Qalbies
Part 4's

Love does not blind you,

you made that love blind.

***

Qalbie closed his diary.

It's been a few days that Miftah saw his best friend look not excited. He often found the girl daydreaming. Sometimes he looks around for something, and when he finds Rian, the girl will keep looking at him without blinking.

Often also Rian returned his gaze for a moment. But never spoke.

If the girl did not find Rian, she would usually sit in the park near the entrance, waiting for the skinny guy.

Qalbie begins to believe that feelings are not lust, but love.

If observed at a glance, it seemed like the feeling had weakened his heart. He began to lose and followed the flow of his feelings.

Yep. His heart was always humming singing longing songs. Even his life feels empty if he doesn't see Rian in a day. And even he only felt alive every time he saw the man.

Qalbie has lost control of her feelings. Instead, the feeling had controlled him.

As usual, he waited for Rian in the park after the Dzuhur prayer while searching for lecture material as an additional reference. Already in December, it means that only a few weeks of final semester exams will be held.

Quietly Qalbie looked at Rian's facebook profile and took his mobile number. Of course he did this without Miftah's knowledge. Because the girl was sure that her best friend wouldn't stop babbling until she found out.

Qalbie was tired of harboring his feelings. But as a Muslim girl who still holds the Eastern custom, expressing love is so taboo that she has no choice but to keep that feeling to herself.

At night, the girl could not think clearly. He sent a short message to Rian.

The girl had lost, she decided to send a message without thinking of anything else.

I Love You

#Prohibited Protests

Qalbie was relieved and happy. His heart was uncertain imagining Rian's reaction. She kept wondering, would the man reply to her or even ignore her?

Time shows at 01.20 Wita. He had waited for more than four hours but Rian did not answer the message at all.

Qalbie's disappointed. He wanted to cry but he tried hard to hold it.

In the morning the girl woke up late because she had just fallen asleep after performing the dawn prayer.

He who is usually diligent in cleaning himself seems to be lazing on the mattress.

“Today is Sunday. What should we do, Miftah?”

“Today there was a seminar at the hotel, you bought the ticket, right?”

“Oh, yes, yes. I forgot.”

“Everything Qalbie, don't just think of Brother Rian as if in your world there is only him. Shower immediately! It's nine o'clock, ten o'clock the seminar will start.”

“I'm not coming.”

“Why?”

“Malas.” reply Qalbie relax.

Miftah's eyes glared with an annoyed expression. Seeing that Qalbie smiled then said, “Iya deh, yes, I'm coming. Joking. Okay?”

***

Qalbie threw his body on the bed at the seminar. The bag he was carrying, was thrown away. Miftah can't do anything seeing her best friend like that.

Ever since Qalbie fell in love with Rian, his attitude slowly began to change.

If at first the girl's eyes always sparkle, then now, her eyes are always foggy.

Apparently Qalbie has sunk into an unrequited longing. A very deep longing.

The girl covered her face with a pillow. Trying to close your eyes.

But his phone rang an incoming message sign. He tried to reach her lazily.

Qalbie suddenly sat down while reading the message. His heart rate's rising.

Who, huh? Ask Rian in a short message.

I am a woman whose heart has been paralyzed by you. Qalbie replied excessively, but those were the words that first came to his mind and he immediately typed without thinking anymore.

I mean, what's your name? It seems like Rian is getting curious.

Qalbie typed again: would there be anything different if you knew who I was?

It's probable.  Reply Rian cuek.

Qalbie typed his message feelingly. Will you return this feeling if you know who I am?

Might as well. Rian's answer made Qalbie somewhat arrogant.

If not, how?

So tell me what your name is, how can I love you while I don't know my name? Rian's tone of message began to get upset.

I can't. I'm afraid I'll be hoping for you. Answer Qalbie.

Yeah, already. Whatever you!

From that sentence, it seemed like Rian was upset. There was regret in Qalbie's heart. But his guts were not big enough to tell him his name.

The girl deliberately used the word ‘aku-you’ so that Rian did not think that the message came from someone younger than her.

According to Qalbie, in that way, Rian would think that the message came from someone of his age.

Qalbie was unable to close his eyes until late at night, constantly smiling expressing unstoppable happiness.

Rian's face became clearer.

Once again, Qalbie couldn't help himself.

Miss you.

#Prohibited Protests

Finally, Qalbie decided that it was the sentence he had to send. Shortly after, his phone rang.

Banned. Those words made Qalbie laugh.

The cold-hearted monster! The impact in the heart.

Ii'm sorry. Qalbie Reply.

Soon, his phone rings again. Qalbie opened the message swiftly.

How disappointed that girl was.

“Hufth!” his weakness.

The girl threw herself on the bed.

The message was from an unknown number. Offers togel leak information. Yep. Lately such messages are rife.

Soon Qalbie's phone rang again. Apparently this time the message was indeed from the person he had expected. They exchanged messages several times.

Rian: In this world there are many men. Why did you choose me?

Qalbie: If you ask me why, I don't know exactly. To this day, I am still looking for answers. Of the many men, I never know why the man who made me fall in love should be you. But, does it matter?

Rian: What do you like about me?

Qalbie: Everything.

Rian: What do you want from me?

Qalbie: None.

Rian: None, or don't know? If there isn't, why are you bothering me? Just so you know, I already have a boyfriend.

Qalbie: I don't care.

Rian: Didn't you think about how she would feel if she read your text?

Qalbie: Then why? Why should I think about her feelings? He already has you, isn't that enough? Do I have to stop loving you to make her happier? Why would I do that? Why should I care about his feelings? If he's in my position, he's not necessarily going to leave you, so why should I care?

Rian: You are selfish and childish!

Such is. The night ended with a small quarrel between them.

The fact that Rian has a lover makes Qalbie's heart hot. He felt sad and unaccepting. Even in his heart there was hatred for the girl who had possessed Rian's heart.

For a while, he tried to forget about Rian. But instead of forgetting, Rian's shadow became clearer.

Slowly, Qalbie begins to hate herself and her feelings of love for Rian. As a result, the girl became more emotional.

***

Tomorrow is the end of the semester exam. Qalbie tried to review his college eyes. But this time the sheets of paper he read felt more like sleeping pills.

The girl had only read for five minutes but her eyes had already felt very heavy, plus Rian's shadow was becoming more and more real in her view.

Not a single lecture could be stored in his head.

Qalbie ride pitam.

The throwing of the papers, his mind was in a mess. He tried to vent his anger which he could not resist by burrowing his head under the pillow and then shouting.

Miftah hurriedly sat down near Qalbie who was lying down covering her head with a bolster pillow. “Qalbie .. master yourself. The Qalbie I know is an ayu girl who is always able to be patient. He never gets angry even when people are rude to him. You know, the Qalbie I know is just an ordinary human being, he also has many flaws like most people. But the Qalbie I know also has one advantage, she is a tough girl. Wake up Qalbie, let's just say you're dreaming.”

Miftah's advice made Qalbie unable to hold back her tears.

He hugged Miftah. “To be honest I'm ashamed. I am ashamed of you, I am ashamed of myself.”

Miftah stroking her best friend's hair lovingly, “Speak, Qalbie.”

“Love has blinded me Miftah, I'm blind so I can't see anything but my feelings. I'm like a shameless woman begging for love. Love does not strengthen me, it weakens me. I hate this feeling. Why should I love him? Why would God bring me and Rian together? Why, Miftah?”

“Istighfar Qalbie .. It's not wrong if you love her. It is not wrong if God meets you and brother Rian. Do you not know that God knows better what is best for you? Love is not wrong, Qalbie. Love does not blind you, but you make love blind.

“Love is just a feeling, Qalbie. Your love is like a train that is speeding into the heart of Brother Rian, you must try to keep the train on a path that will not harm you or brother Rian.

“Love does not weaken, but strengthen. Because of love, hope that has died can come to life again.”

Miftah let go of her embrace and lifted Qalbie's face. The girl's eyes looked wet. “Qalbie, you are like this, because until this moment you still do not sincerely accept that feeling. I also apologize for asking you to fight your love.

“I realize that love should not be resisted. Simply live it sincerely, then love will strengthen you. Maybe God deliberately brought you and brother Rian so that you can know what love is, as well as a lesson so that you can become a stronger Muslimah.

“Remember Qalbie, the real war is the war against self. The hardest opponent you can beat is yourself. You are full of lust and ego. Don't lose Qalbie, don't drown in your lust and ego. Love does not teach man to have, but love always teaches man to share.

“Conscious Qalbie, realize that God is testing you. When you already have someone you love, will you still miss Robbi who created you and your loved ones? I haven't heard your wudhumu splash in the last third of the night. Remember Qalbie, the best place to complain is only to Allah.”

Miftah hugged her best friend.

Indeed, long enough, Qalbie had not immersed himself in the worship of his tahajud. He misses Rian more than Dzat who created Rian.

His longing chants to the man did not make him feel homesick for Robbi as the best place to complain to him.[]