When the Heart is Tired
toughest test

I was in the hospital for four days. Actually tomorrow I can go home but I ask permission for another day of hospital stay. My son is still vomiting until he's a bit yellow.

No power these tears always fall. I was crying in the corner of the room. Seeing our son who we always missed in a state of being unwell.

we went to the doctor's office because there was something the doctor wanted to tell us. When I heard the doctor's words, I could only cry.

" buk today we will shine my mother's child because she is still vomiting and her body is yellowing" said the doctor

" is it dangerous sir" asked my husband

" we first see the development is buk, hopefully with the rays can recover again" said the doctor

" yes sir, please do your best for our son sir" my husband asked

" " well sir, we will do everything we can" replied the doctor

I couldn't make a sound because my tears were flowing so hard.

I saw from the outside my son's glass in the incubator again in the light of his body rather yellow both eyes were closed with a special tool blindfold. God is so sick, so sad to see my son struggling.

Because my son drinks milk every time he vomits his body a little limp. Doctors recommend to install infusions from the umbilical cord. It hurts my heart to see my red baby boy in the infusion.

"ma don't cry, just pray that our child will recover quickly" my husband asked

I just nodded while crying

" later if you are sad to cry and continue to cry along with sad ma, mom is equally good to have an inner bond" my husband persuaded

I just nodded again. These tears flowed on their own without me asking.

I was last in the hospital tonight. Tomorrow I have to go back home I can't bear to leave my son alone here. I peeked for a while before I went to bed.

' strong boy yes, baby can definitely be a strong mama's child quickly healthy yes so we can go home'. My inner. Again my tears came out for the umpteenth time. I think my eyes are swollen because most of them are crying.

I slept sideways while enduring my tightness and tears. It felt like every time I remembered my son my tears came straight out.

" a strong ma yes, patience must be healed" whispered my husband

I'm still crying

" mama also must take care of health so that later we can encourage adek" said my husband again

finally I fell asleep while crying it is certain that when I wake up my eyes will be swollen again.

It doesn't seem to describe how heartbroken I am to see my son. The child who was nine months older I was pregnant and I took it everywhere. now struggling to recover.

In the morning we were all ready to go home. I'm in a wheelchair because the delivery room's on the third floor so there's no way I'm going down the street by myself.

Before I go home, I look at my son for a minute

" mama came home first deck, adek must be strong to be healthy tomorrow mama came here again" whispered me next to the incubator. I hold her small hand for a moment. It already looks a bit thin because it does not drink milk only from intravenous fluids.

Arriving at home we were waiting for another brother. I tried hard even though I actually wanted to scream crying and crying to lose the tightness in the chest.

The night Mak was still at my house with me.' I had to be strong' My ass

my husband sleeps in the house I know my husband is actually just as broken as I am but he is trying to be strong. At eight o'clock my husband was asleep maybe he was tired a few nights in the hospital sleep-deprived in addition to my unhealthy child so drained of thoughts and emotions.

The next morning, my husband finished breakfast saying goodbye to visit our son. At home I am still accompanied by Mak. 'Oh Allah it feels heavy this ordeal' my inner self. Then I preached in this heart all the trials of God the trials of our lives. God will not test us if you cannot.

Our son has been in the hospital for a week. Today my schedule is double-checked and open the seams of the former operation. I have been visiting our son. I can't wait to see my son.

Finished from my poly straight up, my son's room was taken care of. I try to strengthen my heart so that I do not cry when I see my child. But did the power of tightness come again I came back crying. While I hold his hand that is already a bit thin.

" my mommy boy came in with a big whimper" I whispered slowly

It seems she knew that her mother had come she reacted in tears. I cried again because I couldn't hold my son to calm him down.

" dear cup-cup mama's children do not cry anymore yes, strong adek mama sure adek can" I said.

Finally I came out to breathe in the fresh breeze it was tight inside not strong to see my son like this. I was in the hospital all day. After the heat we went home. After driving me my husband will come back here again to take care - take care of who knows there will be important things.

My mom went home. Tonight I'm with my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law.

thirteen days my son was in care. I went back and forth once every two days to the hospital to see my son.

Tonight is Friday night, my husband as usual sleeps in the hospital. At home I happen to be a lot of accompanying. Sister-in-law brother-in-law and mother-in-law all sleep here. They all gave us support and encouragement. My mother also slept here

After Isya suddenly my husband called his voice sounded hoarse like crying. I've been thinking bad.

" mom should be patient mama should be sincere" said my husband

My world feels like my tears are falling right away.

" are critical again ma" said my husband again

I could not say a word if I was not in the same time and the distance from the hospital near my house I might have run there.

Because knowing my state of shock and not good. Her phone was taken by my sister-in-law and asked my husband what it was.

" adek this afternoon the navel has been released automatically the infusion is also released. But because adek can not drink milk weak state. Want to install the infusion on the hand veins are not visible because they are weak. His one-on-one surgery on foot tonight too. But the result is fifty percent failure and fifty percent success." long explanation from my husband

I immediately lemes and cries as it happens. I can't think anymore. Ngebleng. I could only cry while banging on my chest because it was so stifling to hear my son struggle between life and death.

'O Allah what should I do I am no longer strong, O Allah, ' my cry is in my heart

We're in a rain house crying. Because the man was wired Yasin at that time also called to go to the hospital to accompany my husband. Kasian my husband alone must be sad again he slumped and need friends.

All night I couldn't sleep. My mind goes to my son. I can't wait for the morning to catch up to the hospital to see my son strengthen my son. We all fell asleep in deep sadness.

...ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ...