Night In Istanbul
You Changed Mas

After we finished our work, we played with Indra. Indra looks very happy.

It's getting darker. After the Maghrib prayer, I looked back at the mobile screen, but there was no chat from Mas Ryan. Ryan didn't ask me and Indra at all.

(Is it because I'm going to Diamond's boarding house so Mas Ryan isn't worried?)

"son, it's getting darker we go home yuk."

"iya Ma," Indra immediately tidied up her toys.

"are you staying here Tin?"

"so Na. I'm not allowed to go home the other night with my husband."

"be careful, Intan if you sleep snoring," my temptation to Intan.

"mending dong I snore, rather than you like drooling," as if satisfied Intan returned my taunts he laughed.

We say goodbye and go home. If it had been a night like this, maybe Mas Ryan had reached home.

"ma, Indra was very happy to play with Aunt Intan and Aunt Tina. Indra has not played for a long time other than at Ma's house," Indra said with a cheerful smile.

"play with Papa is also fun. Indra tajarin. But Indra wants to play outside too Ma."

"when we play again to Aunt Intan's house. Later Mama will also take Indra for a walk," I realized because I was busy in college, to forget my son's right to spend time with me.

"it's a pleasure.promise ya Ma."

"yes dear Mama promised."

During the journey Indra continued to babble. He was raving about the things he used to do with Mas Ryan at home if I wasn't home anymore. But I stopped for a moment when I heard Indra's statement.

"papa before going to minimarket phone first Ma. Indra thinks call Mama, pick up Mama."

"whom Papa's calling may be Om Toni Papa's friend or Pakde-Bukde."

"we're wearing baby, Ma?"

The deg!

My heart was beating irregularly again. I was sculpting, trying to calm back the mind that I had worked so hard to put up.

"maybe Indra misheard Nak."

Indra looked confused and thought about my answer. We were at the door of the house. There's no way I'm going into a house with a fucked-up mind. Moreover, there is Indra here. I'm trying to open the door, hoping Mas Ryan has come home.

Czechoslovak. Door opens.

"assalamualaikum's chat.."

"wa'alaikumsalam," I was relieved to hear Mas Ryan's voice from inside.

"why..!" Indra immediately ran over to Mas Ryan who was sitting in the TV room.

"where has this clever Papa boy been?" asked Mas Ryan while stroking Indra's hair.

"tadi Indra invited Mama to the house of Aunt Intan. There's Aunt Tina there too. Indra is happy to play Pa there," Indra told me with passion.

Seeing Mas Ryan and Indra's interaction I became a little relieved. And blame my thoughts that have failed.

(Just like Ryan always does)

"have you had dinner yet?"

"already, I was cooking. Are you the same as Indra already eating?"

"i'm the same Indra had eaten earlier in kosan Intan."

I look at the kitchen. The kitchen was clean like I left it this morning.

(Maybe it was done after cooking)

"Indra change yuk's nightgown."

I immediately took Indra to her room to change clothes to get ready for bed.

The night is late. Indra was sleeping in her room. Ryan, who had just come out of the bathroom, started pulling the blankets. I saw Mas Ryan's face.

(It looks like Mas Ryan isn't having a lot of thoughts or being angry)

(Am I asking now?

I try to make up words. And choose priority questions. Because there's no way I'm showering him with so many questions at the same time.

I approached Mas Ryan. I held her shoulder gently and I lowered my voice.

"mas, how was Indra not invited to go to the minimarket?"

I chose the question that made me feel the most comfortable. But I keep smiling. Don't make me look angry.

"oh, Mas was in a hurry because he wanted to buy cooking oil. The cooking oil was a little. It's not enough to cook."

"because it's only for a moment, so Mas didn't take Indra."

"where to buy at minimarket?" I asked back.

"near here."

"i didn't see you when I got home from college?"

"yes you're outside 'em, Mas inside the minimarket."

"gold at the old minimarket? Is there anything to look for? Indra waits at home until Spongeb*b's favorite movie finishes."

"yes, Mas fitting there so remember need to buy some needs Mas already exhausted."

"said Indra Mas want to buy snacks at the minimarket," I was still not satisfied with my husband's answer.

Ryan did not answer. He looked at me with a dislike expression.

"why Mas?"

"i should ask why. Why is it not important to you?" his tone began to rise.

Instantly I was silent. I went back to the memory we spent seven years with.

(Normally I wouldn't get angry with a simple question like this)

(Mas Ryan knew from the beginning that I was chatty)

Ah, nevermind. I don't want us to fight. It's late and we both need time to rest.

I grabbed his hand and I apologized immediately.

"sorry, if you make me not like it" Ryan just kept looking at me.

"sleep yuk Mas. I also need to rest." Persuade me.

Ryan was silent. But he immediately put his whole body under the blanket. He slept by giving his back to me.

(Weird. So strange. Is Ryan angry?)

(Where has Ryan been so patient?)

(Where is Ryan who always apologizes first when we fight?)

I don't think I can sleep well tonight. Even if the AC in this room is turned on, but my heart is still hot and I'm very restless.

(Let's sleep Ana. Maybe Ryan is tired)

(Maybe it's my turn to take the initiative to give the best as Mas Ryan has been treating me )

After trying to calm my mind, I went back to sleep. And it works.

The days are getting missed. Mas Ryan's attitude did not return when we first got married. What still survives is only his attention to our son's senses.

But I still didn't give up. I always showed my love to Mas Ryan first. I tried to apologize first if we had a fight. I feel good doing that. But at the same time I feel sad. Because the response from Mas Ryan was very far from expectations.

(Dear, I will go home early because the lecturer is not present. What do I want to buy?)

I asked while tucking in the emoticon kiss as many as ten pictures.

(It is not . Cook it up)

Answer's flat. There is no "Dec" call at all that is commonly spoken to me. There was absolutely no kiss emoticon that he added at the end of the sentence.

And that makes me feel even more strange. Ryan often leaves Indra alone at home. Though he said just go to the minimarket or buy food around the house.

(Why isn't Indra invited?)

His attention to Indra had not changed. But his attitude that likes to leave Indra alone at home seems to be his new habit. And it's been going on for days.

Evenings in Turkey still feel hot when entering the summer. Outside as if the wind will not stop even if just passing by. And unfortunately that night my room AC died because it was being damaged.

"duh, it's hot!"

I was very surprised to hear Mas Ryan's voice suddenly shouted.

"the AC is broken..."

"yes, actually dong. Call the service provider AC cake," his voice still rising.

"i've called the AC service provider, but he's sick. So can't really be today."

"if he can't ya you find another dong, basic b*go."

"astaghfirulis... Mas. How the fuck is that?" like I don't believe what I hear.

Ryan who has never said anything rude, now tonight, in this room, he gave his curse to me.

I was still shocked and dumbstruck by what I saw and heard but Mas Ryan ignored and went straight out of the room to the living room.

(I heard wrong, right?)

(Did Ryan just say "b*go"?)

(The harsh words that never came out of his mouth now lightly he took out just because the AC in this room was broken?)

That night I couldn't sleep at all. I want to apologize and follow Mas Ryan down to the living room. But I don't dare. I'm really afraid that later Mas Ryan will curse again.

My tears came down slowly. I think this is our biggest fight in seven years of marriage. How not? Like or as careless as I am, Mas Ryan never once issued a curse.

I'm really sad. Is this my fault for making Mas Ryan angry?

(Athaghfirullah... Astaghfirullah.

The time is 02:00. I can't close my eyes. I felt my eyes wink from crying earlier.

I quickly got out of bed to the bathroom to take ablution.

I have the title of the prayer mat in the room. I will wear mukena soon. Tahajjud four rakaat sunnah prayer that I have fulfilled. Thank God my heart is a little relieved.

There is still about an hour and a half left to wait for the dawn. I'm getting my books ready for college today.

(I'm no longer strong if I hold this myself)

(Is it time for me to share with Tina?)

(But there is Intan too. I don't feel good if there's Intan. Because he lives near here, he's afraid that Intan is even thinking )

(What should I do, God?)

The sound of people reciting holy verses from the Qur'an is heard from the direction of the mosque. A few more moments may come at dawn.

I rounded my resolve to go down and woke Mas Ryan up to prepare for prayer.

I saw Mas Ryan sleeping soundly on the couch. His body was not covered in a blanket. The AC in the guest room is still on and shows a fairly cold temperature.

(How could she sleep so well after scolding me? )

Ah, nevermind. It's time I got to be patient.

"Mas Ryan, wake up yuk Mas. Soon the dawn." I woke her up gently.

Ryan brushed off my hand on his shoulder. As if not to wake up.

(Astaghfirullah.).

"you already want to sleep for a little while. I'll wake up after the Adhan, yes" I whispered slowly.

Ryan did not give any response. But I know that you heard what I said.

(It looks like Mas's still mad about AC last night )

At 03:25 already entered dawn prayer local time. We pray at dawn. I finished my prayer and kissed Mas Ryan's hand.

"mas, I'm sorry about last night, yes," if you recall the curse, my chest tightened again. But I mustn't look sad because there's Indra here.

"yes it's okay" Mas Ryan replied flatly as usual.

"i'll prepare breakfast immediately."

I went to the kitchen and prepared breakfast. Indra I left with Mas Ryan hoping to accompany Indra for a while.

"mama, what would you like to make breakfast?"

I was shocked to hear his little voice in the kitchen. He followed me to the kitchen.

"mama wants to make Indra's favorite rice omelette," Indra smiled at my answer.

"Indra loves Papa? In the kitchen there's a burning stove."

"papa went straight upstairs to Ma's room."

"have you waited in the living room while watching TV?"

"yes Ma."

(Why is Ryan again? Is he still angry?)

After breakfast, I was ready to go to college. We started class at 08.30 today. When I got ready, Ryan went into the room.

"if you're home from college don't forget to find an AC repairman. Let the night not be hot." His orders in a sharp tone.

"iyaa Mas. I'll find it."

"that should be taught. Free college high brains not dipake."

"what Mas?" I was shocked to death to hear what Mas Ryan said.

"get used to the brain. That's just don't understand. Gobl**," Ryan immediately left the room after the curse.

My body instantly shook and broke out in cold sweat. The veil I took from the closet is now falling. And tears without my command come out on their own.

Wh why? Why did Ryan turn out like this?