A very heavy step I felt. The days ahead of Hafiz's absence in this office, I begin today. I went to my assistant, to ask for some reports during my time off. My assistant is also a girl, her name is Nadia. A stack of papers was given to me, I immediately brought it to my room. Hopefully with this, I can rise up against this sense of despair.
Two hours passed I just stared blankly at the pile of paper. No ideas in my brain. The days I spent with Hafiz. His attention, his gentle demeanor.all as if coming together invaded me.
My eyes instantly darkened, my head twitching. As soon as I clung to the table in front of me, I lowered my head. I came back crying. This time I could no longer hold back my tears. Express all my sadness. I was crying and crying.
For almost an hour, a delicate hand grabbed my shoulder. Deby. Handing over the packet of tissue and putting water on my desk. He guessed the report that had been on my desk earlier, without me touching it. Deby moved it to my work drawer. I wiped my tears and drank the water Deby brought.
“Do not force Mbk. All need process”, said Deby
I nodded and took a long breath. Deby led me to another corner of my room, looking out the window. Coincidentally my room is located on the 2nd floor, there is a balcony that we are headed to. The air is cold from the balcony. For about 30 minutes, Deby and I fell silent and enjoyed the air from the balcony.
I felt my weight lift up a little. Deby, my best friend. Thank you for always being there for me, especially during such tough times, I thank Deby. After making sure I was okay, Deby then went back to his room. Similarly, I tried to gather my concentration and return to the report that Nadya had given me.
The 100th day of Hafiz's departure. I still go through my unusual days. After work I decided to visit his grave. I purposely went alone, because I wanted to have some privacy there. Hours after work, I rushed to the Hafiz Pusara.
This time I came in a bone-white dress, complete with a peach-colored veil. I covered a basket of flowers and also water. I walked down the belly button I was going to. I finally arrived.
Apparently before I've been there to visit this navel. Maybe Hafiz's extended family. Since the 40th day of Hafiz's departure to this day, I have not visited his house. For me I also still need strength, to be ordinary when I am in that house.
I calmed down and began to spread flowers, then poured water over the navel of my future priest. More precisely the former priest. I offer her the best prayer. But something strange, I looked around. Apparently there's no one. Maybe it's just my feelings.
I continued my prayer ritual. For a moment I remembered Hafiz's kindness to me. Our dreams that seemed to be taken to the center of Hafiz. Buried deep and deep. I knew I had to let it go. We even had to let go of each other, before we could have each other. This short fate, I have not been able to understand its purpose. This fragile soul of mine I must carry with me. Step up and move on with my life.
The betrayal of my first lover, the loss of Zaky and the departure of Hafiz. I accept each of these realities as a form of writing destiny that has been established by the Creator. Without being able to resist, without the power to dodge, and this is what I have to accept.
On the way home, I was surprised by my desire to visit Hfiz's parents. I've been there long enough. There is no harm in rebuilding the confidence to enter that house again. Drive the car to Hafiz's house. I glanced at the rearview mirror, it seemed like there was a car that was following me.
I increased the speed, ah it turns out this car is still following me. Let's not say this is a bad guy trying to follow me. Soon it's dark, surely this situation is not safe for me. I chose to turn my car into a gas station. I hope the car is fooled, and doesn't follow me anymore.
After queuing for a long time, it was my turn to fill the gas. I thought it was safe, so I decided to cancel my plan to visit Hafiz's parents. I finally came home.
When I got home, I locked the gate and ran into the house. After closing the door, I heard the sound of a car passing in front of my house. I peeked out from behind the curtains.
Ah it is true!!!
The car followed me all the way here. I got goosebumps too. Is anyone intending to be evil to me? I don't think I ever had any trouble with anyone
A pat surprised me. Apparently My Dad.
“Ngintipin who?”, ask dad
“Eh.anu.gak Well. That..So there is someone who followed Dea when he came home, the car just passed,” I replied
Dad looked out, didn't see anyone. Trying to calm me down and asking me to rest in the room immediately. I also according. Maybe you're right, it's just my feeling.
I immediately went up to the room to rest. My feelings were suddenly on my phone. I'll grab my bag and find my phone. There was a missed call 4 times. Numbers I don't know. Who roughly?
I don't want to bother, I'll block that number immediately. Then I went on to make the phone settings, blocking all calls and messages from unknown numbers. This will calm me down a little. When it's like this, surely my alertness decreases. It might not hurt to be more careful.
After cleaning myself up, I prepared to bow down. Kuraih mukena giving Hafiz. I miss him. This time it really misses.The only way to connect my miss is to pray for it. Through these prayers may Hafiz feel, something that is currently in my heart. Even if it's not love, but it's my sincere feeling. Thank you for being the most beautiful part of my journey.
Destiny that brought us all together separates us. If anyone could understand the meaning of all this. I'm just the owner of destiny doesn't understand God's intentions. Love then takes it back. Bring someone in but then take them back. Leaving a deep wound in a heart. But life still has to run, run with or without willingness. Even if I don't want to, in fact I want to give life. It means Destiny wants to once again awaken me.
Either to come back to test me or this time just want to play around with him. I'm resigned. Probably more desperate. I am tired and give up. The disappointment I brought in my life made my every move heavier. I'm asleep. May this sleep help me heal the wounds, the wounds of being disappointed in the circumstances.
