Heart Stethoscope
Twenty Three

There are always moments where I realize that in every beauty there will be a delusion that always remains. Too hopeful, when in reality everything is pseudo. Mirage.

It was a night that a while ago saw how I enjoyed it, and now I hate tonight.

Still with me who was fixated, logic seemed to rebel if what I heard earlier was just a dream boast. But that soft whisper in the ear was so real. My ears cannot hear wrong.

We were silent for a long time. He who looks restless while I withstand the tightness that squeezes. God, I was wrong for believing so easily. There is no one perfect one hundred percent.

"Ma..."

"Who is Raina?" I cut his words.

He rubbed his face, moving his hands up to the top of his head. Then grab her hair. His eyes were aiming at me who was still fixated, then he exhaled his coarse breath. Quiescent. Fall silent again. It was as if something related to Raina was obligatory to cover up.

I looked the other way. In addition to her direction.

"He's my past." There's a pause. Before his words broke his heart. "She's the woman I almost married."

I consider myself to be an adult, it turns out that even with this little thing I can still be lied to. And all this time he lied to me. He always said, Raina's mom was his friend. I believe just like that because I see the familiarity between them, especially doctor Galih is very close to his son, Raina said.

I forced a smile amid the disappointment that struck my heart. Disappointed with yourself who are so easily consumed sweet sentences but contain artificial sweeteners that are not good for health.

So, all this time, who did he think I was?

I looked towards him again. "Oh, the woman who made the doctor change? Quickly. It looks like a good one, Doc?" ask me in a satirical tone.

He's mumbling. His hand tried to grab my finger, but I quickly hid it behind my back. "Give me one chance to explain. Na, please... " He begged.

But I think everything is clear. He kissed me but mentioned another woman's name, surely he saw my face like Raina's. Right no? What is the term that suits me? The vandalism?

Trying my hardest not to cry amid the disappointment that increasingly pierced as the mind continues to rotate events after events that I missed with him. I'm disappointed? Yes, because I was too hopeful. Wishing he was real, yet it seemed like he would still be a mirage.

"So the doctor thinks all this is what? Why did the Doctor come all the way here if it turns out the Doctor's heart is still attached to other women?"

"Na, my intentions are serious."

"I don't believe it" I said. "It should be before the Doctor comes here, the Doctor first fix the Doctor's heart. The doctor has no feelings!"

I came straight out of the rickshaw. Run as fast as possible to avoid it.

Ate. Eating a pedicab on strike. If you need to take it back to Jakarta.

Don't cry, Na. Don't cry. Since the beginning, he was always joking. Which might now turn out to be that serious.

But this is more painful than when Mas Bayu broke off our relationship. I've put my trust in him, I've accepted it to get into my life. In reality, I was just a shadow of another woman.

With the help of an online taxi service, I got home. In front of my parents, I had to play a role. Assume everything is okay.

Okay, Nana. Show that you are a real student of Indonesian literature.

"Assynoltom..." I opened the door of the house. The living room is empty. Dad and Mom usually like to watch television.

"Vaalaikumsalam. You're home, Na?"

I just nodded while kissing Mom and Dad's hands.

"Where is Galih?" ask Dad.

"Home home" I replied. "Nana to the room first."

My feet stepped wide into the room. Now, it's better to avoid it than Dad and Mom are suspicious.

Trying to calm the mind by sleeping. Who knows, my brain can be compromised. Damn not at all. The moment of the kiss, the moment when she whispered the name of another woman, really wandered in the mind.

I came to my room without knocking. I immediately pulled the blanket and turned sideways. My face is in a mess, I can't tell.

"Sir, you have a problem with Galih?" Mom's sitting on the edge of my bed. His hand gently rubbed my back that was behind him.

In response, I just shook my head slowly.

"Doctor Galih is waiting for you below. He said he was just looking for your problems earlier," said Mother softly.

"Nana's sleepy, Mom."

I hope you understand the situation I'm in that I don't want to see him.

"Na, even though I don't know what your problem is, just solve it well. Although the heart is tight, but if it has been issued later it is also relieved. Talk to Nak Galih with a cool head, don't use emotions."

It wants to be so. But... Ah already. It seems that my decision to accept him was too rash. Maybe I better just stop.

"Mom, I'm sorry, Nana's not talking about him anymore. Tell him to go, if necessary, to Jakarta. Nana's leaving alone on Saturday night."

"Don't do it, Nduk. Son Galih has come all the way here in your time like this?"

If I could have told Mom the story, then my answer to Mom's question was; she was evil, too, Mom. He made this mother's favorite child a pseudo-shadow of other women that he could not forget. Even when he was carelessly stealing this Mother's first kiss child, he was still thinking of another woman.

Wiping away the tears that were again dripping. I tightened my embrace on Guling. "Mom, Nana please, tell him to leave. Nana's going to sleep."

I heard Mom exhaling. His hands still faithfully rubbed my back. "Yes, you sleep. But do not let the problem drag on. If you feel better, talk to Galih."

I just nodded my head. When am I ready to hear all the stories? Or better never hear it.

Because the worst part of love is the heartache of a falsehood.

*****

Swollen eyes. Very very swollen. Sleep did not make me better. This morning swollen eyes and dizzy head greeted me. I sat daydreaming at the dresser. Too lazy to do anything. Heartbreak as bad as this turned out.

"Lho, you haven't had a bath?" ask the mother who just came into the room. Mom was standing behind me. Watching my reflection from the mirror. "A lot of swelling in your eyes?"

I just kept quiet.

"Mandi gih, hold breakfast later. Are the items that you want to bring to Jakarta ready? Departure to Jakartanya at nine, right?"

I turned to face Mom. Change my expression to be more clear. "Mom, can't you if Nana doesn't go with doctor Galih? Nana can go alone. It will be late at night until Jakarta Sunday morning."

"Udah, now you take a shower."

I had to obey Mom's wishes. Departing to Jakarta is not the best solution when the heart is still tossed like this. But whatever the power, my parents already believed him.

Join Mom and Dad who have already had breakfast. I sat down and drank water until I finished one glass. My throat since waking up was very dry, the cold immediately grabbed the entire body when drinking water. But still can not cool the temperature of a hot heart.

"You know where Galih is, Na?"

This half, should the discussion be about him? Add no appetite.

"Beginning at the park, his acquaintance at the hospital," I replied lazily.

"I think he's good. It's smart you choose a partner," said Dad. I was stupid for choosing him.

"He's also a gentleman. Come straight here to bed you."

If you knew the truth, would you still be able to praise the man? Seeing the twinkle in Dad's eyes, and his passionate emotions when talking about Galih's doctor, made me even more confused.

There was an intention in my heart to cancel all the wedding plans. But it seems like both my parents liked it. See, he's very good at taking my parents' hearts.

"Oh, what time did he pick you up?"

"Don't know, nine o'clock maybe." Since last night I deactivated the phone to avoid it. Being overconfident was easy, but I wasn't sure if she called me.

"Nana is cleaning up first. I think there's a forgetfulness that hasn't been put in the bag."

I stood up, greeted with a frown on the foreheads of my parents.

"Wish are you just a little?" exclaimed Dad when I stepped out of the dining room.

"Not hungry, Dad," I replied. Too full to eat heart.

At exactly nine o'clock, the man picked me up on Grab-Car. I covered my face using a mask, and framed my eyes with clear glasses to disguise the puffiness in my eyes.

"Nana's leaving first, Mom, Dad." I hugged Mom and Dad in turn. Every time I split up, I cry. Even with Mom. While Dad always looks tough.

"Remember all of Mom's messages with Dad, Nduk. Salatnya guarded, do not be lazy." Mom rubbed my head.

Don't wanna go. Not to split with them.

"Yes, Mom."

"Son Galih, put your son?"

I saw him smile while nodding his head. He kissed my parents' hands.

Without him, I can still take care of myself. Before I knew him, I was used to living alone.

"I'm saying goodbye, Mom, sir."

"Yes, careful. Nana, if you've arrived, don't forget to tell you," said Dad in an anxious tone.

I put my thumbs up to Dad, then got into the car first.

I sat in the right corner, placing my backpack in the middle to keep my distance from her. Then put the headset and set the MP3 with the loudest volume.

As the car drove by, I chose to look at the road from behind the windshield. Looks like for the next nine hours, I'll fast talk.

"Sin'ana?"

I gasped as he took off the headset on my left ear. When he was about to put it up again, he blocked my arm.

"When do you want to avoid me?"

I didn't answer. Put his hands away, and put the headset back on. But again he called my headset.

"Until Jakarta I will explain everything."

"No need to bother," I answered flatly while putting the headset back on.

It's been. After that he no longer spoke until we reached the station.

Ah my misfortune continues. I had to sit with him on the train. I stroked his steps so that he could sit by the window, while he relented and let me sit first.

Want to feel comfortable and relaxed until Jakarta, it never seems to be able. For a minute I sat down, my head was pulled slowly. Until facing him. Fortunately, my eyes were covered with glasses until I did not see him.

"Na, one chance just let me explain everything."

I lowered my hand from my cheek, and lowered the mask that covered my lips. "Doctors sure you want a story here?"

"To complete my story in Jakarta," he said.

My lips are putting on a slanted smile. Unplugging one headset that blocked my hearing.

"Na, I want to be serious with you. I swear it."

"Don't swear, Doc. Doctor's heart still belongs to Raina's mother, right? While the Doctor has managed to make my heart owned by the Doctor. Is it funny, Doc? It's so simple to break my heart."

Jakunnya up and down. But his gaze was so intensely aiming at me. While his lips still tightly closed.

"Already, Doc. I need some time. Even with the Doctor. In Jakarta, don't see me first. If necessary do not meet me until the wedding date that has been discussed with Dad yesterday," I said with emphasis. Sliced heart. It seems to be completely unformed anymore.

She shook her head. "Can't do that, Na. I know what I did last night hurt you. But please, don't keep your distance from me."

We spoke at a very close distance. Only one inch of his face in front of me.

"We need some distance, Doc. I just want my feelings to be appreciated. Not only appreciated by Doctor's eyes, but also by Galih's heart," I concluded before turning my eyes out the window again, putting back the mask and headset.

She is like water, I can touch her but I can't hold her tight.

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