1000 SEASONS WITH YOU
19. EZARD WATTSON
Love cannot be defined by words, it can only be felt. It's too corny to say I love you, stay here, never leave me. That's not me at all. I was not born dominant for things that smell sustain. I can't resist something wanting to get out of my life. But know, when I choose you even in a state of unconsciousness you remain something different in my view. It will not change your capacity in my mind.
I'm not an edelweist, I'm just a flower of death. This is not diction but a cry that I am unable to voice. I don't have the ocean for your benefactor, if you want to sail your wings to the Indian Ocean. I don't have an airport for your winged iron, if your desire to fly to the Antarctic Continent is embedded in your memory. Therefore, if you want to leave, I will open the door wide so that memories will be washed away with the swift tears that follow after you leave my palace.
My blood is really bubbling, like lava gushing from the deepest trough of a volcano. I slammed the things around me, making a glass vase break leaving pieces on the floor. The big jar in the corner of the room was already lying on the floor in the form of pieces. The glass table in front of me, I hit it with the remaining urn until it cracked by itself. Mama scrunched her forehead, tears were incessantly flooding her cheeks, yet I was still bursting out. Some of the servants in this house did not dare to approach this raging lion.
Mama decided to take over my angry self by hugging me. I refused, I wanted to leave immediately from his embrace, but his gentleness made my emotional turmoil lose.
"Anger will not change anything. You just have to accept it" mama softly stroked my head.
"He left us, he's just like Ma." I clenched my hand tightly until a few seconds after my mom touched my hand and made me look at her forcibly.
"You're still explosive, nothing's changed from my son." Mama kissed me on the forehead and hugged me tight.
"You have to be strong, baby" said Mama.
"Ma I'm strong, no one can destroy me, but I don't accept being played!" my yelling.
Mama hugged me tighter, loved him? It is true that Naima had dared to enter my heart, she managed to steal my heartbeat with her smile. He returned me to God. But reality says otherwise, for some reason women seem to have a million miracles.
I understand I hurt him, I hurt him, but that's not an old wound that doesn't need to be taken up. I've metamorphosed well, but he's ruined my efforts.
From today I will hate him and will remember his kindness no more. His face had completely shattered in my heart, like a melted candle that chose to go out on the last of its axis was able to shine. I let him go far away and I will not look for him as a real man or anything else. No need to wonder how much I loved him, even from the first day I saw him I had dared to define that he was mine. Hurt is a form of my love that I can't say, it's wrong, but that's how I am and he doesn't understand it.
***
The aroma this morning is still so slick, the grasses in the park are seen with morning dew. I walked around this house, some servants had been busy with activities such as watering flowers, cutting them or even getting rid of from this world. I breathed fresh air this morning releasing all the heat from the tragedy of Naima's departure yesterday afternoon. I took my hand and put it in my Loose Pants pocket again. This time I was just wearing a shirt that showed off my muscles a little.
"Ezard, breakfast first!" mama shouted from the main door while shaking her hand. I smiled at him and turned towards the house.
Please note that my relationship with my mother has improved, slowly making me forgive his mistakes, it was also thanks to the help of Naima, a woman who previously played a big role in my life.
"Let's eat," she held my hand towards the dining table.
"I'm not hungry, you eat." I'm not eating today. It still feels like simple fried rice made by Naima, but the taste should be removed immediately.
"Ezard, just a little bit of honey." Mama seemed to be begging and rubbing the back of my hand.
"I eat when I'm hungry." I went to feed my mother a spoonful of rice first. I left her with a smile while heading upstairs.
When I got to the room I saw around me, the scent of Naima perfume that I still had left and I breathed deeply, not until one day he left this house but I have missed it very much. Suddenly I was fed up with myself and immediately I slammed the door of my room hard. I guess if someone downstairs isn't deaf, then he'll hear it.
I screamed loudly, it felt like the limit of my patience had run out. My hair occasionally pulls it hard. The bed is no longer shaped, I pull the pillow hard to tear and scattered on the floor. Some of the Naima make-up tools that I gave him were not brought, so he was still lying in his wardrobe. I slam it everywhere until it breaks, I don't care about the price that is soaring, I don't care how much money I spend for the beauty tools. I immediately headed for his nest and cut it out until it became shapeless again.
My anger is still turbulent, my eyes are reddened, my mother from the outside has been banging on the door but I do not care, my mind has been sidetracked by my emotions. I felt empty, lonely, defeated, and betrayed. I HATE NAIMA! What is less than this house? A treasure? The throne? Or even the love I had given her as she wanted, what was wrong with her? I'm sick of all the questions that don't get these answers.
"Ezard open dear.”
I heard my mom crying from behind the door. I'm not listening at all. I changed my suit this morning, I wore a black suit and a plain white shirt that was translucent so it showed my muscles. I wear sunglasses to hide that I'm after crying. No one should know that tears also dare to greet my cheeks. I calmly opened the door and found my mother lying on the floor.
He swiftly touched both of my tender cheeks and kissed me briefly.
"I've lost a lot of things, my brother, my first love, my life partner, and I don't want to lose my son anymore. I'm begging you not to do something that's gonna break me."
At the corner of her eyes clear holy water ran down her cheeks, I wiped her and hugged her tightly.
"Mama won't lose anything, I promise you." Kuelus cheeks so soft and memapah mama to his room.
***
The car drove at maximum speed, my horn was constantly screaming when the rider in front of me cut it just like that to make me sick and angry.
I've stopped at one of the most luxurious and famous clubs in the city center. When passing through the main door only some girls have already glanced at me offering themselves.
What is less than me? I have absolutely no flaws but, Naima is so arrogant and proud. How women seem to be able to make me crazy, even seeing women in this club I feel like I am no longer tasteful.
I walked towards the corner of the room, the night was not too late, but the cursed humans had already appeared in this club. I glanced at the wedding ring still on my finger, I opened it and slammed it into any place.
After a few seconds a woman with curly hair came up to me, it seems she is still new to the club', I have never seen her here. Long tight jeans and short-sleeved shirt cover her really sexy body, but judging by her face her age is still a dozen years. He sat next to me and smiled, like I've seen him but, who? My nerves stiffened from trying too hard to remember the girl next to me now.
"If removing the ring is so easy but, not necessarily with memories. Do you not remember the story of Adam who slipped from heaven because he was consumed by seduction?" I looked at the woman and gave her a wedding ring that I had thrown everywhere.
It would be a big lie if I said yesterday that this ring is so despicable. Like a whiz I threw it in front of Naima like I didn't need that wedding ring. But when he was gone from home I picked up the ring like a scavenger who like to get the world and its contents when glancing at the trash can that still tells used food. How sad I am.
"Sadly, in this filthy place it doesn't feel like you're calling Adam or Eve." I turned my eyes away, not wanting to respond to the sane woman sitting next to me right now.
“Who are you?”
“Cih.”
He looks like he turned his face away.
“Three months ago we met here, Mr Ezard!” the hardic.
"This is your ring." The woman just walked out from before me.
I chuckled, the woman of the last dozen years was storytelling in front of an Ezard Wattson whose prowess was matchless. Shameless. Tonight I was really dizzy, I poured beer into my glass but again the black-haired lady by the boat came back again and just smashed my glass.
"Think Naima! You must understand how broken he will be" he cried in front of my ears.
"Are you born to disturb the peace of others? Fucking shithead!" I rebuked.
"I wonder why Naima could fall in love with a demon like you? And why do I still want you?" He fell down and dropped his body on the floor.
"Whatever you say!" hardikku while leaving the club's. Who was that woman so bravely insulted me? He looks shameless. All women are equally cheap! But Naima, she's so different. After being away from club’ I just remembered who that woman was. That seductive woman was with me three months ago. He used to spend the night late with me. Why am I being this forgetful? But how did he know about Naima? I never told a teenager that year.
