The Decapitation of Wounds
Chapter 23

"I'm so ashamed of you, Ani," said Mas Judy as we were both in the room.

"Thy? Why?" soft ask.

"Because I hurt you. I made you cry. Really I'm really sorry..," said Mas Dudy sniffled.

I held her hand warmly. I gave my sweetest smile until Mas Dudy stopped. He looked at me with his wet eyes. And I lovingly wiped those tears with my fingers. I caress him.

" That's it, Mom, don't cry anymore. You don't have to be ashamed of me. I'm not angry, let alone vengeful. I've forgotten everything."

"You are good. Even too good. After everything I've done to you, you still want to take care of me. Thank you for all your kindness, Ani. Without you by my side, I would have been even more devastated. I can barely accept this reality. But your presence gives me the strength to accept everything."

Hearing that my smile expands. I'm glad I can still mean something to him. At least she knows how much love I have for her.

"I'm glad you still need me" I said happily.

"I'll always need you."

I kissed her forehead with a baby. Then I looked at his face. "Then I will always be here for you" I whispered in his ear.

Dudy nodded slowly. Her tears were flowing again. "No, go, Ani. Go leave me, "he said hoarsely.

I stumbled at him. His words were so surprising. He said he needed me. But now he's asking me to leave him.

"Mas Dudy kicked me out?" I just can't believe it.

"Yes, Ani, leave me alone."

"But why?"

Isak Mas Dudy is getting louder. He seemed to suffer so much. "Look at me, Ani. Look at my situation. What can you expect from a man like me? I can't give you a future. I will be a burden to you. Go leave me. Start a new life without me. I'd be willing to let you go..."

Two tears rolling down my cheek. I couldn't help but cry when I heard those words. To me that request was something very heartbreaking. And I know he said it with a sore heart. There's no way he wants me to leave. His heart must have wanted me to stay by his side.

"Don't you ask me to leave you, mas. Because I can't be away from you. I want to stay here to accompany you, to take care of you, to accompany you in this life ordeal. I'm not gonna leave you alone."

"But you don't have to sacrifice any more for me, Ani."

"This is not a sacrifice. It is an expression of love and genuine affection from a wife to her husband. Until now I'm still your wife, mas. Let me do my duty as a wife. Not a single drop of my love for you has changed. I will always love you for who you are."

"No, don't love me." Mas Dudy is getting sad.

"Loving you is a beautiful thing to me."

"But I'm paralyzed."

I'm silent. I looked at Mas Dudy who was sobbing with a look of affection. My husband is paralyzed now. She was weak like a helpless baby. Maybe there's nothing more I can expect from him. Maybe I should just leave him. But the feeling of love makes me want to stay here.

"Allow me to remain faithful" I said lovingly.

"You're wasting your life. Why you spend your life with me here. Out there you can achieve happiness with other men."

"Other men?"

"Oscars. He must be waiting for you right now."

I shook my head slowly. "Never happened between me and Oscar" I said.

"You love him, don't you?"

"No, mas. Ilove you. I have to tell you that."

"He deserves you more, Ani."

"He's my friend. Oscar's nothing more than a friend to me."

"But that night..."

"On that night Oscar just wanted to strengthen my heart because at that time I was really upset, mas. Resa was sick and you were somewhere. No more than that. Do you still think that I'm cheating on you with her?"

"No, I believe you're loyal. But I also believe that he loves you."

"It's his right to love anyone."

"Love him, please. He can make you happy. It's not too late to start a new life with her."

"Don't you love me anymore, mom?"

"It is precisely because I love you so much that I ask you to leave. It would be too selfish if I asked you to stay here. You're young, honey. Your life path is long. Go awayl... Leave me."

I had not had time to answer Mas Dudy's request, Ika suddenly appeared from behind the front door of the face that looked riled up. He looked at me sharply for a moment. Then he stepped to the other side of the bed. It seems like he wants to stay away from me.

"I don't understand what you mean, Ika," Mas Dudy replied confusedly.

"Why did I tell Ani to leave? If Ani leaves, then I'll go too!" Ika said without further ado.

"Well!" hardikku fast. "It's too much for you to talk like that. Dudy is sick. Don't you burden Mas Judy's thoughts with your childish behavior!"

"I heard your conversation with Mas Dudy just now. You think you're the only one who deserves happiness? You think you're the only one who wants a future? I am entitled too and I want to! I can't believe you turned out to be so cunning, Ani. All this time you pretended to be nice to Mas Judy because you wanted Mas Dudy to put his pity on you and tell you to leave. What a perfect plan!"

I was really upset to hear Ika's words. I don't know what demon possessed him until he became this heartless human. He made crazy accusations like that to me. It really makes my ears hot.

"Please accuse me as you please, Ika. I don't care anymore. I'm tired of acting like that kid. You're mean! Your heart's rotten!"

"Oh yeah? What about what you did with that man? Your betrayal is what's rotten!"

I feel my blood burning hot in my heart. If only I hadn't kept up with Mas Dudy's feelings, I would have. I don't deserve to be given a heart anymore. The more days his attitude gets more outrageous. Even now she is no longer keeping the feelings of Mas Dudy, her husband, who is being rolled weak helpless.

"Don't you listen to her words, Ani. He said all that just to hurt you" Mas Judy told me.

Ika turned her head around to Mas Dudy. "Why did you defend him? Did you forget about his actions? That traitorous woman does not deserve to be defended!" said angry.

"This is not a traitor. I am the one who deserves to be called a traitor. And you, as a person who has betrayed your own best friend, should be ashamed to talk like that. You should be ashamed of yourself, especially Ani," replied Mas Dudy.

Ika's face stiffened after hearing those spicy words from Mas Judy. I'm sure that he never expected to hear such words from Mas Dudy's mouth. I think he'll explode soon. His face was now flushed like a boiled crab.

"Don't defend her in front of me!" pekik Ika was angry. "You can never be fair. After all I am your rightful wife, just like her. But why do you only think about her happiness? Think about my fate, Mas. You gave Ani a choice, but not me. Why is it only Ani you asked to leave? You think he'll stay with you after you let him go? Don't be stupid, Mas Dudy. You're too naive to think that. Try to think, what's the reason he prefers you over the man he's cheating on? Love or pity?"

"Here, enough, Ika! Your speech is painful. If you want to go, fine, I'll let you go! I'm sorry I married you. You're a really bad-hearted woman. Go you! Go!" yelled Mas Dudy loudly.

Ika immediately rushed out. He almost collided with Mr. Iskandar who ran in because he heard Mas Dudy's scream just now. Behind him, Bu Iskandar was struggling to come.

Dudy was crying. He looks very sad. Both of his eyes were staring at me. I was like looking at a wound through that look, so I felt like crying with her.

"What's up, Ani?" asked Mr. Iskandar confused.

"Why are you yelling, Dudy?" ask his wife.

"That's really outrageous, ma'am," she cried at my mother-in-law. "If she wants a divorce, she should talk to me. But don't insult me like that. I am no longer the old Dudy. Now I am just a living corpse. I'm not useful at all. For the rest of my life, I will be a burden. There is no reason to stay loyal to me. I'm just trash, ma'am."

"Mas, don't talk like that" I said.

"What did Ika say to Dudy, An?" ask Mr. Iskandar.

"You want to go, sir," I replied.

"Oh," said Mr. Iskandar slowly. He looks surprised.

"Let him go. I would gladly divorce her," said Mas Judy emotionally.

"Well, she's not a good girl. Now you can see what kind of woman she is. Never mind, just let him go as he pleases. Don't burden your mind with all that behavior. Your recovery is the most important thing now" said Mr. Iskandar in a calm manner.

"But I can't be cured anymore, sir. Maybe I should just die so as not to be a burden to all of you" said Mas Dudy hoarsely.

"Dudy!" bentak Mr. Iskandar.

Ms. Iskandar hugged Mas Judy while crying. I can understand how my mother-in-law is feeling right now. As a mother who has given birth and raised, of course her heart is broken to see the current state of Mas Dudy. His once handsome and dashing son, now rolled weakly helpless like a baby.

"Remember god, mas. Please don't ever give up. You are not alone in facing this ordeal. I'll always be by your side" I said gently, trying to calm Mas Dudy down.

With eyes that were no longer as fresh as before Mas Dudy looked at me. "You've really forgiven me, Ani?" tanyanya.

"Yes" I replied for sure.

Dudy closed her eyes and went back to crying.

***

Three days after the incident, Ika disappeared. He went somewhere. There is no word as a farewell. It seems Ika is no longer looking at Mas Dudy as a husband that she should respect. The marriage rope that he had lived with Mas Dudy all this time was apparently unable to bind his heart. She left with light steps leaving her ailing husband.

I don't know what to say. I really didn't expect Ika to do something like that. And for the sake of keeping Mas Dudy feeling, none of us talked about Ika anymore.

But it turns out that Ika's actions incised a deep wound in the soul of Mas Dudy. He always daydreams, no longer wants to talk. Maybe he was sorry or grudging. I don't know, I don't know what's raging in his heart right now.

"How much does his tooth hurt, huh? How come you wanna talk? It must be because most eat candy." Ayala said when that afternoon I asked to come to see Mas Dudy.

Hearing that, Mas Dudy smiled. "Papa just miss Ayala again," said Mas Dudy slowly. For the first time since Ika's departure, I heard Mas Dudy's voice again.

"If you are silent? Kiss dong," said Ayala again as she thrust her cheek into Mas Dudy's lips. Dudy immediately kissed him and laughed cheerfully. Missing has been the silence of Mas Dudy for one week. Ayala's presence was like a panacea to him.

In the following days things went on as usual. Mas Dudy still remained weakly rolled on his bed. And I still remain preoccupied by my duties as a housewife and also by my business which is now starting to develop. I even have a few employees to help me. There is no free time for me. Time feels so heavy and so meaningful. Fatiguing. But I am happy to give my best to the people I love