Si I
my son's son
after that, we still live our lives.
baim always encouraged me to make me happy.
our grief has passed the day we lived together with happiness.
again we have happy news
today I was declared pregnant again
we're so happy we lost the first kk of this child I'm going to give birth to.
as always we live our lives.
the story of our second child was not much different we had to lose our second child again
April 29, 2017 was good news for us, but not for long. Because Alif is only allowed to be with us for 30 hours. He became God's choice as His heavenly being first after Zayd. And we keep trying to be patient .
we are still confirming each other that we have to toughen up.
our lives are still going on. we are living our lives as usual .
Qadarullah...
God's destiny is the best
If Allah wills, it will be very easy for Him to return to us his brother Alif
Keep on patient and always pray...
Allah is as His servant prejudices
Our happy little family..
You and me, Alif's brother whom we haven't given a name and Alif 'the inhabitant of heaven'
we are happy because God always sends HIS to us.
our day was getting more beautiful
"Bang, very kangeeeenn adek with Alif. This month is 2 years old".
I guess two tear slits were on her cheeks.
"Abang is also kangen, but don't be sad. Adek must be strong. Allah loves Alif here again". While rubbing his stomach. "That's the grandpa move". My speech. "God will not give the same test as His weak servant. Adek must be strong". Add me. He started smiling. "Dedek Haidar.." That's the temporary name I gave to our future baby, although he actually disagreed. "Abang should often chat with his grandpa yes. Bacain the Qur'an. Let our son sholeh". Her request. "Promise", I extend the finger of the covenant sign.
"Well, on Alif's birthday, we're going to the Orphanage?"."Yes dear. We'll be there. Don't be sad anymore". He nodded. "Udah adhan Isha. Brother sneak into the mosque there"."but don't be sad again ya"."Ja".
....
the next day we were like my husband usually working and I was the same as I was working because my day was quiet if I had to be alone at home
the night of my third pregnancy was getting close to the birth
"Well, what if we take a third week's leave this April?".
"Yes before that, deket deket review is back again".
"Trus Adek not back that way?"
"Hmmm"
"Don't want ah, adek don't want LDR an equal brother pas Ramadan"
"Yes, that means we can go to Mamak's house first in Bengkulu. Trus brother can nemenin adek to nyiapin doctor same RS the best in Jakarta. Trus has plenty of time for rest and preparation. If the time of Lebaran leave, he hunted worried doctors who recommended yesterday on leave. You can't be her anymore."
"Ih, this brother loh. the tree is adek do not want LDR an pas Ramadan".
"And at home there is a mother's father, then we will be able to Video Call an"
"Gak ah. Different tauk"
"Hmmm gini. We came home early. H-10 Lebaran so as not to rush for nyiapin. We go straight to Jakarta just let's not tired."
"Have that been so..... Sorry, bang, no adek not understand, but adek want Ramadhan and here the same brother"
"Yes, yeah. Want to make some milk?"
"The Mocca yes"
"Sip"
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SLE, March 21, 2019
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Which, this Ramadan turns out we must indeed LDR an. It's no longer about my desires or your unwillingness. It's about God loving you more. He could only endure the longing.
Today my brother left for Jakarta, H-10 according to our plan, but sorry this time not with you. There are only 2 suitcases full of the rest of your clothes, that's all I brought, besides I have donated.
As I promised, I will spend time with your parents. Fill the silence that lost you, make her happy again like when I was with you as much as I could. Although actually I still doubt what my situation is like living it without you.
Greetings may Allah tell you and our mujahid mujahid.
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Halim Perdana Kusuma, Sunday, May 26, 2019.
The first year we went through it with grief because we had to lose Zaid, the second year was the same, we had to learn a lot to be patient for the loss of Alif. Alif loved him more. The third year is not much different. We are just as tortured to miss them. And again it turns out we have to do more and learn the meaning of sincere and patient actually.
july 25, 2019, the fourth year, I deliberately did not include the word "we". Because in fact "me" is the one who must learn more extra to understand the meaning..
Happy Anniversary darling..
Siska, my beloved who has been in the arms of the Lord of the Worlds..
