Love At the End of Dusk
I Don't Believe

The world is not turning on its axis. Everything was upside down and out of place. Hearing every word for every word the man spoke made me completely distrustful. It's hard for me to believe the truth. But I who could not remember the true events could not dispute it either.

No matter how hard I try to remember it, it doesn't appear in my memory.

The reality now is that I should be able to accept that I am no longer holy. And it is my holiness which has been taken away by him. I want to be angry or hate him but I can't and don't know what to be angry or hate him for what. Because according to his words, the incident happened on the basis of liking and liking, willing to be the same. There is no force or threat from anyone.

Even though I can't take it for granted. To whom shall I complain all my complaints. All the hopes that I tried to keep must now be dashed. The hope of him one day will bring back the love he once carried away. Because if he comes back how can I take responsibility for my current situation. Is he able to accept my situation with all his heart?

I opened my diary and poured out my heart for now.

"The sky tonight is mute as our heart is wistful.

Even though candra and kartika sparkle our hearts remain gray.

The eyes of the heart were closed drooping in doubt when the shadow of hope looks pseudo.

Love is no longer a unifying thread when it feels frozen.

Just be still we are glued without the usual tone melodious.

Will we let the memory slip with the baby?

In my shahdu heningku let me loose your shadow.

If your desire wants to vanish without my presence do not wave your fingers.

So that past memories do not hinder your dreams.

A fragile heart will remain broken with time."

And now I have to weigh up the offer that man made.

Casually and without feeling the slightest burden, the man made me an offer to marry him. Marriage contract. He felt responsible for what had happened to me. She was willing to take responsibility for her actions if I ever became pregnant. For that he is willing to marry if I am also willing.

In my heart I don't know what kind of choice to make. Because getting married is not easy. It is said to be only a contract marriage. But to me marriage is a sacred and sacred bond. Because all this time I've been expecting a legitimate, once-in-a-lifetime marriage.

But for now, I'm faced with a very, very, very difficult choice. If I agree to this contract marriage then there is a time when this marriage will end. But if I reject it, then I must prepare myself to be born and to accept all the consequences.

Since both of them are not a favorable choice then I should think about them with me carefully and appropriately. I need to calm down, examine my mind and prepare for every bad situation.

I want to ask someone and ask for input from people who are competent for it. But to whom? Ahhh. This is if all this time only focus on work less concerned with the people around me. Even the best friends I used to be with were like they were starting to move away.

If I now try to ask for their opinion, I myself am not sure if I will accept it. I'm sorry guys.!

But there is still hope. Father Paul. My spiritual guide all along. It's just that I haven't contacted him in months. Hopefully he will not be surprised to hear my slightly surprising speech.

While I was busy with my work, suddenly an office colleague came up to me and said to me,

" Sera, (my little nickname) you're called boss tuh to his room. I think it's an emergency" he said in a scary tone.

I nodded and immediately left, but earlier I thanked my colleague.

The door of the boss room was open, I kept knocking on the door and entered immediately even though I had not been told to enter.

" Mister" I said politely as an employee with the boss. The boss sat with his chin up and looked at me with a sharp look.

" How was your meeting yesterday with the Young Master CEO?

With a relaxed and calm demeanor I returned the gaze of this great boss of ours. Then I answer what it is.

" The cooperation is running smoothly sir, they want us to handle the projects that will be held by their companies. They will provide all the necessities and inventory of the items we need in the project."

" It's great. "timpal this boss of mine with his happy face.

" You are always reliable. You will get a decent bonus for that! compliment later.

Of course my heart is a little proud of the praise and rewards he promised. It's just that I don't know for sure how this big boss would react if he knew what we were talking about other than the cooperation project.

Will he still be proud, happy, praise me or is he in shock, angry or unacceptable.? I don't know. For sure, for now, it's pretty much a secret to myself.

Tonight, I plan to go see Father Paul. I should immediately consult to decide my life choices. Moreover, I must immediately give an answer as soon as possible so that I can make a decision for the continuation of our relationship.

After preparing myself, I soon found Father Paul in his monastery.

Now I was in a small prayer room called the Chapel, which was provided at the Monastery of St. Fatimas. This little monastery is very quiet and quiet. Although it is in the middle of a frenzied city, but if we enter into the atmosphere is very different. Very calm, quiet and comfortable.

Whenever I feel my heart restless, restless, empty and tired, I always take the time to be alone in this place. Bringing new strength. Because after all the time busy with worldly work, the bathin also needs calmness, silence and loneliness. Reflect on all life experiences and draw new strength to restart daily schedules that are sometimes too busy. Which makes us forget to look for a moment.

In this silence, I tried to reflect on my life these few weeks. There are many things I have missed, I have little respect for, and I am less grateful for. Remembering everything in this moment I found something meaningful in my life.