The Black Valley Becomes the Empress
The Part 19
The atmosphere still enveloped our residence. Although the activity at home is more crowded. There are some neighbors who always help us prepare tahlil father. We had no other family, so only the neighbors helped us. Silvana and I were in charge of packing the food that would be given to the mourners we invited to pray for the father. My mom helped me cook in the kitchen. Yes indeed in my hometown, there is this kind of event. valid for up to 7 days after death on the 40th day and the 100th day later every year on the same date and month when he died there is a joint prayer event again. Silvana was very busy with her duties. Her tears had already started to dry even though sometimes in the middle of the night, she was crying by herself. But I know he has not been able to let go of his sadness at the father's residence. So did I. My crying was not like the beginning when my father died, but I was still always crying. Tears are still flowing. The pain and sorrow still shackled every inch of my heart. It may even hurt more than people see. Failing to be a child is the most painful reason for me. I haven't been able to give my father any halal money, that's what has always kept me from stopping my crying.
"Teh, tomorrow eteh home?" ask Fadly whose presence I'm not aware of. I glanced at him as soon as he asked, and then I resumed my activities. No intention of answering Fadly's question. My heart is still too broken, a part of my lost soul I have not regained. I struggled with my own mind. Between refusing to go and the responsibility to live.
My mind floated away at a small incident 10 years ago. More precisely 3 years when mom left us. I was 11 years old then. I approached the father who was lying weakly on the bed. You're sick, the temperature is hot. I can't take my father to the doctor, even just check my father into the health center I can't afford. I can only compress my father's forehead with cold water. Just like you do when your kids are sick. Checked into the Puskesmas does not require a lot of money, I could have held hungry all day but I do not have more money from the registration fee to the health center that I have to pay to the motorcycle taxi driver. The distance from my house to the puskesmas is quite far. If riding a motorcycle requires 10 times the money for the round-trip fare than I have to pay for the cost of treatment. The night was late, me and Silvana were still waiting for you. While Fadly had fallen asleep at the side of the father. Silvana was already sleepy while waiting for the father. But he refused to let me sleep.
"Aren't you sleeping?" ask the father when I change the water.
"Not sleepy sir" I said lying. At that time the drowsiness began to attack me, but as hard as I could try to expel him. "I'm sorry sir, eteh can't take you to the puskesmas" I said regretfully.
"Nothing of tea. You also most just catch a common wind. Tomorrow also healed" father at that time was lying sick for 2 days.
"Sir, later if it's big then want to be a doctor. Let me not go all the way to check" said silvana while whispering his eyes are getting drowsy.
"Student learning if you want to be a doctor. Gotta pinter" said the father of "Doain father let a lot of money. Let's go to high school" continued the father again.
"What if the doctor's school is expensive, sir?" ask silvana. He became interested in his conversation with his father.
"Yes expensive"
"Where's the money?" ask silvana again. Silvana was 6 years old.
"must be a lot of money" replied the father.
"Did you want to be a doctor?" my many.
"You need tea. let it later if you are sick ena who checks, eteh same ade also if you are sick ena who checks do not have to pay" said Ena again.
"Yes, if you want to be a doctor, you have to study hard. Eteh promised, eteh payin ena school" I replied. I looked at me full of haru. "Sir, doain eteh a lot of money huh? let eteh can go to high school in order to become a doctor. eteh the same appointment father. eteh already big want to find money that a lot of tuition ena same ade" I see the father shed his tears. He stretched out his hand so that we could get closer to him. I did not feel the affection of a mother for too long, but by having a father I never felt the lack of mother's affection. He loved us so much, watching us more than a mother.
"Tea..." Fadly called me again. Fadly's voice brought me back to the real world. A world ready to be roamed. I glanced at him. Consider what answer I should give.
"Tomorrow" I said. "Maybe" I continued again to correct my first answer.
"Eteh is still sad?" ask fadly again. I'm silent. I bow my face. Tears began to pool there despite dripping out of place. "If eteh takes another couple of weeks off, what about tea?" ask fadly again. I was asked to just be quiet. "Ade now has a big tea. Class 3 SMP. Ade can make money. Ade's going out of school. Make a tea that school until become a doctor" I stared intently at the fadly. My eyelids left wide open. "Ade already bosen tea learn continuously" he continued. I know Fadly lied with her words. What I see, fadly always eager to learn.
"You must reach for your ideals" I snapped in a slightly pressed tone.
"Ena doesn't want to be her doctor either" Silvana follows the fadly to declare if they want to quit school.
"What else is this. Can't do. Let eteh work. If you love eteh and father, diligent school.do not waste hard work for your school"
"But ena sama ade want eteh here. don't have to go to the city again" said silvana. Tears that I could bear so as not to fall eventually spilled also wet my cheeks. I took a deep breath and exhaled at once as if I wanted to take off all the burdens that were on my shoulders.
"The work ethic is not because of you. Not because of your school fees. Work because Eteh likes. Eteh seneng. Eteh. Eteh has a lot of good friends there" I know they know my lies, although no one can deny me. They were silent at my words.
