The Longing for Perfection
It's okay, Farah

Olive Oil??

Zayn frowned looking at what Farah had given him. But a second later, he understood.

Zayn took the olive oil from Farah's hand.

"Bismillah" he said expectantly. He is the most patient man, if not .. maybe he was already cranky from the beginning they were married because Farah who could not give her rights as a husband.

"Farah" whispered Zayn. He's trying to make Farah relax. "Darling, I love you" said Zayn. A soft speech that penetrates the walls of the heart. So warm and perfect. 

Farah nodded with a bite of her lips. He's starting to feel pain. And his body automatically seemed to reject everything. His muscles instantly stiffened. 

"Mas, pain," he murmured. She started crying.

Not wanting to give up, Zayn added olive oil and tried again. But really, Farah still can't. The pain even made Farah subconsciously grip Zayn's arm sharply. The grip made Zayn's arm bleed slightly.

Zayn stopped and he looked at his arm. How much pain Farah felt until her grunts were so strong on Zayn's arm.

Farah pulled out a blanket to cover her body and cried. He can't. Tonight still can't. Farah was angry at herself. She couldn't even bear to apologize to Zayn, she cried with a heart that was raging furiously at herself. With a tightness in his chest. Why can't he? Why is this so painful

Zayn as usual took a glass of warm water for Farah.

"Please drink first" he said of attention. Yes, although often disappointed, this man is still very attentive to Farah. Perhaps, if it wasn't Zayn, Farah would have been divorced on their first night. Yet this was Zayn, the man who was so patient with her. Hopefully until later Zayn will not lose his patience and sincerity.

"Honey," call Zayn. He tried to open Farah's blanket. But the woman held her blanket firmly. She was crying and kept crying. Her self-disappointment made her think that she was a useless woman.

Zayn put the glass on the nightstand. He slid his body beside Farah.

"It's okay, Farah," he said quietly.

Farah's chest grew increasingly claustrophobic about hearing it. The same words he always heard on the night that Zayn was disappointed in him. Disappointment that repeated. Farah cried even more, her crying voice was no longer even heard because her chest was so tight. Why is he like this.

"Farah," Zayn called him. There was no response from Farah. She was still crying without a sound.

"Don't cry. It's not your fault, maybe I'm not good at guiding you" Zayn said.

"It's my fault." In the end Farah let out a voice. That voice is so deep.

Zayn tried to pull out Farah's blanket again. This time Farah let him.

Zayn rubbed Farah's hair gently. He then lowered his head to make a kiss at Farah's head.

"We learn together, yes," Zayn said. "Not think about it anymore. It's okay."

Farah took her eyes on Zayn.

"Sorry to disappoint you again, Mas" he said with a sigh of excitement. The real voice was very difficult to get out of his lips.

Zayn nodded and again made a kiss on the tip of his head. He said do'a there.

"Stttt." Zayn rubbed his lips so Farah wouldn't say anything.

It's always been this way. The slow shahdu night became a cry and disappointment. Farah was really disappointed in herself. Is he less relaxed. Is he still very tense and groggy.

"Mas" call Farah very slowly. Her chest is still tight.

"Hm." Zayn hugged her. "Not think about it anymore" he said.

"I'm sorry, Mom," said Farah. An apology he never tired of saying.

Zayn nodded and kissed her cheek. "Don't think about it, okay. Miss pretty teacher," comfort Zayn.

"Mas, I love you. Really am. You believe me, don't you?"

"Yes. I believe."

Farah shifted her body to get closer to Zayn. He hugged the man tightly. He was silent for a while and dared to ask.

"I why, Mom?"

"Why what?"

"It seems, not all women are like me" Farah replied.

Zayn took a long breath and took it out slowly. Honestly, he doesn't know either. But from the stories of his friends, he knew that, their first night was going well. This is him who is not clever or Farah who cannot. I don't know. They are both civil.

"What if we go to the doctor?" Zayn tried to give advice.

Farah immediately shook her head. The doctor was a creepy person for Farah. He doesn't want to. Especially about their reproductive organs.

"There may be another way, Mas," Farah replied. "I will be diligent in drinking herbal medicine, or coming to the baby shaman, or participating in special sports."

Zayn nodded. Yeah, I hope so. Little by little they will find a way. Little by little they will try. Bismillah.

Her morning. Farah arranged the uniform that Zayn was wearing.

"Pak sekdes, handsome. Hopefully no one glances," said Farah.

"Mother teacher also hope no one is seduced."

Farah chuckles. After that, they had breakfast together. Mother noticed Farah's eyes that looked puffy. Atun's mother wondered if Farah was crying because the girl wasn't here or why.

"Assalamualaikum, ma'am" Farah said to her mother-in-law.

"Wa'alaikumussalam" replied Atun's mother.