Love At the End of Dusk
I'm Not.

"I am not a poet who is good at stringing poetic words to adore you.I am not an artist who is adept at painting the beauty of your face on a white canvas.I am not a hero who is able to keep and protect you at all times..I am not a winged angel who can take you flying to heaven.I am not the sun who will always give you warmth.I am just someone who has a heart to love and be loved...though imperfect but sincere and holy....!

An old poem written in my diary. For some time now, I had forgotten to scratch my pen on the white paper where I used to pour out my heart.

Yep. I forgot some of the things I used to do. Forgetting has become my new habit.

Even today I almost forgot, if I had promised to go to Father Paul's place. Instead of forgetting it again, I decided to get ready to leave.

After tidying up, dressed properly I immediately rushed away.

With my beloved butut bike, I drove along the road that was not too crowded vehicles.

Even though I was so familiar with Father Paul, I still felt reluctant if I had to tell him about personal problems.

On the way to Father Paul's place I tried to decide what option I should give later if Father Paul asked me. And I don't know why, I remember her missing. Then my heart began to hum with these poignant lyrics,

..." Looking for you or ignoring you won't change a lonely heart....

...Though the heart desires, destiny has chosen to separate....

...In the stillness of the soul that was bustling with hopes, there was your shadow present that gave me the strength to lose....

...No longer do my hands hold your body to accompany my body....

...Let go with a little sincerity so that there is no regret....

...Wave a farewell smile so that my heart enjoys solitude....

...#relation....

Without notice, I was already outside the monastery of Father Paul. Before I set my foot to enter, I looked at the ancient buildings that stored a lot of historical in them. May it be tonight, truly a good and blessed night.

Press the white button next to the door. It was quite obvious that the bell was heard from inside. A few minutes later someone opened the door, dressed as a monk, a long brown. One of Father Paul's friends. Seeing his arrival, he immediately knew my intention and purpose in coming to this place.

" Please enter Dusk. Father Paul is waiting for you!

With a friendly smile I immediately entered and headed straight to the Chapel.

There Father Paul is waiting.

I came closer and without meeting face to face I immediately sat next to him.

" Good night, Father! my broom.

" Good night my daughter! reply Father Paul.

I also threw my eyes away at the Altar.

" Sorry Romo.! my answer was to admit without intending to find a reason to defend myself.

" What anxiety has caused you to come looking for me? Ask Father Paul without further ado.

I took a deep breath and sounded heavy. It took a considerable amount of strength to convey the inner struggle of what I was feeling right now.

And in the end word for word glided smoothly from my lips. I convey all the anxiety and doubt I hold in my heart. I have not missed the sins that I have committed even though I was unintentional and never expected.

Father Paul saw the mangosteen listening to the outpouring of my heart. Then he began to convey his message to me. He said,

" Our life is not always going to go according to our wishes and expectations. A lot of things happened far beyond our expectations. Even our logic is sometimes hard to accept.!

Father Paul took a breath for a moment, his silence continued.

" Just the attitude of surrender and trust in His will, then we will be able to accept every event that comes in our lives.

" When our hearts are troubled by doubt and doubt, we need only calm, speak to Him through prayer and listen to our inner voice, for there the Lord will speak to us himself."

I listened and tried to understand every word he said.

" We just need to open our hearts and let God in. If we're sure then we'll find the answer."

I closed my eyes and contemplated every word of Father Paul which to me was like a refreshing and soothing water.

And at that moment tranquility filled the recesses of my heart. In the stillness of my mind I open my heart so that this Owner of Life enters my heart and gives an answer to every anxiety I am facing right now.

" Thank you, Father, I am so grateful that God sent me Romo. Every time my heart feels the anxiety and worry Romo is always a lightening to my soul "my words with great newness.

" Then, have you found the answer. The answer to the question that got into your mind? Ask Father Paul back.

I nodded my head and said,

" It's Romo. I know what choice I have to make. And every choice has its consequences and I'm ready for it. Because of you I believe, God will not leave me in my weakness." I said with confidence.

Romo nodded in satisfaction and believed.

" Thank you, Father. Looks like I have to go. Thank you for such a precious time. Especially thanks for the enlightenment." I said with a pain of satisfaction. He nodded in agreement with it. And finally I went from there feeling calm, peaceful and happy.

I can finally decide with confidence. What choices I have to make and I will never regret.