THE WILL OF LOVE "HAPPY LAST"
he left me
She's leaving me
Nope..!
It wasn't the whole of him that left, it was just a rough body. Love and promise
I keep it in my soul. Many times I comfort myself and say to conscience “
it won't be long, love will take her home soon”.
But then again, it was hard for me to live the day without his presence. I can't
dodging when the feeling of loneliness hit me on a long silence. The longing comes within
seconds and gave me no room to breathe. It's in every corner
my eyes, when I too began to close. His face was fixed, bringing a smile that was not
ever withering.
Surprisingly, I enjoyed all of this. It turns out that true, longing is a torment
very delicious. I thought only the people of Adam yan easy by heart and delicious taste. Turns out
all the women were ambushed by an endless desolate sweetness. It is now my routine menu
remembering everything about him.
When I wake up from sleep I can't stop myself from remembering little things
about himself. About how he was teasing me, about how honest he was in his speech
words and behavior, about the eyes that dazzle for anyone who looks at him.Also about his maturity that sometimes appears unexpectedly. She's the jewel of my heart.
Taking it away was a very hard choice for me. Take it away go far
it was a very hard choice for me.
It's not that I don't believe in his ability to keep our love garden. I believe
to him, more than I trust anyone on this earth, even I trust him more
than myself. Not once did he disappoint me. There is one valuable lesson I learned
get from him, when one day he told me, “honestly it's hard, sometimes it's bad
bitter, but if not taught to be honest, then gradually conscience will hurt.”
Again, I trust him very much. It's just love that runs in my blood
as much as the flow of springs that never mongering makes me worry about the situation.
The outside world is so violent and evil, I don't want my man touched by the evilness of life. I
I want to give her the best. Whatever he wants is his desire
greatest forever. Again, he's the jewel of my heart. We spend our days without a smile and
his crisp laughter made me feel like the world no longer had spring and autumn.
I am not someone who can express my heart and taste through the language of words, but hopefully
the wind and natural dance of the mini mala reminded him why I never took a step back
and will always be in the boat of our love, until time will bring it back.
I'm not a fortune teller, but I have the same confidence as an accomplished astrologer “That's true
obstacles will not shake me, because every obstacle will sit on the precision of the heart
the kukuh”.
I still don't understand, “I looked at my record“ men like knights
looks like he can get anyone he wants. Then if he falls to China,
the woman must be extraordinary. Meanwhile, the one described was a woman like me
the unusual. Okay, if he betrayed me, he'd have to find a better woman
from me, she must be a career woman, the best PTN alumnus. But that doesn't guarantee him to be
a special figure in his heart, right?”. I began to pause for a moment to breathe a sigh of relief, but no
in a long time, the mind started to fight with all sorts of questions, in my mind it started
waking up words that make something into a fragile woman, “just let's be right it happened, “
it is precisely the mystery of love, when the heart can reach those qualities that do not catch the eye.It could be that the man saw another”. I don't know what people think, I'm ordinary
imagine how complex my own thought system is,” my inner eye glares, “in
the complex system, it could be the mirror is ready to turn at any time, as easy as turning the palm
hand. The human brain is almost always headed toward comfort. I fear he becomes
comfortable with others. This was the beginning of my anxiety that made me unable to sleep more
early on.
With my head leaning against the corner wall of the room, I observed the motor – motor
then weeds on the street. Reads almost all of his license plates. Nor did I miss
how many types and colors of helmets look different, habits that never change.
Unfortunately, now all that is no longer meaningful, unlike the eyes of a child before, I do not
know what's gonna be gone any minute. I saw the motor stop at about eight in the morning,
“Sri, let's go out, we go for a walk”, yana shouted.
“Sorry Yan, again not feeling well.”, Yana is still not moving. He stood straight in front
home, feet on the ground, I envy her, Yana doesn't realize I envy her, Yana yang
unperturbed by her monotonous life, Yana doesn't mind having a heart without moorings
cold without fire. Yana who never asked too deeply why I started to be quiet
in the room. I envy him, he met Danang. Mannered man from an old noble family
five years older than him. Seeds, bebet, good weight so that it can destroy the heart
his parents. I don't know if it's leaking or tightening. Which parents do not want
have a daughter-in-law and besan like that. Got this-that, this brother and anu, his friend the official
A and C. officials are fun. How could it not be, if the whole community
around her praised at all times, repeatedly saying how lucky Yana was
a guy like danang.
Yana went into the house, and looked at my situation.
“Yan here enter”,
“What morning tumben ngajak so early“Temenin I buy something in the market, later in the afternoon there is a father Danang and family
the magnitude comes home, so want to buy vegetables to cook later”. I also began
nodding nods.
“Yan, you're lucky to get a husband like Danang?”.
“Yes, I'm very lucky”.
“ What's less than Danang”?
“Dan, glad to be supported everyone”.
“Happy to see both families often come silaturahmi”.
“Wait especially?. Ask fast.
“Ya, Sri, Do’akan best”.
I still envy her, I don't want to hear her happy news while I'm still deep
the brink of destruction was left, I rushed to cut off the conversation and drive him
go directly to the market.
And, say the Kabul ijab, Yana's first agenda after graduating from college. The Graduation
stay a little while.
For a moment my mind stopped that day. Luxury wedding in hotel ballroom, reception
the dream of almost everyone; first-class facilities from food to penghulu, total
the cost reached hundreds of millions but behind the capital, and which became more important again, a series of
important people are starting to emerge. I don't know how many film reels are spent on portraits
together, while the photos are so, he doesn't understand the meaning of his pride.
retreat even further, active and cheerful teenage girl. Rarely make a fuss, rarely
make problems. He was a great friend and the best student. But then his mind
copying something. Why did he have to take so many extra lessons? Why her mother should
extra friendly to the teachers and do not forget to leave the envelopes every take
the report? Why he should be able to sing, why he should join the silat club with company
his father who often sat on the edge of the field, why the value of maths lessons should be above seven, while he could not praise anything if the Indonesian language can value
The nine? Why must he live so long in comparison, he
her grandmother, she's with her son this one? And , why can't he date with the practices
the behavior he likes, just because his type is not the type of parents? Another turn, dozens
years passed by, Yana still had no answer to all that. Even if it is difficult, his mind
trying hard to get back to playing free in my spacious backyard with
toy strewed grazed. The voice of his father called out, “Yan, it's late afternoon. Come on, shower, shower,
later come learn to teach with all brother. Yana little snot boy according. Adorned
mukena cute white, she walks cheerfully beside her sisters. Arriving at ustad's house
understand tajwid's lesson. And Yana did not understand. To him, it was all language
outlandish. The rest he just kept quiet and listened occasionally. What he was waiting for was singing
singing when the sign sign of the end of that time. But that afternoon there was one
unrest alighted, and her innocent self still heeded such a thing. Without doubt it
ask ustad Herman, ustad, if yana wants to visit tomorrow how? “
You can't teach.” Ustad Herman replied wisely, “ if for children
as small as Yana who can not teach, yes study first until big, later if it is big and
already can teach surely later iftad allow to join the Quran recitation with others. Yana
mesmerized. Along the way home he began to think about the process of namatan using arak jajan
from home to mushola. Until a dozen years, Yana was never lonely, there was
his brothers taught him to read the Koran every night. And finally Yana has
clever teaching, the Quran has been rejected back devoured until khatam. Until her husband
Danang is interested because seeing Yana is smart to teach.
Unlike me, I always make a fuss, mother is already dry crying tears
confronting me. I was naughty, always making my mother angry. Maybe I am
got karma from mom so that the person I love, my lover left me.
My phone felt lonely, either because no one remembered me or it did
people don't need me. I looked at the cell phone I put on the pillow
sleep, wait for the right moment for when I'll call first. After one
the clock I sat pensively in the corner of the room while counting the vehicles passing by the street, the sound of my cell phone embroidered. To my surprise I picked up the phone, it was true, he was the one
I waited all this time to come too, although by phone I was quite vibrating to hear that it was
from him, a person who is always special is cared for. But not all I can pick up the phone is closed, it's closed,
I quickly called back. Hello Mas? “call me soft”.
“Ya, Sri?.”
“you've been quiet lately?, Any problem I can help you with?”
She fell silent again, “Ya Sri, I fell in love with another woman. Can we go back in time
and no need to continue this relationship again?.
If I've got it wrong with Geral, just say it, don't hold it yourself, just say it.
Communication between us should be kept smooth, with a soft tone I said the word
for the sake of words with trembling hands. And more gently he said.
” Sri nothing wrong kok”.
“Keep what?”. You're healthy, right?,
“I'm healthy, most tired of being busy a little.”
“You are too busy, so you rarely call me”
“That's it, I want to tell you a few things, because I'm feeling busy lately we
after this relationship, I have also met women since I first started
working here, one office with me, I'm getting interested in him”. Geral my boyfriend used to be
High School, but after graduating, he became one of the out-of-region students at one of the Universities
Private college in Jogja, he has not graduated from college but has started working as an editorial writer
news on private television. He went to college while working.
“Hearing Geral's words wanting to break up from this relationship, made me
become limp, as if this footstool as if separated from the handle”. I also sat down, too,
and the phone was still in the ear, still sitting in the same seat in the corner of the room.
“Ger, don't let me down a second time, the courtship I know isn't this complicated, ““What pattern came up with him snatching you from me?”,
“Revenge?”.
“I hurt you too often, but I persevered in the hope of being happy
last with you”. Hearing the key words I said, he fell silent.
“Let us celebrate an emotional revolution. Remember the emotions that flow in the direction
true maturity”. Don't let you be a loser, I don't want to let myself
fooled by a striped nose like you”.
I started what Abraham Maslow said.
“When man has overcome all his basic needs for survival, he too
it is possible to pursue a higher livelihood. Self-actualization: knowledge of
he is at the deepest level, and he is the one at this level.” Which means he's rich, by the way,
no worries about material. He is also well established, not dizzy about the physical. He's knowledgeable
tall and the back of the seeker, otherwise he is stuck at the material and physical level
earlier.
One really not simple difference, my difference with the woman he is
like it, his eyes were not only sharp, but also instantly radiating. Others are like
the display of a series of sparkling saws, but without action.
The soft rubber spring mattress finally rested after a sudden call from him
die. Somehow he turned off his phone without saying goodbye, and I was embarrassed to go back
calling her. So you could say, he more does not have a norm even though higher education if
not asking permission to hang up.
I started to hate him, I cried all the time in my room, no pillows
the power of holding back my tears, the bulls were all washed away and wet.I imagine the woman with him, the woman he chose. I imagine that woman
smiling scornfully at me, I imagine him saying in my ear and then saying,
” Precisely because I'm more than you,
“I'm sexier than you, “
I'm more beautiful than you, man,
“More everything from you”.
I cried sobbing until I fell asleep tired of crying all day.
It soon felt like the time showed the adzan magrib arriving, all so quickly passed
with the memories that have just happened to me. It was as if I had my own time dimension,
and sucked everyone into it.
Now, I'm stranded in a field of slow moving time. Fortunately it can still
the air of life in me. Fortunately, I did not darken my eyes and close
this life. Suicide, or hang yourself, falls off the limmteen floor. I don't think so
perhaps until such, imagining falling off the floor alone is not daring.
Every time I feel sad, I always scribble the lines on the paper, keep counting starting from
hour to hour. Arrived on a sunny Sunday morning, but the memories with him are still mine
remember clearly, but this is the height of all torment. In the corner of the room accompanied by a chair and that always
I did the vehicle count and saw the motor plates and didn't forget to count the helmet type
who passed by, but I refused to come out with swollen eyes.
Really one that piqued my interest, Phone. Ringing or a phone call.
But I was embarrassed, and my goal was really nonspecific, obviously he wanted to break up with me
how could I beg for love from her, I've forgotten about her. I
look out the window again. The expanse of the house that small items neatly arranged duluar.
But my room is still scattered, a dwelling that is not ideal for singles like me who want to
success. In a twitch of rice, suddenly this house became so quiet.Ten minutes later, I began to realize how ridiculous this is all. I am the
known as a very effective and efficient time-winder it has wasted half a day
to do something useless and meaningful. Running in the deep
a matter of months, even a few weeks ago it was stupid and ridiculous because I didn't
I can cover anything from my sadness. I was surprised, maybe this is how it is
existence. Love is not liberating. Love is tyrannical, it shackles. Drive me to the ravine
in the sacrifice of wounds.
Now I understand, in fact, my golden reputation, my career, nothing has any meaning to
times like this. Ineptly all of them knelt before the greats
love opium, makes me feel so weird. Meaningless, useless, useless.
“True love must unite, even if they are separated but they never are
changed”
