MARRY ME, USTADZ !
MARRY ME, USTADZ !

#POV noufal prambumi

Never once did my heart turn away from an aneukeu. Women are tough, independent and of course exciting. God's destiny cannot be controlled.

I have to accept the request of umi and abi to marry a woman named saima khumaira. Dream women umi and abi. But not with me.

So far. I am like a man without a soul. Directed by both parents. To live without daksa. If only aneukeu knew maybe he would be more tormented by the state of my soul like in hell and my body like in heaven.

Now, aneukeu has left me unexcused, that woman is too bold to step away. Leaving earth to achieve true success.

. . . If only I had known that meeting at the cafe was the last. Perhaps, I won't just shut up when you demand clarity.

I lost you and was unable to reach your existence. Even if I can really want to end the fake drama that I'm playing.

I can't hurt umi and abi. Not willing to degrade their normal. Because, actually I do not want to be with saima.

Said the man who was the perfect wife. Sholehah women prospective inhabitants of heaven. But I don't know why to me you are everything.

I continued to delay as hard as trying to buy time to marry her. If man does not know me as an ustadz protector of all men. I could have stepped as I pleased.

No matter what will happen. But, it's all just an illusion. In fact, I still pretended to be happy even though I was suffering.

You're right aneukeu. I was selfish. I was never me. Because, the demands of parents and the profession. Only with you can I show my personal authenticity.

This time. I feel frustrated. Meanwhile, the guilt towards you is getting more pronounced with the news that you leave a lot of love just to want to be with a man like me.

I'm kira. You are strong ! And able to treat the wounds I gave. Apparently, your move was beyond my expectations. You went very far and even seriously to leave me unable to give an answer to all hope.

-----####-----

Your departure is a blow to unrealized expectations. A few weeks ago I attended a boarding house reunion. There, I met with Sham. Shamsir Lubis has many stories about you.

I just found out that Syam ever wanted to propose to you. And the time that sham tells us exactly a year we were together. You reject Sham because you are not a virgin.

Syam. The reason he didn't propose to you wasn't because he wasn't a virgin. Because, sham is able to accept that reality. The biggest reason is that I know that you are waiting for me.

Your silence. Turns out, it was tough fighting for me. In fact, willing to leave someone you were so expecting back then. I feel like I'm becoming a stupid man. Wasting the earnestness that has plagued me for those 3 years.

"Now aneukeu is abroad right fal ?" Ask sham in the middle of the parasm.

"Don't know exactly. You see, my number is blocked, and so is my social media." Noufal

"Well, how can you ? "

"Don't know. Maybe, he doesn't want me to bother."

"Aneukeu is indeed a firm woman of standing and of course great." Proud to be shamed in front of the noufal who was still staring at the grim dishes.

"Now, look. Is his life getting better ?" Syam showed me a photo on his personal Instagram account.

Noufal looked at him in amazement. The woman he longed for looked sweet, where she was seen being in a cafe with someone. The photo is complete with a caption of a heart.

"You're still friends ? Do you like chatan ? Or a phone call ?" Ask noufal

"still. No. There is also. You want ?" Syam

"Can, here." Aneukeu's number is already stored in noufal's contact list.

There is hope to reconnect the long-empty sense. It was a year from that meeting. Noufal is already the fiancee of people. But, aneukeu is still single.

Though disappointed. Full of wounds, life must go on. Despite all the facts that do not match expectations.

----####------

After getting the number from Sham. As if I found a lost life, hesitant to begin. I want to say hello and share a story. But, is aneukeu still ?

"Ne." The beginning of the conversation without a greeting I sent in the middle of the night.

"Yes." The reply from that part of the world finally came.

"It's me noufal." My reply is polite

"Oh, noufal." Short reply

"Don't remember ?" Ask me fast

"still. What's up ?"

What's up ? Is that the answer from the woman who said she wanted me the most ? In the past, this woman would have met if I sent a message. I was happy when I started the conversation. But now it's like he's someone I just met. Where's the aneukeu I know ?

"How are you ?" Ask me again

"Well, you ?"

There was a sense of relief as he asked for news. Something I used to think of as lebay. But now it feels so much fun.

"I'm fine, neu, I miss." My story can't stand it

"Don't miss. You're already someone's fiancee, getting married soon. We weren't just friends before ? More precisely, bedmate ?"

Nyi . . . My heart is not wretched, it feels dagger drawn, pierced by a sword, stuck in an arrow. Crushed to the blood and then festering. How does aneukeu know that I'm already engaged ?

"Neu, forgive."

"Nothing to forgive. I should have realized. I really need it in bed. Not needed on a valid cobul ijab."

Again, my defense collapsed, my body was shed on the floor with a velvet carpet. A gripping night can embrace lost hope.

"Neu, do you hate me ?"

"Neu, how do you know I'm engaged ?"

"We are on a different land. But, we are still above the same heaven and earth."

"Did sham tell you ?"

"No. Your sister told me."

"Why ?"

"Don't blame your sister. Before I go abroad. I leave you to your sister. I'm not staying silent. I'm figuring out the reason you're hiding."

"Did my sister tell you everything ?"

"Yes. Everything was. Without exception. Oh, he's safe for a wedding that you're about to direct in a month."

"Neu, I . . ."

Suppose, Suppose, if time could be turned into massalu. I want to explain, to myself. That way aneukeu will give a chance.

It seems aneukeu has been able to forget. But I just felt the fear of losing. Everything's late. Aneukeu already knew from my own sister.

Neu . . . I don't know what my wedding trip will be like with the chosen women of umi and abi ?

----####--------

My marriage has been officiated. Very nice and lots of people came. They rejoice at their dream wedding. My smile was made as if I was happy. The woman beside me is very beautiful with a sundanese wedding dress.

Saima is beautiful. A sweet voice, coming from a family of clerics. A beloved youngest daughter of Kiyai. The owner of a famous boarding house in my town.

My whole family welcomed her with open arms. The dream daughter-in-law of all parents. Like it or not, I have to keep playing.

There is a sense of pride in the flattery of many people. But, the woman by my side is unable to replace the woman there. Although all the advantages are embedded in the figure that now holds my hand. Still there is something outside that aneukeu has that he does not have.

The woman who is now feeding me with a piece of cake has indeed become a winner. However, the champion is still a woman overseas.

Our bond has been valid in the eyes of law and religion in addition to strong evidence of marriage books. The woman who is shy about posing kisses me on the cheek does not know. If, then, my body and soul had been on the touch of another woman I could not forget.

I just kept imagining. Sleeping in bed with a woman I didn't expect, loving other women. I know this once myself ! I know religion, memorize all the hadiths, practices about marriage, the duty of the husband to the wife. Yet my heart still wept, my soul rebelled against the Sunnah of His apostle.

I often get angry with God. Who created the love. But, I can't finish it because it's blocked by the parents' blessing.

Not daring to oppose the wishes of my parents made me continue to hide the existence of aneukeu in my heart and life. Until finally I have to say ijab in the name of saima khumaira no longer aneukeu puspa after.

I'm not as brave as aneukeu. That leaves a lot of love just to wait for me to be ready. When I try to show the photo of aneukeu in front of Umi and abi. They immediately said something hurtful. If only, aneukeu knew he might be trampled on by his pride when my parents said "leave the woman. Umi and Abi already have a candidate for you".

What's wrong if I want aneukeu to be my wife ? Am I an ustadz ? Understand religion ? Do you think worship is obedient ? Thought the worshiper ? Though I am a sinner.

What's wrong with aneukeu ? Women career, higher education, independent, intelligent, and of course exciting. It's just that, it does not wear the hijab of the shar'i. At least aneukeu is also hijab and is able to put a position in every condition.

Aneukeu was from a broken home family, a poor family, a bad neighborhood, a wide association, his acquaintances everywhere. But, he could lift his dignity, glorify himself, solidify his life.

Even for some time. I don't feel confident to have aneukeu.

"A, is aneu tea still abroad ?" Ask my sister after the reception is over.

"Aneu, do you have any communication with him ?" I was surprised while whispering.

"It." My sister handed me her phone. I opened a chat from aneukeu93 account.

"De, tell me it's the same as a noufal. Good luck with your marriage. Forgive the sassy teteh still remember his figure. After waiting for the teteh, the relief was also happy. From now on we'll forget about it."

Turns out. Aneukeu still keeps remembering me. I guess, since I last chatted him. He has completely forgotten me.

"De, what else did you say ?" Ask me enthusiastically

"Read on a." Bargain my sister fast.

"Emang is relieved why ?" Ask my sister in continued chat.

"Tth relieved. The promise has gone. In the past, it always had a promise to wait a noufal nikahin teteh until anytime. But, if a noufal is not a mate. Teteh will wait a noufal marriage first."

"What is tea ?"

"Yes, it's not calm. If you have to marry first. Tetuh want mastiin if a noufal happy with his choice."

Is that how big you are, aneukeu ? Waiting for a man who accepts the situation just like that even to fight for his woman he can not afford.

Do you know aneukeu ?

It's not my choice it's all my parents' choice, it's not the life path I want, it's all my parents' wishes.

"A, aneu tea don't tell me that this marriage is from an arranged marriage ?" Ask my sister slowly.

"No de. I don't want aneu to feel the bitterness that I've been receiving." Answer me with a belt

"But this is a wrong. I should have talked about everything that happened with aneu tea so that it was not wrong in the presence of aneu tea."

"No. Let aneu hate aa. Aa doesn't want aneu to know that umi and abi don't want her to be a daughter-in-law."

"Yes already. It's up to you." Answer my sister while getting out of the chair.

Tonight I want to get away from all the obligations I don't want.

I need aneukeu, the other side of me is excited to pounce on all falsehoods.

Let the night pass without warmth. I decided to leave the contest, moving on from the side of the woman who was now lying with the laughing lingerie.