The Decapitation of Wounds
Chapter 27

I sat daydreaming in the shop looking at the raindrops that were falling this afternoon. The wind that blows feels so cold. This afternoon the atmosphere was peaceful. I haven't felt this kind of atmosphere in a long time.

From the meatball stall not far from here, there were radio noises that chimed in the sound of rain. I listened to it in passing. Just stop by your ears and forget it. I focused more on the crowded raindrops that hit the wet asphalt. It was cold to the eyes.

"Ma," call Tassa quietly. I didn't realize my daughter was behind me.

"Yes," I said short.

"Cock daydreaming? Mama's thinking about Faris?" ask Tassa.

"Yes, mama thought about Faris, also about you" I said slowly.

"About Tassa? What's Tassa, ma? Tassa is fine," said Tassa puzzled.

"Maybe Tassa is not aware that Tassa's attitude has been seizing my mother's mind" I said, turning to her.

"Which Tassa attitude, ma?"

"Try here to sit by my mother" I asked. Tassa said, she immediately sat down near me.

"Sa, you're all grown up now. You must understand how the feelings of parents whose daughters always act cold to men, may even tend to hate. Honestly, this attitude of yours makes you anxious, Sa," I said in a serious manner.

"Ah," Tassa took his seat. "So about that?" tanyakanya.

"Do you think it's not a serious problem, Sa?"

Tassa let out a long sigh then looked at me with her clear eyes. "Tassa understands mom's feelings. And Tassa apologized if Tassa's attitude all this time had confused mama. But, ma, why don't we just let the soul mate come by itself? Tassa didn't close Tassa's heart, ma. Tassa is just waiting for the right time and the best man to be Tassa's life companion. So you don't have to be confused, what's more anxious about Tassa."

"But Tassa always said that Tassa doesn't need men. Those words annoyed mom, Sa."

Tassa smile. "Tassa doesn't need men, ma. Because currently Tassa is struggling to pursue the ideals of Tassa. But one day, Tassa will choose the best one to be a priest for Tassa."

"Tassa doesn't hate men? Not traumatized by what Papa did to us?"

"Honest of all, ma. Inside here, there is still affection for papa," Tassa pointed to his chest. "Tassa understands that papa is just an ordinary human being who does not escape from wrong. And again there was another male figure that Tassa had secretly admired all this time."

"Who?" manya curious.

"Grandfather, Mr. De Boby and Om Faisal. They are examples of men who are loyal to the family. Those who make Tassa believe that there is still a man who can keep his heart only for his family. Perhaps Tassa did not admire papa as a faithful man. But Tassa still loves papa, ma."

How glad my heart is to hear Tassa's words. The burden of the mind has been weighing on me all this time. All those bad thoughts went away. Tassa only needed time to heal his heart wounds. And he made his textbooks and ideals into a healing medicine. I will give him time to find the best man for him. The story he lives may indeed have to be like this.

***

In the evening, our family sat in the living room. There's Tassa, Ayala and Resa on the long couch. There was me and Mas Dudy sitting tensely in front of them. There were also my father and mother-in-law sitting quietly by the window. They were deliberately present at the family meeting I had tonight. But they said they would only be witnesses. They won't vote. They leave all decisions to us.

"What question is that?" my many.

"If Faris doesn't live here, where will he stay?"

"At Mr. De Boby's house. Yesterday papa and mama talked about it with Mr. De Boby's family and they agreed to take care of Faris if you'd refused Faris to stay here" I said.

"Then just give him to Mr. De Boby. Because Tassa doesn't want the boy here" Tassa said.

Ayala followed with a nod of her head. "He's Aunt Ika's son, a bad woman," he said.

"So you can talk like that. Faris is also a father's son" I said reminding.

"But he's not your son. She's the girl who ruined my mama's happiness. If he's here, your heart wound won't heal, ma. Surely mama will be remembered for papa's betrayal first," said Tassa gave an excuse.

"But Faris has not sinned against us, Sa. And as a father's son, he also has the right to stay here and get affection from papa, just like you," I said.

"Want mama sacrifice her feelings again?"

"Mama do it for Faris."

"What difference? For the sake of Faris or for Aunt Ika or for the sake of papa, everything will be the same to bring bad memories for mama. Stop sacrificing for others, ma."

"But Faris was just an innocent little boy, Sa. Is it fair that we show him off because we hate his mother? And don't you forget that she's your sister, too."

"Yes, mama was right" said Resa who had been listening silently since.

"So my sister agrees that Faris lives here with us?" tanyaku.

"Yes, sister agrees, ma," she replied to me a little relieved.

"Sister didn't feel the hurt Tassa felt, ma. At that time my sister was too small to understand everything" Tassa said as if protesting at Resa's voice.

"Yes, my sister knows how sick it is to lose papa because it was captured by Aunt Ika!" connect Ayala quickly.

"But Faris shouldn't be punished for Aunt Ika's mistakes, right? If Faris had been there at that time, maybe he would not agree with the actions of his mother," said Resa sound wise.

Tassa and Ayala were silent. I glanced at Mas Dudy who had only been a listener since. My husband didn't want to say anything. We let him nod and let out our hearts very openly. I wanted to ask him what he thought of all this. But then Mas Dudy said he wouldn't vote. He will accept whatever decision we will agree on. Mas Dudy was afraid that his opinion would hurt my feelings and those of the children. He knew that everything about Ika would hurt us very easily.

"Mom knows a word of agreement we won't get tonight. Maybe we all need time to think. Mama believes that our hearts are divided in two. On the one hand we want to continue to hate Aunt Ika and want to avenge it now. But the other side hesitated and asked if this was fair to Faris? Because Faris is just a little boy. For Faris is also a son of papa, just like all of you. Because soon Faris had to be an orphan and lost the only person who loved him very much. So mama asked to contemplate first with a clear heart and mind. Imagine what it would be like if you were Faris. After that, then you make the best decision you think of all of us" I said, closing the meeting tonight.

Everyone agreed to end the meeting tonight. It's not good to keep arguing. It is better to contemplate everything alone in order to think clearly and be able to make the best decision.

I finally slept restlessly tonight. Mas Dudy's warm embrace couldn't bring me into a good dream. There is jealousy and compassion in my heart. I want to be sincere without jealousy. But it feels too hard. I have to admit that I'm just a human being...