Caterpillars & Leaves
Crumbed

You are recovering, you,

for all the wounds that refuse to turn.

You are shady, you,

for all my tumultuous life.

late at night I could not rest my soul.

"all right let's do what you want, I'm sincere, inshallah I can, 5 days right ?"

(take him )

" i can't caterpillar, now I can't and I don't"

(he said to me )

" why? isn't that what you want let's do I'm ready, god willing I can"

(my word to him confirms what he wants)

" i don't want it now, I can't. I can't see you suffering"

(asked me )

" all your words have made me suffer"

(my weirihku to him, sipping my chest)

I looked up at the night sky.hmmmm I complained in my heart, what I saw was the same as you. So heavy is my love for you so great is my love for you. You never realized that. (my mumbling in my heart)

I don't know what's on his mind right now I don't understand.

(All I think about is fear, fear of losing it)

"I never knew what love was, wrestling..... And I don't understand, what's your race to me like?"

(he said)

"Go home, let's take a break. It's late"

(take it to me)

"Later on, I'm gonna want to feel all this"

(it feels like I've been desperate with everything )

"I'm not going to sleep, and I'm going to wait for you to come home"

(he said to me )

it was late at night, stepping to where I should be.

I fell asleep and I don't know what I'm feeling it's all for nothing

My morning greets .....

until the day comes.

"What is love?"

(he asked me)

"Does love have a reason? And I myself can't give you the right answer"

"I think I'm feeling that for you"

(take it to me)

"What ? Love ?"

(my question is clear to him)

"Yes. Maybe it's like that"

(with his doubt he said so)

"After what you told me, you're in love?"

(i firmly assume he's making a game )

"But that's how I feel right now, I'm afraid of losing you"

(he said to me, trying to convince me)

"Please distinguish love and pity, I never expect anything at this time, I will not expect you to love me, but I beg you. Don't ever break my spirit, let me try even if it's all for nothing"

(live him )

"forgive me a caterpillar.sorry, forgive, forgive, forgive"

(that's what he said many times)

"i'm really afraid of losing you caterpillar, right now I love you that's what I think. Although my logic is resisting, but my heart is forcing"

(hopefully I understand )

Now all turned around, I used to passionately hope for him. And now I am tired, and he is trying.

Is this a joke called a taste??

I never knew how he was feeling right now. And I never understood how he could change just overnight??

Is this the game ??

What is he wanting ??

"You who are taking power over everything that is going on, playing your game"

(my word)

"I'm not playing a game, I'm your mother, and you're my Imam"

(his words made my position clear)

Your wound is a puspamala that continues to grow but refuses to be quoted.

I diligently learned to wash, wipe, spin, stalk, and care for him.

Then I understood, like a reaction as a breath that becomes part of life,

growing up is part of healing.

Even if you choose, it is not healing.

Through the wound, you become graceful in speech.

Seriate....