There You Are Within You
Dua
Abandoned or left is equally heavy. It was just that if he were to leave could return and the one left behind was only able to stand desolate.
Abandoned with or without reason, it feels the same. Both leave wounds and tears.
It was a time when there was no reason to be the cause of our separation. There is not even a single explanation, which I can digest and accept.. You just left. Leaving a million wounds that made me want to die back then.
Disappear without a trace, evaporate like dew.
Everything was so shocking, it was even like something was coiling around my neck, making it difficult for me to breathe making my tongue faint to say.
Is not farewell always hard for those who are left behind? There is a sense of tightness like bubbles that fill the chest.
Still stuck in memory when we are still together, become a pair of love that love each other.
That smile... That laugh.... The perfume that always reconciles when you hold me, the gentle touch when you caress my face.
"Happy birthday kitaaa. happy birthday kitaaa.. happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday kitaa..."
Remember that time, when we sang together in front of a cake with a burning candle. Our cake, right on the night of the day we both had our birthdays.
A coincidence that we take as a sign that we are both partners. The date of birth is only one day different and every year we celebrate together.
Remember you? do you remember our time together?
Dry it feels these tears continue to lament you who disappeared somewhere. It felt like all the words how I had not been able to accept this reality.
Three years I tried to forget our memories, but until now I have not been able to...
I often even ask myself. "When was the last time you prepared your sleep without thinking about things?"
Please teach me how to let go without hating, because it turns out that sincere words are not as easy as what I say.
I actually still remember. Maybe sometimes I forget, but when lonely hit the shadow that I should either miss or I hate it always and again appears. Making my head so heavy, my heart went back into the deep wounds you created.
To this day I have not been able to stand up straight, it feels like half my soul is missing. Come along with your departure that I don't know where it's going.
Just a cup of coffee was my escape. A warm cup that I concocted myself, a substitute for a decoction that goes~
It was dark here, and there was not a speck of light around me. There is no place to just pour the burden in the heart, there is only a quiet that always envelops the days.
If I was given the chance to see you again, I might immediately scream. "I swear you'll miss me as someone you've never met in anyone!"
No. only my emotions say that!! If it's true that we can meet again, I will definitely run to hug you. Spilling my tears in your arms. I got tired of crying on the pillow facing hundreds of polar portraits that I had on the walls of the room.
***
A story about the struggle of the heart against love. Heals the invisible wounds created by men who do not seem to feel guilty in the least.
Vania lost Alif..
Every day I start trying to forget you, treating this wound alone. I told myself I deserved to be happy. I grieved for three years after you left, when I did not know how you are now, maybe you were laughing happily in your own world.
But it's not that easy for me.. I said I wanted to forget you but in fact today I came to the park where we carved many memories there.
That night..
"Sit here." invited Alif with a smile that showed his very sweet tooth.
We sat there together, joking and spending time. Towards the night where we will celebrate our anniversary together.
"Look, bee.. Malem is a lot of stars yaa.." said Alif while staring at the blackish blue sky with stars up there.
"Yes. uh look there, there's a shooting star!" Vania exclaimed as she pointed towards the star she saw.
"Manaa?" alif asked while looking at the direction that Vania pointed.
"Ituu." replied Vania while again pointing towards the star whose light was falling past the other star.
"Well, you make a wish dong!" alif said with a smile.
"Make a wish.. hmmp what is it?" Vania was thinking.
"Pocket dong.." said Alif impatiently.
"Yes yes.. I wish we could just keep going, keep laughing, keep happy...."
Until the change of the night arrived. When my birthday ended and Alif's birthday just started, we celebrated together. Blow candles, express hope, exchange gifts, to light fireworks that make the happy laughter increase.
Haha.. So sweet. Sadly, it was our last birthday.
Today is exactly three years I lost you. If I used to celebrate both of our birthdays, but now I'm just alone. There's not even one flickering star here.
My sorrow/Sammy Simorangkir
It was a day I passed
Without you accompanying
I guess I'm silent in my life
I can't afford to step
I still remember your beautiful smile
Which always makes me remember you
Take me in my sadness
Didn't realize you weren't here
You are still the most beautiful
Indaaah in my heart
Why our story ends
Something like this
I still remember your beautiful smile
Which always makes me remember you
Take me in my sadness
Didn't realize you weren't here
You are still the most beautiful
Beautiful in my heart
Why our story ends
Something like this
Something like this
You are still the most beautiful
Beautiful in my heart
Why our story ends
Something like this
The hampah now I think
I can't cry, either
Just the rest of the most beautiful memories
And my sadness
Only that song is accompanying me tonight, celebrating a birthday I don't want to celebrate anymore. Staring at the dark sky as dark as my heart, crying again for the umpteenth thousand times.
"Where are you, man?" Vania screamed as her heart ached again remembering about Alif going somewhere.
No one cared about my screams and cries, no one understood about these unhealed wounds.
It's just me. alone...
