The For Number One
8: Now

1

In the end, we all went home together. Even though April and I are still a bit awkward interacting with each other. But I could feel that he was no longer avoiding me. At least not clearly. Like, when I looked at him he was still looking away from me.

Since I still wanted to be with her a little longer, I decided to invite her to dinner at my house. Supported by my two brothers. Although she refused quite hard when Anna said that our mother was going home, in the end April gave in to our pressure and decided to accept my offer.

And sure enough, when we got home we found that the front door was no longer locked and there were shoes parked on the side shelf. Then, as soon as Hanny said hello home. A middle-aged woman instantly came out with a bright face.

“Finally you two came home too, I really miss you guys”

My mother immediately walked quickly towards my two brothers and hugged them tightly.

“I am home”

“Ya”

A VIP class welcome. Although maybe I would feel uncomfortable if my mother hugged me like Hanny and Anna's sister, but at least I want her to say ‘welcome’ to me too.

“Then I go to the room first”

“What were you waiting for? quickly go there”

Ugh, from the answer earlier I could feel that my mother really wanted me to get out of her sight. But at least I hope that he adds a little sugar to his words considering in front of us there is someone else, AKA April. Who was now looking at me with a gaze that seemed to tell whether he had just misheard or not.

“Hars . .”

“Sister Anna, I leave April to you”

April seemed like she wanted to say something and tried to follow me, but I couldn't let her. I had absolutely no intention of finding out what my mother would think if I dared to take April to my room in front of her. That's why I decided to hand over April's business to Anna and Hanny.

“ . . . .”

I waved my hand at him then immediately went up and headed to my room.

“Agh. . .”

As you have seen for yourself, my relationship with my mother is not at all healthy. We never had a big fight, I did not fight seriously, then my mother also never said forbidden words like “I do not want to have a child like you” or the like.

But, from his behavior alone it was clear that my presence nearby was not something he liked. And that's what finally made me feel like a stranger in my own family. Among all the members of my family, honestly, it's just Mom that I don't know how to interact with right now.

I never got any information that my father ever remarried, which means I could rule out the possibility that my current mother is my stepmother. Character that has a very strong association with the activities of bullying children.

Chances are that I'm just a pick-up kid they foster for some reason I can also doodle. Besides there's no reason for my mother to want another child when she already has two daughters like sister Hanny and Anna, all of our childhood photos also clearly show that the three of us have facial features that are seen from anywhere. Same source.

It's just that, even though I'm sure that I'm his own flesh and blood, one hundred percent of this family, and don't remember ever denying to an outrageous degree. For some reason, to any extent I reveal my memory. My mother has been acting like she is now to me..

Acting like he doesn't want to get close to me.

Minus when I was really small of course. I remember that she treated me normally when I was kindergarten and early Elementary School.

“Ah. . .”

No, no, no.

Don't think too negatively.

My problems with my two brothers also started from me thinking too negatively. Because of that, a small misunderstanding becomes big and makes a problem that should never exist so appear and drag on.

I'm sure that I can finish the cold war between us. If my mother and I could sit together quietly and talk from heart to heart. Just like I did with my two sisters. Once again, I'm sure that our relationship is still not that damaged until it can not be repaired anymore.

In this world, there is no such thing as a former child. Once you become someone's child, you will forever be that person's child. In addition, if I believe in the saying that the mother's love has no expiration date then there is a very big chance that we can be a normal mother and child couple again.

"Don't give up! Harsa!!"

With the thought I was trying to make positive, I immediately changed clothes in a hurry and immediately went down to see my mother. Not to ask him to speak with four eyes of course, but to help him do whatever he is doing. I will try to slip in small talk to make the distance between us gradually get smaller.

And what a coincidence, when I got to the first floor of my house. I found my mother looking busy in the kitchen. A very ideal situation for me who wants to give her a hand.

"Can I help you, ma'am?"

"Nothing"

 Blatant and no-nonsense rejection. She really is my mother. I had expected that my offer to give him help would be met with a negative reaction. So, even though my chest had felt a little pain, but the wound was not enough to beat me back from before him.

"Come on, ma'am, I'm used to doing homework"

I'm sure I can give him some help. Considering that I was the one in charge of the house when he was outside. The number of moments is not at all a little. That's why I feel I have the right to whine a little like a child who is taking his parents to play while they are busy.

"....."

For a while, Mom looked at me with a rather intense gaze. Makes me wish he was weighing my offer. It's just, like a lost item. When you need it. You won't be able to find him. Not long after, he put on the face of someone who refrained from hitting someone. After that, he said….

"Can you just shut up?"

"......"

Now it's my turn to not be able to talk.

"Stop bothering me!"

Ok, now you can praise me for not reflexively holding my chest even though my heart felt like it had just been stabbed by a knife.  And you can also start praising me for being able to survive this far even though I already have a very strong feeling that something like this will happen if I force my mother's personal space invasion.

"Huff…."

My mother took a deep breath and then took her eyes off me.

".......If you have a lot of free time, just clean your room"

From her reaction I could catch her feeling that she had spoken outrageously to me, something I might have to be grateful for. For a while I wouldn't think that he didn't seem to want to apologize at all.

"I'll go to the room first"

And in the meantime, I'll be out in front of him. I can no longer deceive myself, I can no longer try to turn what he says and the actions he takes in a positive direction. Because from anywhere he doesn't want me around.

Unlike my problems with my two brothers, my conclusions did not arise due to a misunderstanding or inferiority complex. With a sentence as clear as "Stop bothering me!", I couldn't interpret the sentence he said to any other purpose except "I don't want to get close to you!"

"Mmmm…"

In my room of course there was nothing to clean, but there was no way I could say it in this kind of atmosphere. That's why I just obeyed and headed to my room quietly. I guess I'll spend until dinner studying the materials for tomorrow.

"God…."

As soon as I got to the room, I checked my schedule tomorrow and prepared the materials. Just before I opened the book in front of me I suddenly heard a voice coming from the bottom outside my room. Which just so happens to be my family's main bathroom.

"April?"

Besides April, I can also hear the voices of my two older sisters. Which means the three of them are taking a bath together. Something strange considering that like my parents' room, my brothers' room also had a bathroom in it.

My room? of course my room has no private bathroom. The size alone is only three times three and a half, one closet and one mattress alone has made this place feel very narrow. After adding a pair of tables and chairs, this place may be more appropriately called a nest. If anything can be called a positive thing, it is just the fact that my room is really warm and very comfortable to sleep in when the weather is cold.

"Hanny, check this out! this one's just called "as soft as a baby's ass""

"You're right Anna, her skin is really smooth, I really envy you April"

"Stop holding me in a weird place!!"

The voice I heard was not loud, but even so April's voice, Anna and Hanny could clearly hear what they were saying. Not because my hearing is cat-class.

I remember that in the main bathroom there was a large vent with an exhaust fan that was rarely turned on, and the vent hole was just outside the wall a few meters below the window of my room. Therefore, if the situation is calm as it is now I can hear the sound from inside.

“Kyah. . .”

What is that sweet voice? now I'm really curious about what my two sisters are doing in April. Or rather, I was really curious which ‘weird places’ belongs to April they are holding-hold.

After that, because my two older sisters seemed to continue to play around with him. April's sweet voices continued to be sent to my room. Sounds such as ‘mmngggg’, ‘huwaaa’, annghh’,’awww’ and various other sounds from his mouth that can make someone think perverted.

And when I say “someone” I mean it's myself.

I mean, I'm a normal teenage boy. If you hear such voices coming out of the mouth of a beautiful girl, it is natural that your mind will be filled with perverted thoughts. On the contrary, if you do not feel anything after hearing it you are guaranteed to be abnormal. In addition, the beautiful girl in question is someone who is the purpose of your special feelings.

“Yep, time to stop!”

I walked towards the window, pulled it quickly then locked it and even closed the curtain hurriedly. If I keep listening to the voices from the room below I'm not sure if I can stare into April's face again. And if there's one thing I believe will happen if I keep eavesdropping into the self-contained room. It is the belief that something will stand tall, and that standing tall is neither justice nor peace.

“Learn! study up! learn!”

I closed the window and hypnotized myself like Steve Ballmer was presenting. And as soon as the window closed, the sound from below became smaller and harder to hear. But to be safer, I decided to put a pair of earphones into my ear and listen to the radio from my phone. After that, I picked up the book for tomorrow and studied it. Trying to forget worldly thoughts such as how soft April's smooth white skin is, how beautiful the curves of her small body are, or how tempting her wet hair is to her neck.

Those kind of things.

2

I don't know how long I've isolated my mind from the outside world, but that's obvious. When I returned to the real world, the light from the window beside me was almost gone. In other words, it's time for dinner soon. It seems like my body has a natural alarm which is a reminder that until I'm late, my mom will be nagging me.

“Harsa. .Evening is almost ready”

“Ya. .”

Wait, why does it feel like something is strange.

First, my room why does it feel so much wider? besides that my little study table, my little closet, and my cheap chair don't look like it. All around me was a large cupboard, a wide mattress, then a dim table lamp on a small table whose functionality was questioned.

“Do you want to eat first?”

The second thing that woke me up was April. Which may not sound strange at first considering that today we invited him to my house. It's just that, when I looked at it more closely, I started to feel that something was really wrong. Somehow she emits an adult aura like a Mother, a Mother who is not my mother of course.

“You take a shower first?”

Then the third, he had the skill to make a naughty smile that looked seductive. A smile that was very far from his innocent and naive image.

“Atau. . . You want. . . I?”

And now, next to the big bed in front of me. April spread her arms around me like a little girl hugging me. Unfortunately the face he showed me was far from something plain. His face looked like he was asking me to hug him and drop him on the bed.

Yep, yep, yep.

This must be a dream.

It must be a dream.

There is no other explanation.

“Ahhh. . . “

I can't believe that I could dream like this just because of that. I can't seem to underestimate my teenage libido. Fortunately this was in a dream, otherwise I might have jumped out of the window in embarrassment.

Shameful. . .

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...............................................................................................................................................................................

I might not have jumped out of the window, but I still covered my face with both hands even though no one else was. And again, no one else. I also decided to roll around on the floor like crazy while shouting like crazy. Making the fake April I made with my imagination look at me with a confused face.

“Ahhh. . . .I'm tired. . when I wake up”

I raised my right hand, and then I dropped my face hard.

And that way, my eyes immediately open while accompanied by a sensation like when you fall in a dream.

“I can't believe that I dream like that”

“What dream?”

“Aaaaaa. . . . . Don't surprise me so!”

“Your reaction is overrated”

Normally, but unfortunately my state of mind was a bit abnormal.

“What's April?”

“I should have asked so”

“It's okay”

He walked up to me and started looking down at me who was sitting, checking my face like it was with the intention of making sure I was sane or not. But after a while, he decided to stop and let out a long sigh. I don't know what kind of conclusion he got from his examination, but I'm grateful that it shouldn't be researched for long. Remembering my dreams I can still remember them clearly.

“Evening is almost ready. . . What I ate first”

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. If anyone is playing eurobeat music, now you can stop because I already feel deja vu.

“You need to take a shower first? or. .”

Or.. . or what?

"Study for next week's test first?"

"Well....."

I let out a sigh of relief.

"Your reaction is other than I imagined”

Normally I would complain, but this time I was really grateful to hear that sentence from April's mouth. Because it shows that April in front of me is the real herself, not the shadow that comes from my imagination.

“Do not think too much. .”

After convincing myself that the girl in front of me was truly genuine, I was finally able to look her in the face directly.

“. . . What's up?”

Ah . . . It seems like I stared at her face for too long. I hope my face doesn't show that I've just had a dream that let's say pretty perverted implicitly.

“Nothing. . . I just feel that you look a little different”

The most likely cause is the clothes he is wearing now. Right now the clothes she was wearing was something I remember my brother used to wear when they were kids. And because my mom has a hobby of making her two daughters dolls, they have a lot of cute outfits that really fit April who despite being the same age as me. His acceptability was not at all inferior to my two brothers when they were in Elementary School.

Of course the difference is not as obvious as the one in my dreams, but for some reason it feels a bit different. His outer appearance was still SSS, Smol, Soft, Smooth but unlike usual he did not emit a hot aura full of energy but rather the aura he emitted this time was more towards warm and calm.

“B-really?”

“I'm not lying, you're really sweet”

When I saw her at school or on the street, the first thing that popped into my head was the thought of how much I wanted to pinch her cheeks and hug her little soft body. Only this time, what I really wanted to do when I saw her was hold her hand tightly and stroke her head.

His aura this time seemed to call me to protect him, not play with him like at school or the street.

".... Thank you"

If we were the ones we were a few months ago, I was sure that I could praise her blatantly and that April would not honestly thank me either. On the contrary, I could easily imagine he would hit me to hide his embarrassment. Which means, I can assume that we're getting closer, right?

Aye right?

After that, for a while we both said nothing. Or rather we can't say anything. It's true our relationship is closer than ever, but still doing the unusual things we did still makes us feel ashamed.I can even see how red April's Face is.

The face that makes her look even sweeter.

"Ahem, so how? What do you want first?"

April turned her face away from me and forced the previous topic back again, making me realize that I was too focused on her appearance. Maybe it's the so-called klepek, if he doesn't shift the topic maybe I'll keep seeing him trying to burn his appearance now into my brain.

Why don't I just take a picture of it? because my current phone is a stone-age phone whose screen can only display the yellow color of my father's legacy. My previous phone has been crumbled and can not be repaired anymore unfortunately.

“I'll take a shower first, I feel that my mom will give me a stabbing comment if I eat first”

“. . .Ugh. . I can imagine it”

It seems April has been able to capture how my relationship with my mother goes. It's possible that he could read my home, he accidentally heard my interaction with my mother in the kitchen earlier considering that her voice was quite loud , or it could be that my two sisters were chatting up the topic while they were inside the bathroom.

“Then. .”

I raised my hand and let April out of my room.

“I'll be waiting for you here”

“You said what?”

“I'll be waiting for you here”

“Nona April, you don't have to wait for anyone! you can start first!”

I'm sure that my mother will also tell you to leave me alone. Besides, even if you really want to wait for me. Please go to my brother's room or just relax in the living room like a normal guest.

“Take it easy, I won't dismantle your mattress or check under your bed”

“Don't say anything connotating I'm hiding something”

“Do not worry, I understand”

“You don't understand! let me take you to my brother's room”

“Don't bother, they said they wanted to talk to your mom! it doesn't feel good if I go into their room when there's no one”

“And you feel good in my room when you have nothing in place?”

“. . . Why should I feel bad? this room is your room”

Ok, I don't know what to react to after hearing that sentence. Should I be angry, she would declare that what I have is hers. Or should I be happy because she thinks that in this house I am her closest ally and feel safer with than with anyone else.

Seeing that I was at a loss for what kind of reaction it seemed to make April aware of the implications of the sentence she just said. It's just that, instead of revising his words he just looked at me with a shy face.

Eeeeh. .. What are those faces?

You want me to push you into bed or something? because now I really want to push you into my bed.

Plaque!

“. . .Harsa?”

“Nothing!”

I'm just trying to get the demons out of this room. It seemed like the man and the woman together in a desolate place had indeed really invited demons. For some reason I felt that even if I really pushed her into my bed, with the current atmosphere I felt that April might not refuse and let me do this and that to her.

Of course it was all just my feelings, but what if my feelings were accurate and we actually crossed the line?. Imagining what would happen if it happened and we were caught was enough to give me goosebumps. Don't mess with the fire, I'll follow the saying.

“I go first”

“. . .Um”

I picked up a change of clothes then hurriedly went downstairs to the bottom floor. I want to immediately flush my head with cold water so that the contents can get colder.

“Harsa is always troublesome. .”

It's just, when I wanted to go down the stairs suddenly I heard a voice from the living room. And that voice said something I shouldn't have heard, or rather something I didn't want to hear at all. The voice that immediately made my footsteps stop.

No need to second-guess, everyone should have known that the voice I just heard was my mother's.

“Don't say so bu!”

“Harsa is not a fool”

After my mother's voice, the voices of Anna's sister and Hanny's sister changed to fill the room. Both of them tried to defend me from my mother's negative opinions in a voice that was no less stressful.

I'm sure that this kind of interaction must have happened a lot, only this time I heard it in person. Because until a few weeks ago, I was always trying to avoid the three of them being afraid that they would all talk about my ugliness behind my back.

“He may not be stupid, but what can I be proud of him?”

Ah. .dadaku! it feels a little painful.

As Hanny said. It's true I'm not a fool. But unfortunately, I am also a person whose brain is too bright like my two brothers. Therefore, what my mother said about me “ can not be proud” is also true. In the nine years and five months I went to school, the only achievement I could possibly call quite proud was when I was ranked fifth in Junior High.

A very small achievement compared to what my two brothers had achieved in the same time.

“You know how confused I am when someone asks about it no?”

Both of my parents work, and because of my mother's work, she demands that she have a lot of connections. She often uses the topic of her child as the subject of conversation, and if you want to talk about your child. Of course you'll talk about how great they are.

So, if the topic of the conversation suddenly moved towards me? what should he talk about?

“How about you stop showing off?”

“Say that Harsa is handsome or what?”

“. . . “

“. . . “

Not only my mother, but I was also at a loss for words when I heard the answers from my two brothers.

“Hah. . .What's wrong with proud of your own child?”

Putting aside the answers of my two brothers that were completely unusable in any situation. I understand what my mother means.

I heard from my mother that if there was a topic about me, she would try to divert the conversation or give an ambiguous answer. He felt that his credibility would be reduced if he complained about his son in public so that in the end he always vent his dissatisfaction with me in front of his own family. Including me of course.

But let's forget that fact and move on to the next topic.

It is almost a law of nature if a mother, let's say “ember” if it has been talking about her child. They almost always instinctively want to talk about their children when they meet someone. So telling my mom to stop being a showgirl about him is practically impossible.

In addition, there is no harm in parents wanting to boast about their children to others. That is their right.

“And you said he was handsome? you need Hanny's glasses!”

I won't comment on that point. But...

“What is my face seje. .”

When I wanted to hold my own face, I suddenly felt someone holding my hand first. And, surprise-surprise, the one holding it is April.

“I don't care if you're not handsome!”

“. . . . April?”

As soon as I turned around and tried to pull my hand away from her, she fought back and pulled my hand back tighter and hugged it in her chest while putting on a somewhat angry face. Making my arms now in contact with his chest, which even from the outside looks flat but it turns out to feel very soft.

Stopit! stopit! Stop right there, Harsa!

“Where did you start hearing it?”

“From your part it troubles”

“From the beginning huh. .”

“As of note, I didn't eavesdrop”

“. . .I get”

Just like I can hear April's voice from the bathroom. April also seemed to be able to easily hear the voice of my mother who was not at all trying to shrink her volume from the second floor easily.

“At a time like this, you should pretend you didn't hear”

“Instead in times like this I can't just shut up”

“April. . .”

Because I'm used to hearing complaints whether it's in front of my face or behind my back. Although I feel a bit sick but I can still think of it as something ‘already usual’. Makes me able to just think ‘ahh, start again’. But it seems that the first April to face this situation has no tolerance for my mother's speech. Looking at the angry face he was trying to endure, if he hadn't met me maybe he would have tried to meet my mother and ended the conversation by force in some way.

“Do not worry April. . “

If the one who heard my mother's grumbling was me a few weeks ago, I'm sure that I've fallen into a vortex of negative feelings. And to be honest, now I am still not free from that vortex trap completely.

But unfortunately, right now the feeling of not wanting to lose, not wanting to give up, and wanting to change that I had was much greater than the shame, weakness, and surrender that I had.

Wh why? because now I know!.....Nah!

Because now I realize when I act like a loser there will be people who feel sad. Brother Anna, sister Hanny, and also. . . April. They don't like me putting on a losing face and giving up.

That's why, I want to change, I want to be stronger, and I don't want to give up again and feel like an alien in my own family.

“Just leave it to me April!”

Something like this is an internal matter of a family, I don't want to make April interfere in it. Besides, I also don't want to show that I'm an unreliable person. As Anna said, though different we are still brothers. So it should be, just like them I also have something to be proud of inside me. And suppose I don't have any..

I just need to make it myself.

“Sorry, I overslept”

For a while, I would assume that I didn't hear anything my mother had just said before. Right now I have nothing, I can't do anything, and right now I can only rely on everyone around me. But the key sentence is ‘ at this time’ and I have absolutely no plans to continue relying on that word.

“Quick shower sana”

“Ya. .”

April seemed to want to come down, but she held back and decided to go back to my room.

That way, this time I actually made it to the bathroom and got cold water to flush my hot head. Times are not because of the worldly thoughts that April provoked to come out, but the words from the mouths of others that made my emotions overflow.

3

Because I didn't want to make everyone wait too long, I was only in the bathroom for about ten minutes. And when I was done, I went back up and took April down to have dinner with us.

When the two of us went down, I found out my mother was already sitting with being squeezed by my two brothers. The position that I was certain of was definitely not the result of mere coincidence. It's likely that both of them did it because they understood that neither I nor my mother wanted to sit near each other.

April walks first and says…

"Excuse me.."

"Come over here little girl, don't be shy!"

"Girl to…."

Let's put aside April's startled reaction to being called a little girl by my mother.

"April…"

I pulled a chair across from my mother as a sign to ask her to sit down where I prepared. I don't want to be the only one sitting opposite my mother, which is why I want April to sit on the side.

"Thank you…"

Fortunately April understood my gesture and immediately sat down on the chair I prepared without asking anything. After making sure she was comfortable in her place, I followed her and sat down beside her.

"By the way, what's your name, little girl?"

"My name is April"

"Your name is so pretty"

"Te-thank you"

April, just my feeling do you sound a little groggy? where is your boundless courage to go for a walk? If you've been so nervous just because you talked to my mom. How can you defend me in front of him?

It seems like my decision not to let her down and face my mother was something that was right.

"And I'm fifteen, so I'm not a kid"

"Ahh..I'm sorry"

It seems like my mother thought that April was really a little girl, even though she saw her wearing the same uniform as me. If only seen from his posture, he does look really like a little girl, aka a little girl and not a girl whose size happens to be small.

"That's okay"

"So you're Anna's and Hanny's friends, right?"

Actually rather than friends they are both more suitable to be referred to as seniors or upperclassmen. And if there is someone more suitable to be called as April's friend, that person is. But of course I'm not gonna carry my name around in his screwdriver. Even though the conversation partner is literally my classmate.

And sure enough, with a big smile my mother started talking to April as if she wanted to show her social skills.

With a gentle tone, she began to bring light topics that even teenagers of our age could understand. He even occasionally inserts jokes in it so that April does not feel bored. If April had never heard of his conversation with my two brothers. I'm sure she'll have an opinion that my mother is an ideal mother.

Which may not be far from the fact that my existence from his life is thrown out of calculation.

"I know them from Harsa, we're classmates"

"Heee…"

My mother looked at me for a moment, but she immediately turned her face again and immediately said..

"Now you're in first class?"

To keep the conversation away from me.

"Pri.ya"

"By the way, how did you get to meet them?"

Without you needing to ask, you should have understood that the 'they' my mother meant were 'the two of them' in other words. Only his two daughters.

"I'm on the student representative board"

"Want it"

My mother smiled again,. And with that smile, her conversation with April at our dinner continued. This time with topics around April such as his achievements, his values, his future plans, and similar topics that I was actually also rather quite interested.

How's my? of course I'm just a rocking grass. Besides Mom always brings topics that I can't enter, she also always throws a sharp gaze that seems to say "don't follow along" towards me. Makes me just a chair decoration for those minutes in the room.

It's just that, when I'm almost resigned to evolve into a wall. Suddenly an opportunity came.

"Is there a lesson you feel weak in it April?"

"Actually I'm a bit weak in English"

Although overall April's values were far above mine, but there was a time where I managed to beat her in a replay. And the lesson for that replay is English.

Nine out of ten, I believe that my victory is only the result of luck. Recalling the time the replay took place, in the previous week he had ditched to meet his older brother. And that left him clueless about the tricks that were not in the books taught by our teachers. But still, I won from him. And at that very moment, he even asked me this and that.

April was silent for a moment, then later..

"...."

He's looking at me.

"Sometimes I ask Harsa too"

Thank you for your opportunity April!

"True, though I was taught more often by him but sometimes I also taught him back"

My mother glanced at me and showed a face of disbelief, and a few seconds later. His face turned suspicious before he looked back at April and said…

"Are you sure he didn't just cheat on you?"

"Of course not…."

"Yeah…"

Prankkkp.

I've heard that 'what comes quickly usually leaves too'. Like my chance to join in on my mom and April's talk. It just came and ran away, even without saying goodbye.

"I'm sorry!"

When I tried to defend myself from my mother's accusation, both my hands moved to follow my words. And unfortunately, when I widen my hand I don't look around. My hand hit the hand of April who was picking up a large glass full of water. Then in shock, he let go, making him fall onto the vegetable bowl which happened to be almost finished. Then, because the question was light, the bowl flipped over and threw the contents at me before finally falling down with the glass and breaking at the same time.

RIPS.

Not only did our conversation end, but this dinner was also over. At least for me.

"What are you doing!!!?"

I've heard my mother's high voice many times, but this time it's much higher than the sounds of her scolding that are in my memory. And if I and my two brothers were surprised, of course, April, the first time I saw my mother's anger, would be much more surprised.

"...."

His eyes widened and reflexively he retreated from my mother's direction.

"I'm sorry April, I'm not mad at you"

He tried to speak softly, but his anger could still be easily caught. After making sure April didn't misunderstand me, my mother immediately looked at me sharply.

"Getch!!"

"I'm sorry! I'll take care of it"

"Quick then!!"

"I'll help, I dropped it…"

"Don't bother.. !!"

"No usa… !!"

I didn't think that my mother and I had the same thought until we talked at the same time. I looked at my mother and as I expected, as soon as our eyes met she immediately turned her eyes away from me.

I sighed and averted my gaze at April who was still in her chair.

"Let me take care of it, you're a guest, besides I don't want you to get hurt"

"... Alright"

He seemed to want to argue with me, but he swallowed his words because he knew that doing so would only make the atmosphere worse.

"Give it to me"

Without wasting any time, I began to sweep the floor under the dining table to collect the remains of the broken glass and bowl I had dropped. After that, I started mopping it up carefully. As long as I did the job, of course April kept looking at me with a face of pity. An expression that I did not want to see from his face at all.

As I cleaned up the place, too, my mother tried to resume the chat with April. And April, perhaps feeling bad, continued to serve my mother's chatter even with a clear reaction of only half-heartedness. Sister Anna herself could only massage her forehead while taking a deep breath, while sister Hanny kept looking at me with a worried face.

Dinner together whose purpose was to make us able to relax more ended with a fairly less wearing atmosphere. At least for me, April, and my two brothers. I don't know if my mother was unconscious or deliberately indifferent to the atmosphere between us but it can be clearly seen that she was the only person to enjoy a full April visit.

Not long after our dinner was over at seven o'clock, April told everyone and I followed her to ensure her safety. Or rather, my brother decided that they needed to temporarily. Separating me from my mother. A truthful act, I really appreciate.

At first my mother wanted to drive April herself to her place, but both of my sisters said it would be safer if the one who drove her was a boy. Besides, they also said they wanted to talk about something important with my mom. Therefore, with a face full of doubt and unbelief. My mom let me drive April home.

For a few minutes, the two of us said nothing to each other. Given what just happened, I need not be surprised at all. If I were in his position, I wouldn't know what to say to him either. But as you know, April is someone who has a lot of energy. We were halfway to his place. Suddenly he ran first and stopped in front of me and shouted. .

“I'm sorry!"

While looking down deeply.

It was already impossible for me to know April's thoughts, but even so after being with her for several months. I understand how he sees me in general.

Maybe all this time he just saw me as a slacker who did not have the motivation to do anything, especially learning and getting good grades. He might also see me as someone who wastes his time doing nothing even though there are many things I can do. Then lastly, he might also see me as someone who can't go forward if it's not kicked first.

All his views on me were of course basically accurate, therefore he did not need to apologize for that. It's just that, all this time he didn't know what kind of reason made me into someone I mentioned earlier.

And as soon as she found out, she started feeling guilty for all the things she'd done.

Logically I know, but when I hear it say…

“I'm sorry! Because I know"

Later then..

"I'm sorry I always said it was stupid!"

Cited..

"I'm sorry I've added to your burden!"

My heart hurts.

“Stop!!”

"But…"

"If you don't stop.I feel like I'm gonna hate you.."

All this time, people who believe that I can achieve something, if I have the ability to get what I want. And the one who keeps giving me encouragement even though I can't trust myself is April. Maybe the way is a bit insolent, but all of his actions have a very deep effect on me.

Until I met him, everyone except my two brothers always told me to give up. If I don't have the talent, and I'd be better off not trying at all.

But April.

He never stopped challenging me. He never gave me a chance to give up, he never gave me a chance to be a whiny at my stupidity, and he gave me no chance to stop trying again and again and again.

To me. The fact that he never stopped challenging me who clearly had skills far below him was proof that he believed in me. Believe that I will not give up trying, will not stop learning from his mistakes, and I have the ability to one day be on a par with him.

"Please stop looking at me with such pity!"

For your pitiful gaze is far more painful than my mother's piercing words. The pitiful look of a girl you like as well as someone you consider to be your mental support is really bitter. It was so bitter that it felt like I was going to hate him as well he kept stuffing it at me.

Not only that, imagining her trust in me turning into just a pity was also very frightening.

"I'm sorry a…. Alright.."

He wanted to apologize again, but as soon as he looked at my face that I was sure must have looked pathetic. He immediately stopped talking and swallowed his apology.

"Thank you"

For the umpteenth time, we stopped talking to each other. April seemed to want to say a lot of things, but she knew that saying the wrong thing would only make the atmosphere between us worse.

His current face was completely filled with complicated expressions.

"God…."

If he showed such a face of course I would not bear to let it go. Suddenly I felt guilty, which is why I grabbed his hand and said….

"I'm sorry for my overreaction, I'm fine"

"Why are you the one apologizing, the wrong one is a…"

"Because now I'm the one who's pretentious, bothering you and adding weight to your mind"

"Harsa. .."

I felt April tighten her grip on my palm. And without a doubt, I instantly reciprocated squeezing her small, soft and warm hand even tighter.

It seems like this afternoon is not entirely bad. Because of my mother's nagging, I can now join hands with April without being groggy, awkward or embarrassed and most importantly. Natural. For some reason, I can do things that normally only a person who has more than a friend can do with his nature.

"I don't want to be disrespectful, but I don't think that in the real world there's a Mother like your Mother"

"Ahaha...The same!"

Said my father and also the results of my observation, all parents must have come to a time where they need to compare their children with others. The difference is only in its level. It's just like it's just my mother who blatantly divides her child into two categories. The golden child and the useless child. Actions that would normally only be done by the evil stepmother in the stories.

"That's why you should be grateful April"

How a child is raised by his parents can be seen from how they behave. Although there are exceptions here and there, but usually the actions of parents at home can be seen from the actions of their children outside. Judging from how he looked at his older brother, I was sure that his family did not have an exaggerated obsession about who was better than who.

"Yes, now I realize how lucky I am"

I smiled at him while holding back the strong desire that told me to stroke his head.

"If I were in your position, I'm not sure I'd be strong against it"

"You're gonna be fine, 'cause you're April"

And the April I know is not weak.

"I'm not as strong as you think, I'm just good at hiding my worries"

"That's it."

April doesn't seem to be lying to make me feel better, in other words she's saying it from inside her heart. Even so, I did not feel disappointed by the confession. Because I understand, it's something natural.

Nothing in this world is perfect, though it always looks bright and luminous to the point of glaring me. There must be a time when negative emotions and feelings envelop his heart and mind. I am thankful that he told me his own weakness. That way, when he needs help I need not hesitate to come to him and lend a hand.

Ok, time to buy perfume get ready if one day she needs my chest as a backrest.

"But I still believe that if you're in my position, you'll be fine"

"I told you I was…"

"If my mother had a child like you, I'm sure she'd be converted!"

"Huh? I kind of don't get it. "

"I mean, how could anyone hurt or make this little girl cry?"

You can tell that I have an outrageous idea about my opinion of April. But let me tell you all, whether it's subjectively or objectively April is a hundred percent cute. And it is the law of nature that parents are weak to the child's faith.

Including mother.

People like my mother had the ability to act sweet when I was a kid and cute. I still remember how pampered he was to us. I could easily imagine my mother indulging April indefinitely.

And for April who will likely continue to look cute for years to come. I'm sure that later he'll spoil Hanny even to the point of graduating high school.

It is not impossible if April becomes his child, he will start to think that the value is useless as long as his child can feel happy. I mean, I'm the only one who's not a parent who feels that making April cry is a big sin.

"......."

"What's April?"

"When did you turn into this kind of person?"

"What kind of person?"

Again, he looked at me with an angry face. But because his embarrassment seemed to be greater, he managed to show a sweet red face that seemed to tempt me to pinch his smooth cheeks that looked very soft.

"The shameless…"

I understand that my outspoken approach towards her is completely shameless. But even though I was afraid, I hesitated, and I was groggy I had no intention of retreating and being passive in taking his attention. I don't want to be a stupid young man who keeps doubting, missing opportunities, and being attacked by misunderstandings in a row until the end of the story like a romcom protagonist like Yuiga, Raku, Masamune or his friends.

I don't want to wait until 12 volumes before being able to express my feelings in April. It will continue to attack and move quickly.

Besides, the fact that up until now he hasn't given me a look of disdain, trying to get away from me , or clearly showing his dislike of my ignorant behavior this signaled that he had a positive reception to my efforts.

"Who do you think caused it?"

April's eyes widened, then there were a few tears coming out of her petals. It made me a little worried that I was teasing him too much, but then his face became very red and showed an expression not sad or angry but a combined expression of shame and happiness.

At least based on my interpretation, of course.

"......"

That reaction, you want to kill me or what? Because after seeing it, it felt like my heart was about to jump off my chest.

For a while we just stared at each other, but I finally decided to break the mood between us.

"We've arrived"

It's up to you to say that I'm a coward or what because I wasted this opportunity. But more than this I was afraid that I would be driven home by an ambulance. Then, I wasn't sure that making a massive offensive move after the incident at my house was the right time.

In the meantime, I'm just gonna do a guerilla attack.

"Then get here first"

The gate to his residence was already right in front of us. That's why I tried to let go of our hands and get away from him. But before our hands actually parted, he suddenly pulled me over and said..

"How about you stop by first…"

Miss April, do you realize what you just said? Don't tell me you want to continue this afternoon?

"...... "

Now it was my turn to be at a loss for words and feel that my face suddenly felt hot.

"... Mom-that's not what I mean!"

It seemed like he realized that he had just said something that could be pointed in a strange direction once he saw my facial expression.

"So your body was doused in soup, right? And you haven't had time to clean your body yet, have you?"

"Umm. Yeah"

"If you want, then,.... You can take a shower at my place! My brother's clothes are still here so you don't have to worry about changing.... How?"

"Hmmm.. Alright"

I honestly don't want to go home either. Right now I'm sure that my two sisters are having a debate with my mother and I'm also sure that my mother's head is still not cold. Going home too soon will most likely only make me have to endure the unpleasant atmosphere that is still in the house.

That way, for the first time in my life. I went into the place of a woman who was not my brother.

4

Based on the story that says that his brother can go to school abroad. I have an assumption that his family is a family that is more than just adequate. Because even though he can beasiswapun, there must be other needs that they must bear alone. And to meet those needs they must definitely spend a lot of money.

But when I walked into the April residence, it was more correctly called a room considering that the room only consisted of three parts. The room also has a function as a living room and dining room, a kitchen and then a bathroom that all of them can not be spelled out at all. I began to doubt my guess about his family background.

Of course even though I said small, this place is still much bigger than my room.

And because he arranged the contents neatly, this room even felt bigger than it seemed.

A plastic cabinet that may contain her clothes is in the right corner of the room, next to her a plastic cabinet and also a small table looks full of books and study lights. Then, on the wall above it I could see there was an iron signpost that had a dual function as a place to hang his clothes and also a place where a blue curtain was attached.

"your place.. Looks warm"

I accidentally looked into another corner of April's room, and there I found a floor mattress and a neatly folded blanket. The sight for some reason made me imagine how warm it would be to sleep there while it was raining outside.

"...Mm…"

Srrttt.. .

April pulled the curtains nearby and closed my gaze from her sleeping area.

"Don't be too good!"

Don't look at me with such suspicious eyes. I can't imagine how warm it would be if I slept there hugging your warm, soft little body under the blanket when there was heavy rain outside. Trust me! I'm not lying. I'm just surprised to see your family's collection of photos so much.

Ok, revision. Maybe I thought about it a little. Think about how good it is to sleep while hugging you.

"Take this, put your filthy clothes in the basket later! I'll wash it later"

"You don't have to bother…"

"Put your filthy clothes in the basket!"

"Ready!"

I picked up the towel I was given last April and went into the bathroom. After that, according to his orders I put my dirty clothes in a basket in it.

But as soon as I saw the contents of the basket...

"... April.. You"

Should've gotten rid of your stuff first if you wanted me to explore your place. Because if I didn't, I think I'd find too many things I shouldn't have seen.

"Bright…"

Suppose you never see anything. You have never seen a white triangle patterned with flowers or objects or small bowl-shaped objects or the like. Yeah, you didn't see anything.

After distracting from the trap of worldly temptation in April's basket. I went straight into another part of April's bathroom and found there was a shower inside. Something I really need now.

Like a man who was imprisoned, I closed my eyes and stood quietly under the shower that I deliberately made flowing. With that I hope to purify your mind that I feel if left alone will start thinking of ways to find excuses so that I can take a trap in the basket this April and use it for something.

After a few minutes of sedation, I finally felt my libido calm down. I finally got to shower quietly.  Then, in ten minutes I finished my bath.

"And, another trap came"

Just to be faced with another ordeal.

When I picked up the towel that April had given me, I realized that the towel I was holding was not an ordinary towel, but a special towel. Why special?

The size of the towel is very small like a towel for children, the surface is very soft like a towel for children's sensitive skin, and the last of these towels there is a label that says 'April' which he might put to separate it from the towels of his other family members.

In other words, it is certain that this towel is a private towel April. Which of course means this towel has touched April's skin no matter how many times.

"Aaaaa.. Hansa! Strengthen yourselves!!!!!"

I've managed to beat my libido so many times, there's no reason I can't do it anymore. Fight Harsa, your common sense can definitely win! You are a civilized human being. It is not an animal that lives on instinct.

For a few minutes, I continued to wriggle like a caterpillar while holding my head. Inside my head felt like there were two beings fighting each other for power over my brain. Light and darkness.

And the winner of that fierce fight was?

"Mnhngh. . ."

After losing so many times, it seemed like the dark side had finally won as well. For now I find that April's towel is on my face and my nose is trying to suck the fragrance out of this thing on my face.

"....."

And while sipping on the fragrant towel, my mind that did not want to miss began to imagine how this towel touched April's body.

First, this cloth will swipe the skin on his neck. After that she would slowly descend to her small back, heading to April's slim waist before finally falling on her round butt and finally rubbing her smooth thighs.

"God…."

The towel that was given to me was certainly not the towel that the girl had just put on, but rather the clean towel that she had just picked up from the closet or something similar. So obviously I can't smell April's body and can only smell the detergent and fragrance of clothes, but the imagination has the ability to penetrate space and time.

Especially the imagination of a teenage boy.

Creaac…

"...."

I couldn't look outside, but since there were only two people in this place I'm sure that the one who just came in and took something from behind the wall was April. Maybe he just brought me my dress. And those two voices finally made me realize….

"What did I just do?"

No, I know what I just did. I just did something that if I get caught it could be reported to the police and I won't be able to defend myself.

"This place is too dangerous"

I need to rush out of the bathroom and get home. Because the longer I'm here, the closer I get to being a criminal. Or am I a criminal?

With that new determination, I immediately horrified my body and put on the clothes that April had prepared outside the bathroom. I felt a little uncomfortable with the clothes he was given because the size was a little too big and the style was too formal, but as given mercy I could not complain.

"Ok, now I'm ready…"

As soon as I finished making my appearance, I immediately tried to get out of the bathroom. But after only opening the door a few inches wide I immediately closed it again.

Slowly.

Wh why? Because outside I found April who was holding my shirt and putting it on her head. Or rather on his face the same as I did in the bathroom.

Under normal circumstances I would use it as an ingredient to tease her given her absolutely cute shy face. But this time I decided to pretend I didn't see anything. Because this time, I also have the same crime. If I tease him I feel that I too will follow my own shame.

I go to the door behind and then I open it and close it aloud and say "i'm done" with a volume that's no less tight for April to realize that I'm going out. Gave her time to finish whatever she was doing with my clothes.

After that I opened the door in front of me and went into the main room of the April residence to find that the girl was pretending to clear the location where she was sitting.

"So what now?"

"W-what, what?"

"The plan.."

"How about we…"

Criutts….

Belly sounds.

"Scook something first?"

"Ugh. I agree"

It's true that I ate earlier, but because I was too concentrated on April and my mother's conversation and in the end I was just busy cleaning the floor and table. In the end, I ate a little. Even though I only ate bread because I kept thinking about April, making me miss my break. So it's only natural that I'm still pretty hungry.

How about eating at home?

No thank you!

I have a feeling if I eat in a full house not my stomach but my head or chest. He hit me earlier, but since April was there he couldn't nag me freely. I'm sure my mother's nagging is waiting for you at home.

I also wonder about April's cooking.

"If you just wait here, I'll make you something"

"I'll help"

"No, I can do it myself"

"I forced"

Seeing April wearing an apron and cooking in the kitchen is not at all boring. But if I just keep quiet and look at it from behind for minutes, I'm not sure I can resist thinking weird. Remembering just a few minutes ago I had failed to hold back and do khilaf.

Especially now when April has changed clothes and is wearing free clothes. A broad shirt that makes her curves visible, and a pair of shorts that give her pacification to her thighs and buttocks that look very soft to squeeze.

"Guests are forbidden rep.."

"So I trouble you too, like my mother…."

"Ka"

If you can't fight directly, the only option I have is to fight it indirectly or cheat. This time I took advantage of the fact that she felt bad about hearing my mother talk to me in the kitchen.

"Sigh. come here"

"Thank you Miss April"

What the two of us were trying to make was not something complicated, just a fried rice. That's why, even though I said helping all I did was cut the vegetables and wash the rice cooker after it was filled. After that I just stood up and waited for April to stir the rice in the pan.

"April.."

"What?"

"Why are you quiet"

"What are you talking about?"

I don't know, but usually isn't it at a time like someone should be talking about something? for some reason April hasn't said anything since we started cooking.

"April…"

"Please shut up"

I want to talk because I don't want to be quiet like this. Because if we keep quiet I feel that I will be tempted to hug her from behind. I mean, since I started cooking I suddenly realized that we were acting like newlyweds. And it invites strange desires like the desire to kiss the top of your head, reach for your waist or what I told you earlier. Hugging you from behind.

"April?"

I bowed my body to try to see his face.

"Not be noisy"

The color is already very red.

It seems like the one who had the thought that we were acting like newlyweds was not just me.

"O-ok, I'll prepare the cutlery"

"Thank you"

That way I ran away in embarrassment and prepared a plate, a spoon, and poured water for both of us. Soon, April finished making her fried rice and we sat together on the floor in front of her small table.

Yeah, sit down together. Instead of her in front of me, she was sitting on the side after putting her phone in front of us.

"I didn't know you liked this spectacle last night?"

"You don't like it?"

"I like it, it's just that I think you prefer something that's in action"

"I don't think his mood is suitable for watching K*metsu no Yaiba or A**ack on Titan"

"I can't deny it"

Dinner in a quiet atmosphere is indeed more suitable accompanied by a spectacle about high school girls who have a hobby of winter camping. Seeing the characters on her phone screen eating together while putting on a happy face for some reason made the fried rice we ate suddenly taste better.

"It feels really peaceful"

There is no need to think about complicated problems, be with people who like (in many ways), and can eat good food in peace. Maybe this is what it's like to camp out for the winter of his world Shim*rin.

"Harsa…"

"What?"

"If you want.. I don't mind if you stay here?"

"Eh? Stay here?..."

April.. What you?

Still sane?

If asked if I wanted to or didn't want to stay here, I'd say I wanted to. But this world is not like in the anime, if I just stay with him alone I am sure that there are many problems that will arise.

"Bu-not that I mean! If you want to stay in this complex, I will help you!!!"

Ahh, of course that's what he meant. It seems like my brain is too hot to the point that the contents of his mind are always off in a strange direction.

"In addition, if you live near here I can watch over you more easily!!!"

"I get it, I get it, you don't have to yell like that"

"I'm not yelling!!"

"You're yelling right now."

That way, we continued chatting while eating until the ending of our spectacle began to play. Then, while listening to him we cleaned up our eating place and washed all the furniture before I finally decided to go home.

Half an hour later, I arrived at the park near my house. And on one of his swings, I saw someone familiar.

"Don't tell me you're waiting here for Hanny"

"I just arrived, you don't have to worry"

He smiled at me.

"So you're really waiting for me huh"

Fortunately, he hadn't waited for me for long. Otherwise, I would feel very guilty because the reason why I came home all this time was because I had fun at April's place.

"You going home now, sister Hanny?"

"How about we talk first? "

Brother Hanny patted the chair from the swing that was on her left. After that, he said that I was sitting next to him.

"It used to feel like this swing wasn't this small"

As soon as I sat in his chair, I felt a bit clamped by the rope on either side of him. Though I remember long ago that we three brothers could sit on it together even with jostling.

"Ahaha..Not the swing is small, you are the big one"

Of course I know, I deliberately said that stupid thing because from earlier brother Hanny put on a serious face. And it seems, my original laugh is enough to open the mood so a little brighter.

"So what's Hanny talking about?"

"....."

If he wanted to talk about ordinary things he had already done it without even much ado. The fact that he still hasn't spoken up until now shows that the topic he brings is quite difficult he said.

"Huff…."

Brother Hanny sighed deeply and then held my palm.

"If you want to stay outside, Anna and I will help"

"Living outside huh…"

So that's what they talked about with my mom huh.

"Mr…."

To be honest, staying outside sounds good in my ears. I don't have to face my mother, I can do whatever I want, and I don't have to take care of anyone but myself. And if the place where I live is close to April, I can even easily study or play with the little girl.

Seen from anywhere it seems like living outside my parents' house only has positive value.

But….

"Sir Hanny"

"What?"

"Did sister Hanny not want to stay with me anymore?"

"Of course not!! But I don't you keep being treated like that"

Brother Hanny clasped my hand tighter as if to show her feelings using her power.

"Thank God then"

"But… "

I understand what Hanny's worried about, and I understand that they're both trying to help me. But in April I realized something.

The girl was lonely.

Where do I know that from? I don't know, but at least I can guess.

First, he always keeps himself busy outside the house. Whether it's student council activities, extra-curriculars, or keeping an eye on you he's always more focused on spending his time outside his home.

For someone like April to be said to be hyperactive sitting still doing nothing may feel like a torment in itself.

Second, for April, who loved her family so much and loved her, maybe going home to an empty house made her realize that she was in this city. He was alone.

It is very common for people my age and April to be in a time when they do not want to be disturbed by their parents. But, while I was there I found that he had elongated photos of his father and mother, his older brother, and their family photos in many places.

The girl always remembered her family. A family he couldn't see as he pleased.

Then the third one, when I got there he looked really happy.

Although on the right, left, top and bottom there are many other residents. But they were all basically other people, strangers, people he didn't know well, the ones he could only consider as acquaintances.

Of course I want to assume that he's happy because I specifically came to his place. But when the two of us were together watching Y*rucamp, I felt that even if the one who came to his place was his other friend he would also feel happy.

Then lastly, he looked very serious when he asked to move there. If I confirm his offer, I'm sure he'll try as hard as he can to help. Again, I would like to think that I am special. But my hunch is that if any of her other friends wanted to move there she must have done the same.

From all of those things, I concluded that she was basically lonely.

"Son Hanny, like you said I'm the big one and it's not this swing that's shrinking"

"Of course, you're a bica..."

"And of course me, you and Anna's sister won't stop here"

We will continue to grow, we will continue to mature, and when the time comes. We will all separate and live our own lives.

"Harsa…"

This time I pulled his hand back at me and clasped it tighter..

"Because of that, while I still have time I want to be with you! With family!"

Our time together was limited, which is why I wanted to take advantage of this narrow time to stay with my family. With sister Hanny, with sister Anna, with my father, and even with my mother.

After hearing the reply, Brother Hanny stood up and faced with a serious face.

" I'm the same! I want to be with you too! I don't want you to leave the house"

Errata, a serious face adorned with few tears.

"Thank you, Hanny"

"Umm. You don't have to think about it, because!... I'm your brother"

Brother Hanny smiled brightly at me then, using her free hand she put on a trademark pose from the sister of a cafe employee whose name is C*coa. It only makes me smile back at him. After that, the two of us went home while continuing to join hands like when we were kids.