Devotion (A Devotion)
Jin Dasim's

[Mas, where to? I have called since then without being able to, ]unreadable and unrequited messages.

My body trembled, recalling the answer given by Alfin regarding the departure of his sister and Mas Hadi. Take Caca to the Mother's event? Did ya?

Feeling lost, I tried to control myself. “Huft! The huft! Huft!” I took a breath many times to neutralize this erratic running heart rhythm. Cold sweat soaks the palms.

“Sabar, Love. Istighfar. Let the one who does not care for your heart find himself. Control yourself, honey. Assume you are a kite controller, which must stall sometimes must be interesting. Maybe the time is now slowly, stretch the fastener slowly.” This heart voice caressed affectionately.

My vision was blurred by the water that kept flowing from my eyelids. What did Mas Hadi mean to take Caca to her mother's place? Anxious with the behavior of her own husband who has been reminded but does not care.

[Yes, we'll be home soon.] Mas Hadi's reply I received.

When I read and made sure the position of the WA account was online, I pressed the call button. Not answered? WA account in online position, but not answer my call.

[Ga can answer the phone. Just] reply.

[Where is the gas? I'm not saying where I am going] I ask for an answer.

Read but not yet answered. ‘Mas Hadi is typing messaging’, as soon as I read it on the monitor screen. Long time writing it.

[Some have died.]

Just to write ‘ada who died’, Mas Hadi took a few minutes longer. Weird right?

[Who?] Curious, someone died but I don't know.

[Rina's mom, office admin.]

[Why aren't you waiting for me? Doesn't Rina know me too?]

[Yes, tomorrow we are invited to go.]

[Said Alfin, Mas Sama Caca to the show Nofi.]

I wait for the message to read. But hope is in vain. The message did not meet his master.

[Mas, please answer. Please pick up my phone, just for a second.]

[I'm bothered!]

[Why did Caca and her mother care?]

[Who's taken care of!]

[Said Alfin, Mas ngantar Caca.]

[Yes, Caca cried to go home, and then I went to his mother]

[Ngapain took care of him. There's his dad up ahead. Anterin went to her father's house. Why should I bring?]

[Can't you, nganterin?]

Allah Rabbi! Why don't you understand this guy with my feelings.

[What time is it coming home? I'll just wait at home. We talk.]

[I don't want to go home just for a fight.]

[Yes, don't be angry. Must not fight, pick up my phone let me calm down.]

[Ga] the answer is short.

I almost jumped into reading that reply.

[Thank you.] I closed the conversation in the chat with a broken heart.

Faced Mas Hadi for fifteen years, and the man could not appreciate his wife's feelings. “Huft!” I took a deeper breath. The deeper, the more it hurts.

your religion,” my sigh is watered down.

Azan Asar has been reverberating. I went out of the room and took the children as well Alfin who was still playing games for prayer. After the prayer, they play back. The joking sounds and jovial laughter are typical of children.

Inside the room, I was pensively staring out the window connected to the garage. I saw out there, the orange-colored afternoon sunlight hitting the leafy rambutan.

Ahead of the Maghrib, Nofi's voice was heard shouting for Alfin from outside. The car horn sounded a few times. I don't want to see him.

“Speed brother, already want Maghrib!” his voice was heard calling his son.

Huh!

*****

[Where is the gas? Not home yet at night?]

Dusk has surrounded the day with a gloomy shadow. The sky slowly swallowed the scorching afternoon darkly. The orange spray in the western horizon has disappeared. The sound of nocturnal beasts flying flapped black wings. The world has night.

As before, the message was unreadable and unrequited. I sighed in agitation.

Towards Isya’ sounds of cars entering the garage. My heart is worried, how should I welcome it? Feelings of disgust, anger, hate and tightness more dominating themselves.

After the roar of the engine stopped, and the sound of the car door sign sensor locked, there was a sound of the front door opened, and closed again. In fact, he did not say hello when he entered the house. Habits I don't like other than his habit of leaving prayers.

His feet approached the room. This heart is getting messed up. I pretended to still be sitting on the prayer mat continuing the afternoon dzikir. When the man entered the room, I did not say hello at all, even the dislike of seeing him in this house began to come. I really hate him.

“That's it, if the husband comes home. Didiemin?” said annoyed.

I kept my head down on the prayer mat, not poking at the sentence. He just doesn't care about my heart, why should I take care of him? He just won't pick up my phone. Why should I answer the question?

Mas Hadi out of the room. I heard the sound of faucets from the bathroom next to the room sounding, maybe he took a shower. A few minutes later, I heard the sound of plates and spoons clashing. The dining room is located right in front of the room, the sound of glasses filled with water from the dispenser I could hear well. What else is the television in the living room is dead. The children are busy with their work in their own rooms.

I usually serve all the needs of Mas Hadi. Starting from preparing change of clothes, towels, get food and drinks. When I heard he was eating and drinking in the dining room alone, there was something empty in this soul.

Where did the devotion that I had intended for my husband go. There's no sense of service since I know he has another heart to guard. Like what he used to say to me,”if you don't want to be defended, why do I keep you?” is the time now? If he doesn't care about me, why do I serve him.

“Suami go home, but leave it alone. What kind of wife are you?” pick it up when you get into the room.

I remained in silence on the prayer mat, without the slightest reply to his words. I don't mind the maki caci and the harsh words. I assume he's not in this room.

“You heard not when I came home?” the man approached my prostration.

I sat down, lowered my head, without saying much. I listened to each word with endless recitation. “A’udzu bikalimatillahittammati min syarri maa khalaq. I take refuge with the perfect words of God from the evil of the creatures He created.”

“Heh, can you answer no?”

Her burly hand lifted my face that had been soaked by tears. I close my eyes not wanting to see the appearance of a man who does not understand his wife's feelings. I whispered a spell of exorcism from the mouth that had been foamed by saliva over and over again.

“Sabar, Love. Easy, Honey. Submit the dasim genie who wants your family to fight and hate each other. Don't let the devil who likes you noisily win. Quiescent. Justjust listen. Don't reply. Don't reply, yes, dear. Quiet, yes, dear.” The caress of the soft voice crept in tears.

“You heard no?”

I opened my eyes slowly and tried to smile at him, even though these eyes were wet. “Mas, I know and hear Mas coming home. But I'm praying and praying.”

“But I'm your husband!”

“Mas, you are my husband, but when I need it, there is none. When my heart was troubled and agitated, the lady would not pick up the phone and reply to my message. So like you said, why am I chasing trying to notice you. If you don't want to be noticed, I don't care. But don't demand to serve as usual, yeah. I don't want to say hello and serve, because I don't want to be mad at you for taking Caca to see her mother,” my smile explains at length, so that she understands why not serve and answer.

The tyrannical face of the man revealed a surprised and angry expression as I turned back the words he had said. His eyes are sharp red. His lips trembled withstanding the curse.

“I don't want Nofi to leave the kids in this house again. Later I tell him,” I firmly told him.

“No need, I'm the one who said!”

“What do you mean?”