The Longing for Perfection
Ichtiars

The next night, they did not try again. Farah was still a little traumatized. Yes, there is actually a sense of insecurity and inferiority in him. Sometimes, he was even afraid to try again. But he always turned his mind over many times.

If he doesn't want to try again, what about Zayn. That's Zayn's right. All men who have had wives need them. If Farah didn't fight back on her fears, what if Zayn left her. Farah doesn't want that.

"I've found his gym, Mas" Farah said on another occasion.

"What kind of sport?" ask Zayn.

"There's kegel and yoga" Farah answered. "For now, I want to try yoga first."

Zayn nodded. "Enjoyous," he said.

And they went through this night so long.

The night Farah missed was when she could meet him. These nights are still sad. So sad with an incision of disappointment and fear.

In my heart, there is a great fear. Farah was afraid that she was suffering from something that was secretly eating away at her body. A disease that was lodged in his body. But he always denied it. He always told himself he was okay. Little by little, he would change his life pattern. Hopefully this will make his situation better.

After teaching, Farah permits Zayn to go to the city. This was the first day she took a yoga class. 

When the yoga class was over, Farah did not dare to go home. She was afraid of getting a sharp glare from her in-laws for coming home late. She also did not intend to tell about herself taking yoga classes. He was afraid Atun's mother would assume if it was a wasted job and waste money.

Farah sent a message to Zayn.

"Mas," type Farah in her message.

"Yes, honey," Zayn replied. His work is not much. So he could quickly reply to his wife's message. "Is the yoga done?" tanya Zayn next is still in chat.

"It was but I didn't dare go home" replied Farah.

"Why?"

"Fear scolded mom." Farah answered honestly. "Fear I thought I bought a minimarket again."

Zayn chuckled softly reading Farah's reply. It seemed, she had to talk to her mother so as not to be so harsh on Farah. In order to let Farah be comfortable while in her house.

"Well, we'll be home together."

"But I don't want to go to the village chief's office. Mas's friends are always getting sucked up."

And Farah's phone is ringing. He received a call from Zayn.

"You want to go for a walk?" ask Zayn after the call is connected and say hello.

"Where to walk?" Farah asked back.

In the end, Farah took a walk first. He goes to a clothing store and buys clothes for Zayn and his sister.

"Dear, where? I'll be home soon." Zayn sent Farah a message.

"Still in town, Mas. Wait for me around the corner to enter the village yes, Mas," replied Farah. The woman then brought her red matic motor to return. There was Zayn by the time he reached the T-junction of his village.

Farah smiled seeing him. He felt grateful that Zayn was a patient and understanding man.

Slowly, Farah stopped her bike right next to Zayn's car. The man immediately opened his car glass and smiled to greet his wife.

"Let's go home" said Farah. "I have something for you" he continued. After saying that, Farah then went on her bike again with Zayn following her from behind. The man stared lovingly at the woman in front of him.

Arriving at the room, Farah gave her the clothes she had just bought.

"Don't you like it, Mom?" tanyakanya. "Uuhh, what a handsome." Farah pinched Zayn's cheeks.

"Thank you, honey," said Zayn. He kissed Farah's cheek with affection.

When night falls. Farah was always overwhelmed with anxiety. He even had a feeling of fear in him.

Time showed at ten o'clock in the night and Zayn had not returned. The man was attending a meeting at the village chief's office.

On the bed, Farah sat down trying to cross her legs as she practiced the basic exercises of Yoga. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Right now, Farah had the thought of trying with her finger. This, was not about being banned but he just wanted to make sure, whether to use something smaller, could or not. Perhaps, this will be one of his therapies.

Farah's heart was racing. He read Istighfar and basmalah first to try it. He tried it very carefully.

And he was suffocating stifled from feeling pain as his finger pressed down there. Just like when he tried it with Zayn. Suddenly his muscles stiffened and rejected everything.

So .... with his finger can't even. Farah breathed a disappointed breath. She's afraid. He's worried. What's wrong with him. Why is he like this.

Farah's tears are dripping. He felt fear in him. Does he have a disease? What kind of disease is this. It seemed, friends and all the women who were in the village were nothing like her.

Farah will be more active to take Yoga classes. If one month is still not fruitful, he will come to the baby shaman. Perhaps, the baby shaman could help him.

Farah changed her nightgown with a long nightgown. He even closed his eyes after that. Farah did not want to see any more disappointment on Zayn's face.

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