The Door of Destiny Removing Single
Episode 2

CERTAINTY

Zaky doesn't seem to care. Prefer to concentrate on the vehicle. This is what really stifles my confidence. Cuckoo and not serious impressed that is often shown to me, which makes me doubt. Doubt to continue with her relationship. But there is a reason, I don't know what. I Survive.

Red light. Again. Seconds to 90, count down. Yes Tuhaannn, what a trial let alone this.

Aaaargggghhh !!! I tried not to be affected by the rate of numbers shown on the traffic light board. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Hoping that by the time I opened my eyes, the number 28 had never appeared. Turns out Zaky noticed me, but put her hand on the back of my hand, she asked, “why?”. I was shocked, and automatically shook my head.

Again he is insensitive. I still did not want to look at the movement of the numbers on my left side, until Zaky finally continued on his way. Green Light. We are silent, and I hate this kind of situation. I'm sure that Zaky actually knew the irregularities of my behavior, but as if trying to do nothing happened. As for me, I don't have enough courage to say. Again, I hate this.

“Where are we going?”, I open a conversation.

“Hemmmm, anyone would like to meet us”, he replied lightly

“Who?”, my question

“There, out of this you also tau”, Zaky replied casually.

That's Zaky. Attitude relaxed and impressed too indifferent to things that in his assessment has not entered the category worthy of attention. Surprise this time. I choose to prepare myself. For the worst possible. Or rather the best possibility for my relationship with Zaky.

Approximately 3 years we were together, established a relationship that we refer to as “serious dating”. This status we agreed on at the beginning as a commitment. Seriously, this stage is a step forward towards marriage and I have big hopes for this relationship. Yes me. Maybe Zaky too, though I'm not entirely sure. Because until now, never once said the statement that Zaky will marry me. Even though he never said that he would leave me. What a sad state of affairs. But I survived.

Zaky was still silent, but still concentrated on the road. Until finally he pulled his vehicle in front of a seafood restaurant that looks quite large. I'm getting curious, because all I know is that Zaky already understands that I'm allergic to seafood.

“Come down,” Zaky gives command.

“I am such an allergy, I replied.

“Which met, wanted to be here. Not that we have to eat,” Zaky tries to give an explanation.

I said, get out of the car and follow Zaky. I took a long breath. Yes Tuhaannn, make me strong. Because from that moment on, I felt a feeling. A bad feeling about my relationship with Zaky.

We headed for a table, which seemed to have been prepared in advance. The big Zaky family was there, although the formation was incomplete. I, with this look, try to build my confidence. Approach the table and greet one by one.

Mr. Surya, Zaky's father is sitting next to Adelia Zaky's sister. Om Irfan and Aunt Meilani, brother and sister-in-law of Pak Surya. Then my eyes fell on two more people I didn't know.

“Dea, how are you?” What semester is it now?”, asked Aunt Meila to code me to sit next to her. I approached and took the position as directed.

“Good Aunt. Alhamdulillah, it's finished”, I replied. Behind that friendly greeting, I waited for the hidden attack that Aunt Meilani had prepared. I understand, because it's not the first time. And it's true

“Owalah..., means long time ago donk ya....sama road Zaky, until already passed his lecture”, Aunty Meliani attack began.

Zaky came closer, knowing I was uncomfortable. But I gave him a code, so that he would remain calm and not give arguments that would ruin the atmosphere. I tried to give my sweetest smile and give a stark answer.

“Alhamdulillah aunt, please pray because now again take permission to the office to continue the S-2 program, please pray,” I answer with confidence.

“Ow is...., continue when it rose pelaminan, Zakyyyy keburu moss ntar kaliyan“ Aunt Meilani launched a counterattack while maintaining a smile, which I think is more suitable called grinning.

“Start...start...., “Zaky said because he felt the heat blown by his aunt.

The debate came to a halt, as I saw Mr. Surya giving the code that was instantly understood by all present. My attention was on the woman and the teenager sitting next to P. Solar. Women who may be almost the same age as Mother Fatma, mother of Zaky who is currently married again with co-worker P. Solar. Well, Zaky is a broken home product, which is still given good luck because it was born and raised in a prosperous environment. I turned my gaze to the teenage figure, who was about 16 years old beside the woman. Both are beautiful and seem friendly.

“Mbak Dea, know this Aunt Farida and this is her daughter Rahma, “ Adelia who had been silent had surprised me. I smiled and gave a sign of respect, from my seat.

“Salam knows aunt Farida and Rahma”, I replied. Both of them nodded and smiled sympathetically.

I still keep guessing, and hope soon someone understands my disobedience and gives me enlightenment. What is this, actually? I breathed a sigh of relief, at least with the presence of the two people, it was certain that tonight's meeting wasn't about my relationship with Zaky. I was forced to spend the night in that place by holding back the nausea in my stomach. Even if there is another menu available, the smell of seafood mneyengat can not compromise with my stomach. But I managed to survive.

The show was over and we went home in our own vehicles.

Two glasses of soda and 1 plate of French fries are served at the table. We chose a place not far from my house to stop by. I began to write the words I was going to say to Zaky. But no matter how hard my work, the vocabulary that comes out just ….

“So?”, manyu.

“hem?, “ Zaky asked back

I did not answer, but chose to lift the glass containing soda and hope for a miracle so that I can get my heart out tonight. About the meeting, which can be said the declaration of victory. Victory for P.Surya and Aunt Farida. The meeting effort was discussing the planned entry of new family members in the Zaky family. P.Surya decided to marry Aunt Farida, in 2 months. After that Adelia, Zaky's sister will also carry out the engagement 3 months after the wedding of P.Suryo.

What about me and Zaky?? Apparently not in discussion. Disappointed? Sure. Getting angry? Evidently. It felt tight and I wanted to cry. My eyes were glazed over, but too proud to drip.

“You are not happy, with happy news from my family?”, Zaky asked as if he did not understand my thoughts.

“Should?,”, I asked back. Zaky who had been silent, immediately gave a cynical look. She's upset. This time I also did not want to lose or just give up

“Should I be happy or cry over my stupidity because to this day still hope in our relationship?”

“Must I make it clear again that, I have been waiting for a long time to be in the position of Aunt Farida, who until now even mention it you never?”

“Should I still need to explain to you, if I'm tired. Tired of all the circumstances that there is never certainty????”, my breath runs out and I choose to drown my face behind my hands. I Cry. Finally, the courage came out. Right now I feel like I have an incredible power to defend myself. A defense of the uncertainty Zaky gave.

“I love you. I want to bring you into my family too. But it's difficult. Please understand., “ beyond suspicion Zaky gave a clear response. I did not see the look in the eyes that had been shown at the beginning of the conversation.

“Please be patient for me. I know it's not easy. But only you can understand me, “ Zaky holds my hand. I helplessly, let it go.

This is what I'm most afraid of, my inability to deal with Zaky. I once again melt. Yes, I'm lethargic. After the sudden courage that possessed me and exerted an incredible burning energy earlier, I was extinguished. I choose to continue my crying. For an hour we were silent. I'm with my mind and Zaky with his phone. I don't know, this sad state of affairs is why it seems to happen to us repeatedly. But I lost repeatedly too.

I shed my last tears and I draw back the courage inside me to reveal the rest of my heart to Zaky. I haven't opened my mouth yet, Zaky preceded.

“I won't make you, because I can't promise anything either, “ he said with his head down

I can't believe it, the man I've been fighting for 3 years with as if it just blew me away. This tuhaannn is really heavy.. As much as I could I held my cry. But it finally broke. I'm crying Back. Crying over my fate or my stupidity, for sure I really felt pain at the end of my heart. I got up, and I grabbed the bag at the table and walked away from Zaky.

But his hand grabbed my hand, asking me to sit back. Begging with his eye language. I grant. I sit back.

“Listen to me carefully De….

“I'm wrong here, because I can't fight for our relationship. But you have to believe, we can keep going. You need to be more patient. Make us., “Zaky beg.

“I'm tired. Excuse me. Pulling out like this hurts me”, I replied while wiping my tears.

“But this time I really begged”, Zaky asked again.

“So please, I just want to go home and sleep. My head hurts. I still have to work tomorrow. Please take me home”, I asked.

Zaky followed me, led me into his car and drove me home. I was really in a bad state, the feeling I had just felt when I left was realized. The meeting was supposed to give certainty to my relationship with Zaky. The certainty I have been waiting for. Even if it doesn't come out of Zaky's mouth, but everything feels more gambling. Evidently.

In the next two months his father Zaky will be married, followed by his sister's engagement. As for me and Zaky, I don't know what our relationship will look like. But for sure, the dream of getting married this year failed. It seems like so next year too. I lost again. Lose to the destiny that was brought for me.

I just want to go home. Sleeps.