Hijrah Stories
Episode 3

Sometimes it stuck in my mind to do the prayer on time but because the increasingly crowded activities in school made me do the prayer not on time. Not only at school at home I also always do prayers, I who used to be lazy to go to teach even I who used to often make excuses so as not to be told to go to the mosque to teach is now being diligent to come to the mosque and teach, this derastic change to\-to make ustad who teaches teaching confused to see me.

I who have been diligent in praying but have not been able to change my behavior and attitude like men\man, not only I feel so the same as men\the men around me also feel the same way, especially me who does not like to dress up and dress like most women, especially,

Some of my close friends at SMK used hijab and closed the aurat very well according to Islamic law to see them make me want to like them, after school I went straight into my room and tried to wear the hijab but looking at myself in the mirror of my little heart said I was not fit to wear the hijab because I was still a sinful age.

I who belom can wear the hijab and close the aurat because I think the belly is worthy enough to do that because my behavior is still belom can I fox and I who feel more suitable if my long hair was unraveling because I had beautiful hair, not only did I feel that the long hair I had was beautiful but the people around me also said so.

At school I was wearing a hijab because I was told by my mother, I felt if my mother didn't tell me to wear a hijab at school maybe I wasn't wearing a hijab, at home I also do not wear hijab even when out of the house either near or far I do not wear hijab.

My friend once asked me when class hours were empty because the teacher had a meeting.

Cika: may you not want to wear a hijab and close the aurat ?

Ayu: yes, I want it but later I think now I am not ready,

Cika: but when? Closing the aurat is mandatory

Cika who heard my answer immediately fell silent while shaking her head, I am one of the people who is very difficult to advise I will not do something that I do not want.

One day I went with my sister for shopping just as I usually go not cursing the hijab but I went by letting my long hair unravel, even today I experienced an event that I had never experienced on that day I felt strange for the first time I felt all women wearing hijab only I myself did not wear hijab as if everyone I met that day was looking at me with a strange look I knew absolutely nothing at that moment I felt I was ostracized because I was not wearing a hijab, without buying anything I immediately asked my sister to take me home, after reaching home I immediately entered the room without saying a word I who was still confused by the incident I experienced did not leave the room for hours, in the room I just sit and think about the strange events that I experienced my mother who was surprised to see me coming home with groceries and immediately entered the room to say anything then entered my room and asked about my condition what seemed strange when I came home, I who did not know how to tell the strange events that I experienced immediately said that I did not papa I was just exhausted.

Since that incident, I who usually do not wear a hijab when going shopping and going far now become wearing a hijab. But I can not yet wear hijab when at home I only wear hijab when go-away.

The exam for class XI has arrived, in SMK there is a PKL (field work) in our school PKL held for 3 months when students are in class XI, I who have ascended the XI class did the PKL, at that time my friends and I made a letter submission of the PKL place that we wanted to the Head of School and Head of Department after the letter we submitted was received we immediately delivered the third letter to the Computer Reparation Place what we want is for us to be able to run PKLs in that place, after several times of training, all students of class XI who have been divided into several groups with different places began to be delivered to PKL places that have been selected by each group.

Me and my three friends chose the PKL place quite far and did not allow us to go home, we also decided to find a boarding place for us to stay for three months, after about 1 hour we finally found a boarding place and alhamdulilah who snekos in that place people are friendly and kind to us, I'm often called a spoiled child who never lives away from parents even for a moment and never do anything at all by myself during the boarding I began to learn to do everything myself but the one thing that until now I couldn't do was cook my own food I couldn't cook at all every time I cooked a certain meal that I was cooking.

If the hostel who cooks the food is my friend, we entered the computer repair place at 09.00-05.00 wib so if we are late to wake up and do not have time to cook we prefer to buy cooked vegetables at the restaurant near our place PKL.

Because I was never far from my parents, I often cried because I missed the atmosphere of home and parents, he said, seeing me cry my friends who were strong and did not cry also cry because they felt the same as me, yes it is undeniable that I made them weak, he said, I'm not as strong as them in terms of holding back longs.

As long as my PKL never calls my parents, I call my mom if anything matters, not because I was arrogant or disobedient but if I called not yet had time to say anything just to hear my mother's voice I immediately cried sobbing until I could not speak, I didn't want to make them worry so I preferred to let go of my longing by crying.