Wasurenagus
Part 02's

I stretched out my left hand and touched the inscription of the elegantly engraved, golden name. “Finally I can actually see you now. You know, it's been a long time I've been waiting for these moments.”.

My left hand is shaking. Why is it like this? I just touched his name. I pulled my hand back.

“Happy birthday, Haru-san. May your life be long. Ah, wrong. You won't get any older ‘ will you? Stopped at the age of 24 years..” I smile bitterly. “... stupid me.”

It's so weird that I'm. Saying happy birthday to someone who has died in front of a tomb like this.

“This is a gift for you.” I took out a gift box containing my own homemade chocolate cake from inside my handbag. I made it yesterday afternoon after school.

On the altar of the tomb there is a cup of copper ketchup containing incense, then on the right there are some withered bouquets. It seems like many are making pilgrimages to this tomb. It was no wonder because he was a very good person in life. I'm sure many people love him.

I knelt down and placed the bouquet of flowers onto the ground for a while. I swiped left with my right hand the things that were on top of the tomb so I could put my gift and flower bouquet.

Whatisthis? Why do I feel like I want to explode? Why do my eyes and cheeks feel so hot?

Tests..tests…

It wasn't rain, but tears that fell down my cheeks. I'm not strong anymore. I was determined not to cry.

I broke my promise. Haru-san probably hates me now. I am weak, I am stupid. I don't want him to see me like this. But this emotional overflow I can't stop.

“I'm sorry...I'm sorry..” Isakku. “. So let me be like this. Just for this time.”.

The movie-playing machine inside my brain started to turn the flashbacks of my life back to those memorable moments. We met in a community of Japanese lovers in cyberspace. There are many members in this community from all over the world. I join the conversation quite often. They were all kind and willing to teach me who was a beginner at the time, including Haru-san. He always fixed my wrong spelling.

At first we were just ordinary friends. There's nothing special. Over time we got closer. It turns out we have some things in common. We both love cats, chocolate, Kansai dialect and blue. Our relationship which was originally just an ordinary friend then rose to become a friend. I actually consider him more than a friend. My brother, I take it that way.

I never saw his face or met him in person, but somehow I trusted him so much. Every time I encounter learning difficulties or problems in my daily life, I always tell him. He patiently listened to my story and gave me advice. Truly a warm and nurturing older brother figure. Thanks to it I was able to face my tough days. He is like the sun created just for me.

I love him as much as I love my brother. Despite the distance and time apart, I felt that he was so close to me. Very close, even closer than my siblings and Alyssa. I never said this to anyone. I can't say it, especially to Alyssa. Could-could he burn flames of jealousy, hahaha…

Suddenly one day he said that to me when he called me. I was so surprised to hear that. Of course, who would not be surprised to hear such blatant and sudden statements?

It turned out that Haru-san had the same feeling as me.

My tongue cannot say anything. My heart's beating great. My cheeks are warming. Like everyone else in general who receives a declaration of love, I was really confused as to what to do. I am happy, and ashamed. Since when did my loving feelings for him as a brother turn into feelings of love? Even more surprising, it turns out that my feelings do not clap one hand.

But then I realized that we were bounded by an invisible wall. We can only connect through the virtual world. I guess if I had a more serious relationship with him, it wouldn't have lasted long. There have been many cases of long distance relationships that eventually have to end miserably. I don't want that kind of relationship. I don't want to hurt Haru-san or myself later. I finally refused it subtly. I regret it so much more when I hear his sigh. I think I disappointed him. But this is what's best for us. That's what I was thinking at the time.

“That time why did I reject you? I should have accepted you.” Isakku. I looked back at his name on the tombstone. Completely escaped. Both my eyes are covered in tears. I wiped it with the back of my right hand.

I took a tissue from my handbag and cleaned the snot from my nose. I'm sure I look really messed up and horrible right now. It was truly embarrassing to cry like this in front of him. Her body may have died, but I'm sure her soul is still alive. Haru-san's soul might be in front of me right now and seeing me this miserable one.

I took a few slow, deep breaths a few times until I felt better. It's time to pray for him. It's approaching night, I can't linger here. I grabbed a bouquet of flowers on the ground and placed them on top of the tomb. Don't forget I put my chocolate cake next to it. After that I cupped my hands together to form a prayer position, then closed my eyes.

Haru-san, I'm sorry I just found you. Today is your birthday ‘kan? May you always be happy there. Thank you for the love and affection you have given me. May God repay all your kindness. May God give you the best place by His side. Since I am already here, in the city where you were born, I will visit you often.

I opened both my eyes. Slowly I stood up. It would be a pity if I had to leave him. All right, this last touch will be the cover.

“Anu... sorry... could it be that you are Renata..?”.

Again I was surprised. Now who else? This time it was a female voice. I turned to the left and found a short-haired woman. A very beautiful woman.

“Ya, I am Renata.” I replied.

“I've expected.” The woman smiled. “Finally I met you.”

“Eh?”