1000 SEASONS WITH YOU
22. NAIMA ROSDIANA'S

Have your chest ever felt like it wanted to explode? Has your heart ever felt broken apart without leaving a single piece? Has your head ever been so hot that it feels like it will burn while charred? I've felt it.

I've forgotten everything, about Ezard tormenting me so badly. About my brother Andre who died in the hands of my foster brother. About the death of the father who chose to hang himself.

Losing my mother, until the corruption cases that ensnare my father make me and my sisters seen as a shame in the lives of many people. But that happened years ago. Now I am happy with my son. Yes I have a beautiful three-and-a-half year old daughter. I grew up with love and compassion. My only daughter whose name is Azura Rosdiana. I love her so much, she is both my own strength and my own weakness. Then why did two figures in the past come to see me instead?

A pair of middle men were staring at me flat from behind a one-meter-high scrap metal. I looked at them as if in disbelief, fretted my breath out loud and tried to bravely look them closer and walk to the front gate of my house, where they stood stiff. A woman who looks elegant with her hijab looks at me worried, it seems she has metamorphosed into a better than before, life shaping her into a more beautiful woman.

While the man who didn't stop looking at me for a second looked at me with a look I couldn't understand. There is sadness there, there is happiness even though it does not look dominant, there is a wound as well as fear. All were seen mingling on his face that never aged. The suit was still unchanged, black, white, silver was more dominant in his body at all times. This time he wore a silver t-shirt that made him five years younger than his actual age.

My heart beats faster when I approach them, I can't stand it until I want to scream. Take my tone of voice and let them both in. They walked in with doubtful steps. I prepared a sweet tea for the graceful lady who was now busy with her ten fingers and a coffee latte for the man who was now busy ransacking my contents with his wild eyes.

"Are you looking for something?" search me while looking at him to make him look at me back.

"Where's your son? Why don't I see him?" ask Ezard spontaneously. Nothing changed after four years. It's still the same.

"Do you know where I have children?"

I looked at his two eyeballs.

"Sister, so we were here yesterday but, not so because on the porch there is a sister's husband," said Alana hesitated.

"I've been very kind to let you in, so after this you can leave" I said.

"So I'm sorry for what happened a few years ago" said Alana holding both of my hands.

"There's nothing to forgive, after you killed Andre we're not brothers anymore!" I screamed no matter what. The pain that I had buried for so many years overflowed again. I've been piling it up in the corners of my heart for a long time but, why would someone try to raise it?

I was very surprised by their arrival, but to my surprise they thought I had a husband. So Ezard thought that Azura was Mas Azar's son. How could I have a son who was never my husband. Mas Azar is not Azura's father. Although Mas Azar loved Azura very much.

"So I'm sorry," said Alana, tears had been shed.

"Alana! You've ruined everything, Andre, my love, my life, I ruined Alana and now I don't want you guys to bother me anymore, I've been happily living with my son Azura, whatever happens to me right now doesn't need to help me!"

Tears dripping down my cheeks.

"But my brother...”.

"The right exit, if you're not blind, you know how to get out of this house" I didn't see Ezard or Alana standing right in front of me. Her tears did not stop dripping.

"All right, let's go!" Ezard jerked Alana's hand which was already in his grasp but, why did it make my chest even more tight. I feel like I want to stop all that. I HATE THAT SCENE! If only Azura could still say that Azura is your son Ezard but, for what, to hurt yourself and shut himself back in his golden cage.

"Stop!" azura's orders by facing her toy stick to Alana and Ezard, it made her second step stop, I swiftly wiped my tears.

"After making my queen cry no one can get out of this house safely!" azura shouted as she walked closer to us.

"Here dear," said Alana with a smile, it made Ezard let go of Alana's hand that he had held. Ezard never liked children. But what happens if he hates his own son. For some reason with Azura he ignored Alana, Azura chose to embrace Ezard, spontaneously Ezard was aghast and tried to get rid of Azura far from him however, Ezard was, Azura was also as stubborn as Ezard who did not want to budge.

"Om it's not Om," Azura said, making Ezard glance at her.

"Om curious huh," Azura chuckled to the point of making Ezard turn her gaze annoyed. With all the strength he had Azura managed to make Ezard sit down.

"Azura here dear .. don't mess with Om Ezard," said Alana offering her hand.

"No way!" Azura even shouted to make Ezard scrunch his forehead because Azura's voice shrieked to his ears.

"What's wrong with you?" ask Ezard ketus.

"Ezard, don't yell at him. You're this!" Alana sat down beside Ezard and pinched his waist to make Ezard grimace in pain, I quickly turned my attention away from the scene that managed to make my heart feel hot.

"Aunty already! Don't bother Dad!" yelled Azura to make me, Ezard and Alana look at him in disbelief.

"When did I become your father? You're all-in, '" Ezard chuckled in disbelief.

"Dad really don't believe me?" ask Azura.

Ezard turned away a lazy face.

"So you're not my father?" azura asked with a disappointed look, but Ezard did not show any empathy.

Can't stand the debate between a father who doesn't know his daughter and a daughter who wants to have a father but, never gets through. I always explained to him that Mas Azar was not his father, he always asked at all times where his father was, and now he was in his father's lap, would I lie to him all year saying that his father would not come back. I can't do it Azura is my daughter, my treasure.

"Azura he's your dear father ... Om Ezard is your father who you ask your mother every time." I stared at Ezard blankly, while Ezard looked at me as if in disbelief, looking as if there were a thousand questions clumping in his head.

"Really Mother? But why didn't he acknowledge Azura?" Azura swung her lips and slapped Ezard's face, Ezard still did not budge. Alana chose to leave this room. Disappointed in Alana's face.

"He probably won't admit you" I said.

"What are you talking about Naima, I don't understand!" ezard shouted to Azura's surprise, but Azura tightened her embrace.

"Four years ago before I left home, I was pregnant with your child. Setiba Yogyakarta I just found out that my content is five months old. He's your son Ezard," I said as I wiped my tears.

"What are you talking about?" asked Naima with her light gaze.

"So Azura my son. Whatisthis? I really can't believe that I have a daughter." Ezard hugged Azura tightly hunting her with a million kisses. Without realizing it, her tears flowed. A few minutes I let Ezard mix with his emotions, Azura looked calm in Ezard's arms, only the smile he threw at me I smiled back at my little daughter.

Ezard looked at me in a twinkle but, in an instant, his gaze turned mellow again.

"I'll take her with me to Jakarta!" resounding. Ezard was still unchanged, his pride and selfishness were his.

"How can you be that selfish? I would be lonely without her" I cried with tears flooding my cheeks.

"You seem to have moved on, so Azura will come with me. After all you can have a thousand more children with your husband. But I .. I can't Naima, even though I've tried a thousand times but, still I see your shadow between them and it torments me."

Ezard clenched his hands, enduring the tightness in his chest.

"Can't Alana be your replacement to accompany your nights" I wrote.

"Cih .. women don't seem to be able to make property." Ezard grinned.

"You're still haughty, now get out of Ezard's house, I won't forbid you from seeing your daughter and one more thing is that the person you thought my husband wasn't my husband."

"Mother ... Azura wants to come with Dad ... Azura wants to play with Mother's father." Azura pleaded with me, with a heavy heart I let her come with Ezard, it was impossible for me to separate a child from her father.

With my bosom raging I let Azura come with Ezard for a week, I want him to stay on good terms with his father. Azura had longed to have a father, sleep next to him, gently caress his head and trouble him all day. Alana looked at me doubtfully, while Azura just waved her hand and promised to come back and Ezard did not take a glance at me at all. Just now the car disappeared but my miss is already a great stir.

"Assalamualaikum," Iirih mas Azar stared at my eyes.

"When was he here?" I didn't answer his greetings.

"Assalamualaikum," he said once again.

"Waalaikumsalam Mas,” lirihku.

"It seems the sky is cloudy. Is there a problem?" tanyakanya.

"No, Azura went with her father for a week, I was a little sad."

I wipe away my tears that are still falling.

"So Azura came with her father, why don't you tell me first, I just bought her favorite martabak." Mas Azar pouted.

"Sorry, sorry I didn't come in either." I felt guilty for Azar, a man who thought Azura was like his own son.

We talked for a few minutes and Azar decided to go home. The feeling of tightness back against me, inexplicably when close to the Azar mas it feels okay again. But when away from him my heart broke again. He was like a tranquilizer in my life and Azura. It was Mas Azar who had given me a job at the restaurant where he worked, the salary given was able to support me and Azura for one month.

Should I betray Azar and return to Ezard, it would be inappropriate for me to just leave Azar. All this time I refused him on the grounds that I was not ready to marry again, but when I saw Ezard I really wanted to be with Ezard, there was a feeling that I could not stand. I should how? I don't really understand.