Sakinah The Hidden
Part 4 She's my Stepmom

My feet were walking slowly down the stairs, my mind was a little hesitant, but there was no other choice. The quickest way to get money for a child who is stricken with monkey love is to ask the money to his parents.

My house is two floors. The legacy of my late grandfather was a grocery store owner that my uncle now runs. He was rich enough to give his children a decent life, which is the story I heard from my father's mouth when I was five. He often told me how Grandpa was his role model.

The man who is gallant, frugal, hardworking, optimistic, cheerful and full of enthusiasm, no words to complain from his lips even though at that time Indonesia experienced a financial crisis and the grandfather's business had to go out of business, he never gave up one bit. Slowly rise from the slump and fix yourself.

He always said that his children should achieve what they aspire to and grandfather would be the first to strive to make it happen. Every time, Dad told me about Grandpa, the person who came to my mind was someone who had superpowers, always made other people smile, protected his family, and provided happiness.

Apparently, the nature does not decrease in the father. He tends to put his ego first, to impose his will, and never asks what his children want. Dad was a monster to me, ready to let out his hellfire when I didn't keep his word. To me, every word he took out was just a poison that gnawed at my heart and mind, fostering a deep hatred for me. At least I've never been happy, especially since my mother's departure.

It was as if he was turning his face away from me. Her soft voice I never heard again, only anger and coldness remained. I was thinking, if I knew you would act like that, maybe I'd rather go with you. Run away and leave him alone.

Bad right? Maybe you think I'm an ungrateful child, living well, but often complaining about the situation. In fact, what a child wants most, besides the love of his parents. I didn't get that, all I got was hate, sadness, and disappointment.

My disappointment peaked, when he chose to marry again without telling me, until today I only put hatred on my father and stepmother.

My feet were still slowly moving, I saw my stepmother sitting at the dinner table while feeding my little sister Daffa who was only three years old. I have two sisters, the first Sarah, the son of my stepmother's first marriage, can be called my half-sister, and the last Daffa, the son of her father's marriage to her. My age and Sarah are three, I'm older than her. I never considered them family.

Surely it is because to me they are the usurpers of happiness that I have had for ten years. I consider the presence of Aunt Rania in our lives to be destructive and take away everything.she has robbed my father of love for me. It felt like every time I saw Aunt Rania popping up in my heart was just a pent-up anger that didn't know when it would explode.

That emotion was nurtured from childhood until I myself did not know how to kill him. It was often excruciating, especially when Aunt Rania started acting like she was my mother. I felt guilty, for often being rude to him, but again his behavior like that reminded me of the mother who left me at that time.

I never forgot her for a second, when mom's hand started to take her off. His speeding legs and his lost shadow were engulfed by the darkness of night. I roared in the doorway, calling her name out loud, but she did not turn her head to me in the least. He was now transformed into a nightmare when my eyes closed and became a trauma that haunted me.

“I am not here to eat ...” my tukasku is cold. “I need money.” My eyes are staring hard at Aunt Rania.

Sarah who was originally busy with her reading books turned her eyes to me. Aunt Rania smiled. “I need fifty thousand.” My voice's stifled.

My faint ears caught, Aunt Rania sighed, stepping off the dining table towards the room. Shortly thereafter, he returned with a fifty-thousand in hand.

“This, but eat first, yes!” He extended the money to me. “Mama get rice, want?” he said he was trying to convince me to eat.

I turned away without a word, bringing my desires and ego to the room. I looked at the money lying on the bed. My mind was empty, which I thought was empty. There's a wound hole I can't explain with just a word. Half an hour passed, I, who had been laying down, was stunned with a knock on the door of the room.

“Mas, here's the food.” Sarah's voice came from behind the door.

As usual, Sarah drove the food to the room, just because I never wanted to eat with them. Finally, Aunt Rania took the initiative to deliver food to my room. Sarah became the courier of all that, every morning, afternoon, and night she would flatten the food and put it on the table that was deliberately put aunt Rania next to the door of the room.

After eating, I'll put the plate back on the table. Continue the routine in the room or go to practice martial arts according to the schedule set by the father.

I live a life like a robot that has no feelings. Not hanging out, never feeling a friendship. I was so lost in the pain that I endured for years. I was so engrossed in grief that I found Sakinah who changed everything.

My originally empty life became meaningful because of it, the desire to have it became a spirit of selflessness. Her liking gave me the identity of a real human being.

#connecting