Halalku Waiting
The Part 15
Fathan POV
After coming home from the hospital, my family and I have gathered at home to prepare materials for tomorrow's event.
I see in the living room there are not too many people who come only relatives and neighbors who are preparing everything while talking, the noise of the house was so annoying to my ears. I was in a bad mood and thought where should I calm down. Right now I need peace after what I read in Syifa's dear book, out of nowhere the sense of tightness is increasingly dusty considering the words he read this afternoon.
Not thinking long I also walked to the kitchen to take a drink to calm the mind that was in turmoil. And in the kitchen was seen there are some neighbors who prepare food tomorrow.
Hehhh!!
I also breathed my entire length.
"Eh son Fathan, what do you want." said one of my neighbors near my house who I know his name Mpok Lela.
"You take a drink Mpok." I said with a smile on him. More precisely a forced smile. At this time I am very difficult to give my sincere smile to people around so I just force a smile.
"Ohh, want to take a drink anyway." he said while replying with his trademark smile.
"Nak will call Nisa yes, tell her down to help Ummi.."ask Ummi and be taken by me.
After that I went straight to Nisa's room to deliver Ummi's message to her. When I got to the front of his room the door was slightly open, I saw him sitting in front of the window looking at the sky, and then I approached him.
"Dek, are you here? Don't you want to help Ummi downstairs? I asked gently while looking at the sky so beautiful when viewed.
Heningg.there was no reply from the master.
...
"Sir.."Call me again while staring at him.
"Emm, Nisa misses Bella bang...is she happy there? He asked softly and softly and was still staring at the star that was twinkling above the sky.
"You say what the deck is, yes he is happy there, even arguably very happy, trying to cheer her up.
"Nisa longs very much. after her departure a year ago it seems that Nisa does not believe...Nisa's lonely no longer vent Nisa, Nisa always share with him be it happiness or sadness, from childhood he was the only friend Nisa who always belain Nisa when bullied classmate Nisa. When Nisa mocked friends Nisa always protected, but now Nisa lost the figure of a very meaningful person in Nisa's life." she said softly and I saw there was a look of sadness that she kept.
"Dek, listen to the words of Abang, adek can not be like this, ndak not be sad, if Nisa is sad Bella is also sad there to see her friend sad because it did not let go. Already on the deck now I wish not to be sad again, what Bella needs is not the sadness of Nisa but the prayer of her best friend.."I said while comforting her.
"You know the deck brother also felt lost Bella, Bella was already brother consider kayak adek Abang himself like Adek Abang's adek.."while pinching Nisa's nose.
"Esssss! Sick knows! His frown.
I also chuckled at the look on her face that was adorable to me. Even though my brother is 15 years old, I still consider him as my little brother. Because he was so spoiled when he was close to me.
"Have not cried again, a sneak down there, Ummi was calling, and said Ummi was told to help help below.
"Yes Nisa has come down first, bang, want to help Ummi.."then she also moved from her seat and was embraced by me.
.
Now I am still in Nisa's room, still looking at the beauty of God's creation while smiling at the beautiful sky tonight, wanting to feel like I went to the backyard to calm my mind.
'Emm, the back or not??' my monologue.
"Ee, bang..ko is still here seh? It was ummi told Abang to buy a tissue in the store opposite. The supply of tissue is exhausted in the kitchen bang.." said Nisa who suddenly came.
"Yes deck, you'll buy it..." I said without looking in his direction.
"eeee..This brother, the kepakenya today, the future buy him.cepetan there buyin, Ummi will be angry you know..." The cerocos.
"Yes yes.this is Abang buyin now.." I said as I passed from Nisa's room to the opposite shop.
"Sir, buy a 10 pack of tissue.." I said to the seller.
"What small thing is so big? Ask the seller.
"The big one is mbak..." My words and the mother who was just then immediately took my order and immediately wrapped it in plastic.
"This is mas..amount everything is 100 thousand..." He said while handing over my groceries, and I also gave up the hundred thousand money I just took in my wallet.
"Makaseh yes mbak.." - I said.
"Back you.."reply with a smile.
Then I immediately rushed home afraid Ummi needed this tissue. I did deliberately buy a lot of tissue, for supplies in the kitchen, so as not to bother later if it was up. Arriving at home I went straight to the kitchen.
"This is Ummi's tissue from Ummi's order." I said and handed over the packet of tissue.
"Had come yes son, makaseh yes.." said Ummi and I nodded assuring his words.
"Yes Ummi, Fathan is going to the room first..." I said and said Ummi.
Now that I was in my room, and staring at Syifa's diary, I wanted to continue reading the story, but when I read, it felt so sad, all his handwriting makes my heart cramped.
'But I have to be strong, can't be like this.I deserve to know everything before it's too late.
As the hand opened the story, there was a slight sense of tightness that I felt. But I have to be able and strong to read everything.
^^^Jakarta, 28-12-2017^^^
Waiting you??
A little word worries me. You are hurricane Arfan, even now I am still faithfully waiting for you. But the worry that is so always disturbing is always far away. Question after question always comes to my mind.
Did I get you after a long wait??
Will you come to see me to wipe away all these tears and wipe away all the longings you've shed??
Are you the same as I always wait for you at the end of prayer?
Although my fatigue in waiting for you is always in revolt!
Even though my fatigue in waiting for you is boring!!
But know I'm trying to throw it all away. Including the feelings and thoughts that always bother me.
The mind that always thinks that you're there already has another heart. If you come back later and all I hear is that you have feelings for other people there, I hope that's just my hallucination.
Please return!! I don't want my wait to end in futility.
Which makes my heart tired of all the longing that always comes in every day.
Please please....
O God, I know what governs everything is you but, I can't lie to everything, that feeling always comes by itself.
What does all this mean, God!!
I know all I want now is her, and I beg of you, O Allah.Find me again with halal ties, I beg you!
Not that I do not accept the fate you gave me but I.hiks hyks.
I'm sorry, God, I'm selfish! If you find me with him later and you do not unite us, I will try to learn TO DECLARE EVERYTHING! But I need a process for all that, God.
I no longer feel my tears coming down. Is that how much Syifa loved Arfan? Now his feelings must be falling! Oh God what I do now, whatever happens tomorrow I believe your destiny is very beautiful.
Now I continue one by one his daily stories, despite the tightness I feel now rebelling to stop reading the book.
Is this the story of Syifa's romance with Arfan?
This is so complicated! Very complicated! If I had been in the position of Syifa, I would have been worse off than she was. Syifa is indeed a strong woman, she is tough to face a romance like this, she still strengthens her stance to keep waiting for her first love is present in her life.
Until I arrived until I read the story that happened at the cafe a few days ago, when I asked him why he was crying? And this is where I get all the answers. I read the writing for the sake of it, that he could not accept this marriage, but he did not want to make a disappointment towards his parents. But the other side of his heart was claustrophobic about accepting all this. And when I read in the last sentence he wanted to cancel this marriage, I really can't speak right now.
That word?
Will he cancel everything?
God!! now the feeling of tightness is back again. But I tried to calm my mind, then I continued to read the next story.
But there it was written that he was unable to do that and on the other hand he felt that stifling feeling.
What should I do now, God? Do I have to back off when it's all over and just wait another hour?!
'I don't think I should be rash in deciding the way out at a time like this, it's not the right time_liihku.
Scroll the wall clock and now the clock has shown 01.15. Allahu Akbar all this time I have read this book_my monologue.
I opened the next page and it turned out that this was the last page. I saw the last date he wrote the story of his day above and there it was written
^^^'Jakarta, 13-01-2018.^^^
Arfan...
If we meet later I hope you'll smile at me, let's just say all our stories are just a fantasy.
Soon I'll be somebody's wife, a wife of a man I've never known before. And rather I don't love HIM!!
But know one thing Arfan....
I will always love you..
It will always and always be.until God who changes all tastes disappears by itself....
Although the wait has been so long I have waited, and until now you have not come to me...
But I'm sure the soul mate will not go where, all humans created by God is in pairs, right?
If you are not my destiny that God has chosen for me, then I will try to be happy, even though happiness over tightness is painful!
I used to feel so happy, did you storm Arfan?? God found me with you at a time that never occurred to me, God sent you to change me from all my dark past. I'm grateful to have known you this deep, I hope you'll be happy there too.
...-...
...Warm regards from someone who misses you so much_Syifa....
God, what does he say will always love him? I don't know why my chest is claustrophobic when I read that word.
Arggghhh.
I was frustrated reading all those stories. Either I could pull from where my hand hit the wall of my room as hard as it was a few times, until the red liquid continued to come out rapidly.
'O Allah, what should I do? Why am I made to worry like this, I said, no longer felt my tears break in the silence of the night. Yes tonight I am devastated by all this truth! It doesn't seem fair to me.
Astagfirullah..
Quickly I said Istighfar, I must not speak that Allah is unjust, Allah always does justice to his servant. It is just that we do not understand that there is a prayer that God has given, perhaps in childhood or at this time. I always pray for the best for me, maybe this is the answer to all the prayer I ask _His prayer, maybe Syifa is not my soul mate _inner.
The clock has shown 01.59. I don't want many more questions that fill my mind. Then I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and bandaged the wound that had just kept coming out on its own.
After I finished I immediately rested my body on the bed. Now it is not my melted body but my very, very tired heart. I hope tomorrow there is a miracle that will make everything okay without any hindrance.
...........
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